Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

People’s true motivations & integrity, matter the most to me ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


Being someone who has seen the real motivations, behind so many fake facades, and seen true evil in action…….. motivations matters to me.


Every heinous person, who has abused me, had a fake façade they hid behind. Most heinous people, don’t show everyone the dark person they truly are. They hide that behind a very manipulative image, of someone who is far better than they really are.

Many people get duped by this façade. Many heinous people are experts at manipulation, and they fool many. Including mental health professionals – who you would think, would know how to spot manipulators.

When thinking about this, I remind myself, that even one of the world’s leading experts in psychopaths, admits he was fooled and manipulated by them. So, any mental health professional, who believes they would not be duped, are delusional.

Every single person I have known, who has been a toxic, character disordered person, has pretended to be better than they really are. They even delude themselves, they are a better person, that they truly are.

It is true that some heinous people actually do admit what they are. But, most don’t.

Their level of integrity – to show who they truly are, and be up front and honest – is zero.

And integrity and the honesty that requires…. matters to me.

Having been abused by psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists, sex offenders, child abusers, paedophiles…….. I have considerable experience, in seeing their fake images, at work.

My mother and step father, had images they displayed to others. Fake personas.

The paedophile, pretended easily to be a nice person. The grooming skill level, was considerable. And once trapped in the abuse, the threats further showed the psychopathic nature – which most paedophiles have. No empathy. No remorse. No regard for suffering caused.

The psychopath portrayed himself to be a charitable man, collecting and donating to charities. Yet, behind that mask, was a cruel, dangerous, highly abusive man, who delighted in causing pain and suffering.

My ex husband, was appeared a ‘nice’ person sober. Yet, even when sober – he was manipulative, abusive, a compulsive liar and emotionally abusive – behind closed doors. When drunk, he was also physically abusive. Yet, to many, he seemed like a nice person.

The narcissist pastor, has many fooled. Behind the persona of being a ‘family man’ who claims to love God, is a weak, immature, cowardly, manipulative, lying, devious narcissist. Who craves attention and people to worship him. His wife is the same.

My husband, has many fooled into believing he is a nice person. Yet all along, he hid who he truly is. A manipulative, selfish to the core, compulsive, cheating liar, with no morals, no conscience, no empathy and no remorse.

There are others too, including people who are toxic on social media (which includes ‘counsellors’), but what they all have in common are motivations – that are not at all what they pretend them to be.

They are all exploitative, manipulative and are faking a persona…… to hide their true motivations, which are toxic, selfish and abusive. They all have no integrity, honesty, empathy, compassion or remorse.

Having endured all this, and knowing how well these people fake who they want people to believe they are……… I am so aware people can very often have motivations that are far from what people generally believe about them.

I am someone who can spot red flags of liars, manipulators, toxic people. Yet, I have indeed been manipulated by every one of the above mentioned abusers.

It has become even more vital for me now, to know the true motivations of people in my life. And when I sense any confusion, I don’t ignore it.

Not anymore.

I walk away, stop contact and just avoid people. Unless there is a need for me to act, and confront them, I stay away. Not because I don’t care that they are manipulating people – but because the trauma it creates to confront them, is too great. The impact and consequences, are too damaging.

I have to take care of myself, so I can take care of my children.

I cannot confront and deal with every fake, toxic person. And neither should I feel that responsibility.

My boundaries with those who are fake and do have toxic motivations, are better. And recent issues have confirmed that.

Motivation matters. No-one is perfect, including me. We all screw up. But, it is the motivation behind behaviours, the integrity people have to be genuine and truthful about who they are, and their chosen character traits, that I look for.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “People’s true motivations & integrity, matter the most to me ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. My late narc mother had that fake virtue, and had everyone in the family fooled…except me.

  2. Thank you for this powerful and wise post!!

    Here is a link that shows how people are starting to realize what you have been saying on this blog is correct… this article is encouraging to see…..

    ‘You distorted the word of God’: Judge rebukes men who used Bible as defense in rape trial – The Washington Post


  3. This post really hit home for me about how pointless it is to try and talk to these people because I’m talking to their facades which are fake. So anything they say has no credibility.

    Now I’m going to focus on their motivations rather than “they said this and they said that”.