In my 45 years on this earth, I have never been in a relationship with anyone who actually loves me.
This song (which I love) – made me reflect on how I have missed out on love, with someone who genuinely cares about me, isn’t using/abusing me, who has my back and is safe.
I don’t know what receiving love feels like.
I don’t know what a safe relationship feels like.
Which is very sad and makes me feel a deep sense of grieving.
45 years of toxic people and no-one who loves/loved me.
I’ve always been completely alone ….. even when in relationships.
A very hard reality to endure.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 
March 3, 2017 at 12:43 am
😦 I know the awful feeling of not being truly loved by my family, so I feel for you. 😦
March 3, 2017 at 1:39 am
I’m so sorry to read of this. There really isn’t anything I can say other than to offer support and “hugs”.
I wish and hope you are someday able to find beyond your wildest dreams.
March 3, 2017 at 3:09 am
Lucy, your words are so visceral and brave … a resonant place I have experienced I have called “the black hole” … so know you are not alone. Do you know author Karla McLean’s books on empathy and emotion? Just a thought because … her insights were helpful for me to redefine how I experienced my emotions and (self) empathy. Take good care, Lee
March 3, 2017 at 11:07 am
Hello Lilly,
I totally relate to having never been loved. I am deeply suffering, devastated, isolated and have been in bed the past 4 plus years. I have no support at all. I have deep mistrust. I was in a 30 year relationship, now divorced from a covert sociopath. I don’t think I will ever get over the shock of realizing the extreme evil he is and the harm he has done. I am a highly sensitive person with traits of a empath. I am easily triggered and have flashbacks, rarely leave the house and when I do it is in the evening when it is dark. The last counselor I went to, I was triggered in the waiting room and could not stop crying, in my session she asked me if I needed to be admitted to the hospital twice. She also suggested maybe I might want to become a nun. I am exhausted and hopeless. I have been researching and seeking knowledge and truth, I relate to the information but can’t keep track of it all and remember. The trauma and abuse began in my family of origin. Never loved, Linda
March 3, 2017 at 11:24 am
You are not alone in your aloneness. Thank you for your writing. ❤
March 3, 2017 at 2:59 pm
This sentence…….
“I don’t know what a safe relationship feels like.”
…….was tough for me to read because I have never felt safe. Ever.
And if I was asked Who loves you,
I’d say no one.
I’ve noticed that people who had abusive childhoods but had one person such as a grandmother or teacher who loved them for real they seem to be more functional and successful as adults.
That’s all it takes, just one person can make a huge difference for an abused child.
And it breaks my heart that we didn’t even have one person.