My current situation, is preventing me from healing. I am in a constant daily state of hypervigilance, anxiety, depression. I cannot heal, in the relationship I am in. Yet, alternatives will hurt my children. And my children are my priority.
I do know complex trauma is only healed within healthy, safe relationships. And that I don’t have.
And I realise, this is something many complex trauma survivors are dealing with.
Most people don’t want to talk about how we ‘can’t’ heal. Survivors are expected to heal – no matter what their circumstances are. Which is such BS. And just creates shame, which is not ever okay.
So, I will talk about how our current life circumstances – can absolutely affect our capacity to heal.
I cannot walk away from my children. I would never do that. And leaving with my children, with no job, no-where to live – would be worse for my children, than staying where I am.
I try hard to make the best of each day, for my childrens sake. Even though it affects my healing and my wellbeing. They know the issues going on, because I talk about them and don’t let them think that being selfish, lying, manipulating are okay. I don’t ignore their fathers issues, I deal with them. And my children are thriving. They are happy and they do know they have one parent who loves and cherishes them.
Not everyone can simply walk away from an unhealthy relationship. People say to leave, but what if the circumstances created by leaving, are in fact worse, than if you stay? The choice has to be, to stay.
If you don’t have the ‘best case’ scenario for healing, please don’t feel shame or like you a failure. Often the circumstances we are in, through no fault of our own – prevents healing. Continue reading