Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Be Aware Of Toxic People Re-directing The Focus – To The Reaction To Abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


A post to my page. I have endured this my entire life.

Toxic people like to re-direct the focus – away from their chosen decisions to abuse – to the reaction of the victim.

It’s a form of manipulation, that enables the toxic abuser – to avoid focussing on their actions, to avoid taking accountability or responsibility for their chosen abusive behaviours.


When they re-direct focus to e.g. the victims anger – they can claim the victim is the one in the wrong. The victim is the one with the issues. The victim is the problem.

See how they shift the focus and shame – from themselves – to the victim? It happens a lot. It is very common with toxic people.

They can say things like ‘why are you so angry’ – ‘no one can talk to you when you get like this’, ‘look at you – you’re crazy’.

The focus is shifted – and the focus becomes about the anger/resentment/emotional distress – the victim is feeling.

The anger/ emotions/ distress etc the victim has ‘every right’ to feel…….. because being angry/ emotional/ distressed- at being abused – is a NORMAL and rational response to being treated badly and to being abused.

Toxic people will do anything to take the focus away from having to be responsible for their chosen abusive actions. They don’t have the courage or decency to deal with the truth of what they are and how abusive they are. They will lie, gaslight, project and other forms of manipulation and abuse……… that causes even more harm.

Be aware when the focus is being re-directed – away from the chosen toxic abuse……… to the (normal) reaction to this abuse.

Be aware of this common toxic manipulation.

Also I am adding to this………. be aware of other people who choose to focus on the victims reaction to being abused. People who focus on the reaction as the problem……. are also toxic. I have seen this happen in families, churches, workplaces, therapists rooms.

I am aware that too many therapists – like to focus on the ‘problem’ being how a victim of abuse reacts.

The issue is not about the victims ‘normal’ reaction of anger, hurt, upset etc………… the issue is the abuse the victim is being subjected to.

The issue of abuse is not e.g. 60% the abusers responsibility and 40% the victims reaction to the abuse….

The issue is 100% the responsibility of the abuser and the victim’s reaction is not the issue. Because the victim should not be being abused and abuse is never justifiable or okay, in any way. No matter what the victim is or isn’t doing.

I repeat ‘it is normal to react to abuse with anger, hurt, upset, confusion, feeling betrayed, irritable, emotionally distraught, distress, tearful, mood changes, resentment’ etc. And anyone who claims this reaction is not okay, or tried to suggest these reactions are the issue …… is a toxic persons enabler/flying monkey.

Any time someone is focussing on the ‘victims reaction’ to abuse – as the problem…….. they are being a victim blamer and shame shifter.

This is also toxic abuse. Whether intentional or not.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Be Aware Of Toxic People Re-directing The Focus – To The Reaction To Abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. So true that people will do anything to deflect from having to confront evil.

  2. So glad I found your site … I have believed that (parental) Narc Abuse can cause CPTSD and Developmental Trauma since I read Herman’s “Trauma & Recovery” 20 years ago … what you are saying is so true and empowering … and has been so “crazy-making” for me in the past. Thank you, Lee in Canada

  3. Oh yes and how! This is total mindfuck! The abuse is 100% the abuser/s fault. That’s right ONE HUNDRED PER CENT!!!
    Our abusers are pure, unadulterated toxic, malicious and evil. Complete sociopaths and who in their right mind would want to have anything to do with them. They knowingly and intentionally play this dirty game to hurt us. They are fucked. I’ve had it done to me and it’s devastating. They won’t get a chance to talk when they have to stand before God and answer for EVERYTHING! Then they will be sorry but it’ll be too late. You have so much wisdom Lillian and so much empathy for those of us who are hurting.