The Inner Child -v- Grown Woman Conflict… Rages On ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

January 11, 2017 by Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 2 Comments

I have a situation going on – where the inner child in me, is devastated.

Heartbroken.

Desperately wanting to reach out to someone I cared about, and knowing I can’t.

Someone I thought cared about me. But, now I know – didn’t.

I have abandonment depression (as so insightfully described by Pete Walker) and I am aware how painful it is, and the valid reasons for it.

Every time I check my emails – I know there is a part of me – desperately wants to see an email from this person. Desperate for something…. anything. Any scrap of attention – even if it’s to be angry with me. And so sad every time I see there is nothing.

My inner child in me wants to reach out to this person ……… and the 45 year old woman in me – knows I can’t and knows I have to grieve – and that person is gone.

I wrote a poem a few years ago – that fits exactly how my inner child feels.

Poem – Inner Child’s Pain, Of Letting Go

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

.

My needy inner child

Desperately searches for

What she never had

Scared to her core

.

To face and know

You cannot be

What I need

For the child in me

.

‘Letting go’

Words I fear

You are in my heart

This pain severe

.

To let go

And lose these dreams

Of the search ending

Fragile, unheard screams

.

Gone from my life

Acid burning of tears

Abandonment again

Vulnerable, lost, fragile, fears

.

As I pry my little arms

From holding you so tight

I cry desperately

With all my child’s might

.

I will painfully grieve you

But in my heart’s sad song

You will always remain

Right, or wrong.

.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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