Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I knew my narcissist husband, would not stick it out in counselling

7 Comments

My husband – who has lied to me from day one as to who he is, has quit counselling. After 3, maybe 4 sessions. I knew that would happen. I predicted it.

And he did the usual ‘fail to tell me about this’. He avoids any conversation that he finds ‘difficult’. He is such a coward.

And…. when he finally did tell me he had quit counselling – when forced to tell me – he tried to ‘reframe it with  good reasons’. Another typical narcissistic trait. Another form of lying. He deludes himself all the time as to his narcissism being okay.

I 100% accept he will never be anything but a narcissistic, psychopathic, lying, devious, cowardly, immature, selfish piece of crap.

I despise him.

I find him utterly repulsive.

I tolerate him for the sake of our children, but that is the only reason. And I let our children know his narcissistic behaviours are not okay, and why. I do not want them turning into people like him. If I don’t talk to them about their fathers lying, deviousness and selfishness – they will assume that behaviour is okay. And it is not.

I’ve now decided the only way to deal with him……. as he never intends changing – is to be the same as he is.

So, I’ve told him from now on I intend keeping things from him, being devious and doing things behind his back that he will not know about. He didn’t like that, at all. Of course. He’s such a fucking hypocrite. One of the those very typical ‘one rule for me, and one for everyone else’ narcissists.

From now on, I’m not speaking to him unless I have to. And he will know nothing about my day to day life, my plans, my friends, or anything else – unless I have no option but to tell him.

And until such time as my living situation can change…….. I will just stay away from him and engage in no conversation (because he’s such a liar I don’t believe a word that comes out of mouth anyway).

I will go out whenever I can when he’s home in the day and practise my photography, and completely ignore him.

I’ve tried everything possible to help him to change, to help him see his life will be better for him if he changes, and for our children ……. but he has no intentions of ever changing.

As true narcissists don’t.

He deserves to be treated the way he treats others.

And that’s what he will now get.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “I knew my narcissist husband, would not stick it out in counselling

  1. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom of know the difference.
    We can only fix ourselves. I’ve been down that road. My children have turned into how my husband was. They learned to be disrespectful to me because they observed how he treated me. Children learn what they live. Good you point out his behavior. I sure hope you don’t have the same issue I suffer with.

    • Thank you.
      Yes – you are absolutely right. I cannot fix my husband – he has to want to change and he doesn’t. He keeps repeating the same toxic behaviour, not matter what I say or do, or how much I try to help him.
      I am so sorry your children were influenced so much by their father. It is my biggest fear that my children will turn out like their father.
      I talk openly about his issues, so my sons know from me – his behaviour is not okay.
      If I don’t – I know there is a greater likelihood they will turn out selfish, immature liars, that cheat and manipulate.
      I am glad to know my children have more empathy and capacity to know right from wrong – than their father does.
      I can only keep doing what I am doing and hope they turn out to me like me, and not like him.
      Lilly ❤

      • Thank you, Lily. I believe your children will turn out like you as you have the knowledge and I didn’t all those years ago. I believe you life is going to get better for all of you. I have never regretted leaving my ex husband. Infact he keeps proving I was correct in my decision.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. You deserve the best from people And I really admire the way you stand up for yourself and set boundaries when people are toxic. Really inspires me to do the same.

    In a way I’m very relieved he quit seeing that same councilor you saw because I was very concerned they might team up against you.

    Also, she would never hold him accountable for his behavior because of her own behaviors.

    You are very strong and smart and wise so I’m confident that you’ll create a way through this that’s best for you and your boys.

    Sending you hugs and protection!!

    • Thank you Jules ❤

      His behaviour didn't improve while he was attending counselling, so I guess it doesn't make any difference.
      Narcissists don't change, no matter what any 'therapist' might say to the contrary.
      My problem, was him quitting and not telling me. Such a typical lying by omission behaviour of his, that he has been doing since the first day I met him.
      He has never told me things that I had a right to know. Like how many affairs he had in his first marriage. And all the other vile things he's done, that he feels entitled to do, no matter the harm they cause to others.
      And I'm annoyed at myself for even having conversations with that counsellor about his issues. And listening to her making excuses for him, acting like compulsive lying is not abuse, acting like 'he can't help it', making 'me' responsible for his issues….. when I have enough of my healing to deal with.
      Now I realise she doesn't lying is abuse, because she's a liar.
      She wanted me kept the victim of narcissists, by making excuses for them and making me feel 'not good enough' if I didn't have exactly the same thinking as her self serving beliefs.
      I realise now, she has to even lie to herself that she can 'counsel' these toxic people and make any difference, so she doesn't have to feel bad about taking money from them.

      • I agree 100% with you about her behaviors and choices.

        And I’m so grateful to you for this post and your above comment because it helped me to be able to recognize when people in my life are doing similar behaviors to me that she’s done to you.

        They can be so good at covert toxic behaviors that it helps to learn what to watch for.

      • Something I have realised, is there are flying monkeys for toxic people – everywhere.
        When they have a vested interest in being nice to toxic people for self serving reasons…….. they will tolerate, make excuses, minimize etc the toxic persons behaviour.
        I’m glad if any of this – helps other people to watch out for covert toxic behaviours.
        Lilly ❤ ❤

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