Something I have learned from living with a narcissist for the last 16 years, is the narcissists pathological need to avoid dealing with their own toxic behaviours, at all costs.
They lie, manipulate, gaslight and all manner of toxic tricks.
One of these, is when challenged on their behaviour and they cannot get out of the situation – they deliberately start provoking the person who is forcing them to ‘own’ their toxic behaviour.
They provoke and provoke – and deliberately push all the buttons they know will create anger in the other person.
Then when they have achieved that….. they scorn and mock the now angry person – labelling them the unreasonable one.
They will say things like…. “see no-one can talk to you” – “why are you so angry?” – “look at you – you are acting crazy”.
See what they did there?
They provoked and provoked…….. and then when the person blows ….. they deflect the issue away from their own toxic shit……. and turn the situation into being now about the other persons ‘issues’.
Meaning the anger they deliberately and intentionally provoked.
Meaning the anger the person being abused by the narcissist – has every right to feel.
Meaning the anger any normal person would feel at being treated so badly.
Manipulation, and avoidance of dealing with their behaviours, they are very skilled at.
And they enjoy it too. Because if you challenge the narcissist – they will attack and enjoy watching you get angry and crying. They want to see you suffer – because ‘how dare anyone challenge them’. They have that cruel streak in them and they will use it when they feel they need to.
Narcissists learn these techniques during childhood, teenage years, and then into adulthood. They become very skilled at these deceptive, manipulative and toxic ways to avoid accountability, avoid the need to own their shit, avoid having to apologise, or admit they have done wrong.
Trying to deal with a narcissist – is like banging your head on brick wall. It is pointless, as it only harms you more, but nothing changes.
Narcissists don’t change. And no-one makes them behave the way they do. That is their choices. Choices they make knowing they are abusing someone. (The very fact that they are selective in who they show their toxic side to, is proof of their capacity to behave when needed and be toxic when the situation is right for them).
But, their lack of empathy and lack of conscience means they simply don’t care.
Their toxic patterns of behaviour – give them what they want. They serve their toxic minds. No accountability. Doing wrong and not having to own it. Not having to change.
I do know, trying to get a narcissist to change, is futile.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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