Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

That moment when someone recommends a hairdresser and it’s a child abuser from the abusive church/cult!


Well that was a moment of panic that set in. The abusive Baptist cult – I was abused at, has some cult members that are ‘best friends’ with the narcissist pastor, who abused me.

The wife is a hairdresser and unfortunately, her children go to the same school as my youngest child. She is blocked from my personal Facebook account, and that way I avoid having to see anything posted by her on the school FB page.

I asked for a recommendation for a hairdresser, and someone I am facebook friends with, sent a link to this abusive hairdresser woman.

Yikes – the last person I want to see is that woman or anyone from that cult, on my personal facebook account.

This woman is the one who I received a message from about the abuse witnessed and considered disgusting. The person who emailed me, has been to that Baptist cult, and was shocked by the child abuse that was encouraged there. She told me about this hairdresser starving her toddler, because the toddler would not eat dinner. She also said a lot of other abusive behaviour was witnessed – women being treated badly etc.

I validated this persons account of all the child abuse, spiritual abuse and domestic violence – that goes on there. Including all the physical abuse – taking belts to children, beating them etc.

A few emails went back and fore. I was glad she wrote to me, to confirm if it was this Baptist cult where I had been abused. It helped to know other people realised how abusive they all are and how disgusting their behaviour is.

So, when I received this recommendation of this hairdresser – I panicked.

But, I stopped, deleted the posts that were on my Facebook account. Blocked the hairdressers FB business account page.  

Then I privately messaged the woman who posted to my account, and said I knew this hairdresser from an abusive church, where child abuse occurs, so I would give her a miss. And thanked her for thinking of me, for a recommendations. I don’t outright accuse this hairdresser of child abuse – even though she absolutely is a child abuser.

It’s hard when you are continually reminded and triggered by issues from abusers, that I would much rather never have to see again, or be connected to, in any way, or ever have to think about.

But, that’s how it is.

My anxiety went through the roof, and I immediately had a flood of thoughts and emotions about those abusive cult people. PTSD – is definitely still there.

But, I handled it okay.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “That moment when someone recommends a hairdresser and it’s a child abuser from the abusive church/cult!

  1. I feel for you. Here in the US I can’t turn on the TV or radio without hearing the name of one of the guys who contributed to my cptsd. I’ve given up on watching the news and listening to music on the radio. Each time I’m triggered my emotions go away. It leaves me feeling like a hollow dead shell. When I was young I’d learned to block and turn off my emotions completely. Yes, it gets rid of the fear but it also gets rid of the joy in life to. I might as well be dead when I’m in that state. I can’t feel anything until I feel safe again.

    • I think it is good and needed self care to turn off the news when it is so triggering. I’m so sorry this is happening.
      I understand how dissociating and staying numb can help us cope, but it also stops us feeling nice emotions.
      It’s hard and I validate that.
      I have hope for us, that it can get better in the future.
      Lilly ❤ ❤

    • I understand completely unfortunately. I am a member of a church that a sick man who is 20 years older than me attends. Let’s just say I don’t attend any longer. But, my husband does and I watch the service on line. Just last night I saw where a fellow member was sitting with him in a truck to go hunting together and he posted what a wonderful man of God and friend he has been to him throughout the years. Then, others chimed in (some women) how blessed this daughter he posted his picture on must be of her dad. I actually looked at the face of the man that did some of the worst things to me and I was a child of abuse my many step fathers growing up so that says a lot. He is 80 now and looks old. He always was proud of his appearance… he is nothing to me. I must say I am angry beyond angry toward him. I told my former Pastor about him who has previously died and this new Pastor I also warned. I had this horrible sinking feeling for these blind women, for his wife that knows and puts up with it and his daughter that doesn’t have a clue. This world sucks. I have not met a man worthy of me. Yet, here I sit in a home with a man who supposedly loves me yet is into porn and other women. He thought I couldn’t find out but I did. I am now 60 and it’s very hard to leave with medical issues. I guess my stupid life will never have the meaning I so hoped it would… to help other victims of any abuse and reassure them I’m still standing … so can they. ~ I am barely making it much less standing. The PTSD never ends. .. never.

      • Hi my friend ❤ ❤

        I am so sad your are enduring so much.
        Knowing how many people are abused by 'church people' and how their abuse and toxic behaviour are condoned and ignored, is truly terrible.
        You don't deserve a husband like that. You deserve a gentle, kind, honest, caring husband.
        It makes me so sad that so many complex trauma survivors are in such toxic relationships.
        I truly wish it were different for us all.
        We do deserve so much better.

        Lilly ❤ ❤

      • I’m sorry Lilly for not responding until now. I’m trying to learn how to live and write my feelings out too. I started a new blog at alonewithhim4ever and would appreciate your thoughts. ~ I pray for you each day and know how much your heart hurts. I love you sweet Lilly.
        Shannon ❤

      • Hi beautiful Shannon ❤ Thank you for your prayers, you are so kind ❤

        I will take a look at your blog 🙂

  2. I was abused as a child when my own mother and stepfather taught my age in our church on Sunday evenings. Here I sat and listened to two “wonderful Christian leaders” who spoke “Goodness” out of their mouth and went home and raped me. Yet, I must say, I had a grandmother that taught me of a God that is love. Not the kind of junk they did but real agape love from God. Without HIM in my life I would have been dead or worse becoming one of them also. Without a doubt as I look over my life it is Him that carried me through some terrible times. As you know we live in a world of freewill. They chose what they did and I chose to trust in God. I can’t explain all the pain in the world but for me I understand His love. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know who holds my future. I trust only in Him.

    Blessings to you my sweet Lilly. You have brought so much love to a hurting world.

    Ruby ❤ ❤