Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Concentrating on my children and my growing friendships

3 Comments

I am continuing concentrating on my offline life – my children – who I am having such quality time with and my growing friendships.

My children are having a great school holidays and we have visited the beaches, the zoo, parks and we play lots of games together. They are happy kids who know they have a mother who loves and cherishes them, and they feel safe and secure with me. They know I have their best interests at heart and I love them dearly. That means everything to me.

I am also developing some nice friendships with some mothers I know via our children’s school, and my ladies group continues to flourish and friendships are growing. They may be superficial relationships, but they are pleasant.

I don’t intend ever talking about my work here, or my trauma history – with any friends. I have learned nothing good ever comes from being upfront and honest about it. No-one who knows about any of that – has dealt with it appropriately. I’ve either been victim blamed/shamed, shunned, or people have reacted badly to it. Or used it against me.  

Pretty much everyone who has failed to deal with knowing about my trauma history appropriately – has ruined any hope I had left, that I would ever have support and people who care about what I have been through. And that includes my ex counsellor, previous ‘friends’, my current husband.

I accept no-one cares about any of my trauma history, or how much I have suffered. Or what I need to help heal all that.

So, now I intend never speaking about any of it, to anyone. It’s completely off limits now.

I will simply say exactly what I used to say during my 20’s and 30’s – “I had a bad childhood”. That’s it. No-one ever cared enough to ask me if I wanted to talk about it. No-one ever gave it any thought – even all the people in my life knew enough to know I’d been severely abused.

I know there will always be a part of my heart and soul that will never heal. Because I do know and understand you need people who genuinely care about your trauma and suffering. Who genuinely want you to heal. I know complex trauma is only healed within the safety and love of genuine relationships, with trustworthy people.

But, I accept I don’t have that and never did.

So, I am concentrating on the other areas of my life, including my children and friends, and trying to make the most of that.

And I have my photography as an ongoing focus in my life. Every day I take photos and spend time learning the processing and editing.

This is my focus in 2017.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “Concentrating on my children and my growing friendships

  1. Lilly .. no, no please .. there is caring here .. true .. trust here .. now always .

    please can we be in touch .. not necessarily language and words Lilly .. am in the depths of your pain and am not going to leave you .. ever .. I know your pain .. just pulling up a few comfy cushions for us , some warm blankets .. 💜. it’s a starry starry night .. we get the log fire crackling .. sing , humm little tunes or sit in silence or cry or smile .. can u smell the soup Lilly and warm crusty bread .. .. .. 💜

  2. Sounds like u are more positive now.As for not trusting anyone with ur history it’s sad & lonely, but unfortunately I’ve found this to be largely true as well,though I am lucky to have a few close friends who know of my history & support me.Most people though have used it against me,or have had very damaging opinions,without any understanding. I’ve been to open with people,& it nearly always comes back to bite me.Most of the relationships I have with other people are just surface relationships.

  3. Hi Lilly. I stumbled upon your website on Pinterest. I just started reading your blog..you and I are kindred spirits (unfortunately ;( )… as I read your words I gasp bc I say and think the same exact things ;( …Lilly I guess I have to accept that I’m probably not going to make any more friends. CPTSD, abused since the day I was born, ended my relationship with my parents dec ’14, every single blood relative, my siblings and friends of “the family” choose my evil parents. I had only two friends before I finally was brave and strong enough to cut them out of my life, now I have zero. Although I recently (6months ago) befriended a woman who runs a place I volunteer at and she knows I have CPTSD and my family memebers are my abusers (she doesn’t get it of course, but I think she sincerely cares and has grown a love for me and wants me to be happy and get better) Other than Angela I got my husband and my dog. I’m so infuriated, so fucking sad and lonely..that no one understands me and because of my evil abusers I have no friends…they are still hurting me by giving me the scarlet letters of CPTSD, giving me this disorder..who the hell is gonna be my friend?!? And the fact we (survivors) have to LIE about our past..that’s BS. I want nothing more than to be mother too, but I just don’t feel well enough yet/have the support system to be a mother. Lilly you are a badass. You are a new hero of my mine. You are not alone..I’m 34 and the reality that I’m not gonna have a real fucking friend is beyond devastating. Ditto on the everyone (pretty much), sucks and this is the best it’s gonna get. How fucking wrong is that you and I both agree, new friends, REAL friends…not happening. It’s extra shitty for me Lilly bc I literally have (Angela is a very new friend so the solidity of this relationship is TBD) no friends or family. Thank you for blogging Lilly. Maybe I’ll start too. I have a gift for writing, I’m an old soul and an empath just like you 😉

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