This sums up the last 16 years of my life. My marriage. My husband never cared about me. He just wanted my body and what I could do for him.
He never asked a single question about my childhood. He knew I’d been abused. He knew enough about my past to know someone went to prison.
Never once did he stop and think about any of that.
Never once did he ever ask me if I wanted to talk about any of it.
Never once did he tell me he would be there for me, if I wanted to talk.
He didn’t care enough, to think about any of that. That didn’t serve ‘him’. That was about me – and he has/had no interest in me in any unselfish way. he only ever cared about him. And his deeply selfish and shallow needs.
All he ever did was take, take, take.
Use, use use.
Abuse, abuse, abuse.
The depths of his narcissistic soul, disgust me.
To use someone the way he has, along with all the pathological lying, cheating, manipulating, projecting etc…… is selfishness to the core. It’s narcissism to the core.
And this has been the story of my life, since being 9 years old. Abusive, toxic, selfish people – abusing my body.
One thing for sure. He will never use my body again. I would rather chew off my own arm, than let him anywhere near me.
No-one will ever get to touch my naked body, until they have demonstrated enough genuine care and love.
No-one will ever get my clothes off
& see me naked,
until they have genuinely wanted
to know my naked heart & soul.
Too many people have used by body for their own selfish needs.
It will never happen again.
My body is too precious for that.
I didn’t know this 16 years ago.
But, I do now.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 
February 13, 2017 at 1:08 am
Admirable idea on how to filter out the bad ones. I got to thinking how well would it have worked with my partner’s I’ve had over the years. It would have helped a lot. What I realized most is I needed to be more active in choosing my partners rather than being the passive one.
February 22, 2017 at 2:37 pm
A powerful, wise, authentic and brave post. Teaches me something new every time I read it again.
February 24, 2017 at 1:18 am
Absolute truth! If someone doesn’t want to get to know the real me with my heart exposed then they are NOT worth my time. Only wish I could have read this many years ago. Lilly, you are brave and full of hope to those like me whose hope has long gone away. You are a gift… such good insight to our hearts. ❤