I was not aware in any way, that the man I was falling in love with, had a delusional persona that he used to manipulate and exploit me.
I did not know his persona was a lie.
I did not have the opportunity to know the truth about him and therefore had the choice to know who he really was, and to walk away, stolen from me.
This is the reality of many narcissistic partner survivors.
Please know – if this happened to you – you should not feel any shame for having believed the lies, the persona, the fake image presented to you.
Narcissists often fool mental health professionals – so anyone can be fooled by them.
The only shame that should be felt – is by the narcissist – for their chosen manipulative, exploitative, devious and deceptive behaviours.
They won’t feel any of that shame that they should feel……. because they feel no shame, no remorse, no empathy, no guilt. And that is why they choose to repeat their behaviours, as they have no shame to cause them to stop.
Often the only emotions that will occur – are annoyance and anger at being caught out and being exposed.
At no point do they consider how they have harmed their victim. Because that is not about the narcissist. And the only person the narcissist cares about – are themselves.
But, please know – they do know what they do is wrong….. that’s why they lie and are always highly defensive. They wouldn’t need to be liars and defensive if they thought their chosen actions were okay.
So, please also know – if you have been duped, manipulated and exploited by a narcissist – it can happen to anyone, including highly educated mental health professionals, who are aware of narcissistic behaviours and personalities.
Falling in love with someone you believed to be kind, caring, loving, honest, trustworthy and a decent person – is normal. The consequences of this toxic abuse, are also normal. Survivors can often have PTSD, Complex PTSD, anxiety disorders, depression, suicidal thoughts and many other severe consequences.
Being a lying, manipulative, exploitative, devious, unremorseful narcissist – is NOT normal. It is being abusive, toxic and heinous. And that is a choice they make.
And remember – narcissistic abuse is NOT a normal life experience.
It is adverse, life impacting, distressing trauma. And that needs to be understood, and validated.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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