I have a situation going on – where the inner child in me, is devastated.
Heartbroken.
Desperately wanting to reach out to someone I cared about, and knowing I can’t.
Someone I thought cared about me. But, now I know – didn’t.
I have abandonment depression (as so insightfully described by Pete Walker) and I am aware how painful it is, and the valid reasons for it.
Every time I check my emails – I know there is a part of me – desperately wants to see an email from this person. Desperate for something…. anything. Any scrap of attention – even if it’s to be angry with me. And so sad every time I see there is nothing.
My inner child in me wants to reach out to this person ……… and the 45 year old woman in me – knows I can’t and knows I have to grieve – and that person is gone.
I wrote a poem a few years ago – that fits exactly how my inner child feels.
Poem – Inner Child’s Pain, Of Letting Go
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
.
My needy inner child
Desperately searches for
What she never had
Scared to her core
.
To face and know
You cannot be
What I need
For the child in me
.
‘Letting go’
Words I fear
You are in my heart
This pain severe
.
To let go
And lose these dreams
Of the search ending
Fragile, unheard screams
.
Gone from my life
Acid burning of tears
Abandonment again
Vulnerable, lost, fragile, fears
.
As I pry my little arms
From holding you so tight
I cry desperately
With all my child’s might
.
I will painfully grieve you
But in my heart’s sad song
You will always remain
Right, or wrong.
.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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January 12, 2017 at 12:11 pm
Heartbreakingly beautiful poem.
Thank you for sharing it.
Reminds me that I must not abandon my child self.
January 13, 2017 at 6:22 pm
I believe the person you are yearning for is your former therapist. Even though she let you down big time, she was very important to you for many years. I cannot even imagine the depth of your pain and depression. At the expense of repeating myself, please, please find a good psychologist. You deserve only the best.