Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Inner Child -v- Grown Woman Conflict… Rages On ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 Comments

I have a situation going on – where the inner child in me, is devastated.

Heartbroken.

Desperately wanting to reach out to someone I cared about, and knowing I can’t.

Someone I thought cared about me. But, now I know – didn’t.

I have abandonment depression (as so insightfully described by Pete Walker) and I am aware how painful it is, and the valid reasons for it.

Every time I check my emails – I know there is a part of me – desperately wants to see an email from this person. Desperate for something…. anything. Any scrap of attention – even if it’s to be angry with me. And so sad every time I see there is nothing.

My inner child in me wants to reach out to this person ……… and the 45 year old woman in me – knows I can’t and knows I have to grieve – and that person is gone.

I wrote a poem a few years ago – that fits exactly how my inner child feels.

Poem – Inner Child’s Pain, Of Letting Go

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

.

My needy inner child

Desperately searches for

What she never had

Scared to her core

.

To face and know

You cannot be

What I need

For the child in me

.

‘Letting go’

Words I fear

You are in my heart

This pain severe

.

To let go

And lose these dreams

Of the search ending

Fragile, unheard screams

.

Gone from my life

Acid burning of tears

Abandonment again

Vulnerable, lost, fragile, fears

.

As I pry my little arms

From holding you so tight

I cry desperately

With all my child’s might

.

I will painfully grieve you

But in my heart’s sad song

You will always remain

Right, or wrong.

.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

2 thoughts on “The Inner Child -v- Grown Woman Conflict… Rages On ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. Heartbreakingly beautiful poem.

    Thank you for sharing it.

    Reminds me that I must not abandon my child self.

  2. I believe the person you are yearning for is your former therapist. Even though she let you down big time, she was very important to you for many years. I cannot even imagine the depth of your pain and depression. At the expense of repeating myself, please, please find a good psychologist. You deserve only the best.

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