Something I have learned in life, is toxic people are everywhere. And their flying monkeys are everywhere too.
Flying monkeys are people who support toxic people. They encourage and condone the toxic persons behaviour. They make excuses for toxic people. Or they ignore the toxic persons bad behaviours and choose to only see what they want to believe is good behaviour. (The ‘good’ behaviour still only being the toxic persons self serving behaviour, as they don’t do anything good – unless it is serving themselves in some way).
Flying monkeys can be family members, friends, church people, co-workers, therapists.
You would think therapists would know better, but they can indeed be flying monkeys when they have a self serving vested interest in condoning the toxic persons behaviour.
Throughout my life, I have seen so many toxic people being supported by flying monkeys.
Both of my husbands, have family who are flying monkeys. They choose to ignore the bad their adult children choose to inflict, and ‘only see the good’. Making excuses for the toxic behaviour and not making their adult children accountable for their bad behaviour. This following on from their poor parenting in the toxic persons childhood. I see clearly how poor parenting – has lead to the child becoming an adult narcissist.
I’ve seen flying monkeys within families, workplaces, groups of friends, churches, therapists rooms. It goes on everywhere.
I’ve seen it happen many times over social media. People who I discerned being toxic, have their flying monkeys who condone the toxic persons behaviour – as long as there is some self serving need being met. They will stay connected to the toxic person – for as long as the toxic person is promoting their work, books etc.
I don’t do this – because I have far too much integrity and I’m not a narcissist. I don’t use toxic people for my own gain. I don’t exploit people the way toxic people can. I cut them off on social media – regardless of whether they may be of use to me.
That’s the issue with toxic people and flying monkeys – who are in fact toxic people too. They have no conscience, no shame, no remorse, no empathy for those being harmed and can exploit people easily for their own needs.
Something I have learned is how easily toxic people and their toxic supporters can delude themselves, lie to themselves, justify their motivations, rationalise their actions and a whole range of self serving behaviours.
You cannot have a rational, mature, reasonable conversation with them. Their need to hold onto their toxic beliefs that what they are doing is okay, is so strong, they will do anything – no matter how bizarre, to not have to face the truth of what they are.
And people will say ‘they can’t help it’ – because they are ‘delusional’. But why would they need to lie, if they didn’t know what they are doing is wrong? And they all lie. Lying is common throughout their behaviours. With the flying monkeys – they lie to themselves and others, as to their true motivations. It is always a red flag for toxic people, when people lie often and effortlessly. And believe lying is okay and harmless.
The only way to deal with toxic people, is to avoid them wherever possible, and refuse to become involved in their toxic games.
If you cannot avoid them, develop strong emotional boundaries, so you can be resilient to their toxicity.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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