Very sadly, a mother at the school my youngest son attends, has committed suicide. It’s all over Facebook posts and friends of this woman, are understandably devastated.
This woman, is also connected to the toxic Baptist church, I was abused at. And I have no doubt their toxic poison dripped into this woman’s life. Their need to shame people who do not tow the line, or who question them, sadly is negatively affecting every person connected to them, whether they realise it or not. Whether it is a large factor for the reason for her decision to suicide, I don’t know. But, what I do know, is their influence will not have helped. And sadly, her funeral is at that church.
What I noted from all the many comments on Facebook, is how everyone talked about how positive and strong she always appeared to be. And how many people had no clue she was depressed, or suicidal. Even those close to her.
It is very much a society driven toxic issue – that everyone ‘has’ to be ‘positive and strong’ all the time. And if you are not, you are weak.
The tyrannical culture of positivity, is making society weaker and I see that very clearly and is something I have previously blogged about.
People are encouraged and shamed into ‘faking positivity’ – so you meet the unhealthy demands of being constantly positive and happy. And many people demand you are always happy and positive, to make their lives stay happy and so they do not have to deal with your ‘negativity’. Which is very selfish and is not about love or compassion, at all.
Because of my connection to this family, via the toxic church, I did not feel it right to comment about this woman’s suicide and how terribly sad it is.
So, I wrote a post on my own Facebook wall, explaining how the continual shaming society need of not showing any emotions that are considered ‘negative’ – is harming people. And people are not being genuine. People who are struggling and not coping, feel unable to reach out, when they are at their worst. They feel shame to admit they are feeling the opposite of positive/happy.
To admit you are feeling hopeless, are suffering terrible emotional pain, and are desperately unhappy……. is not easy. And when shamed into believing this makes you weak……. stops those who need support the most, from reaching out to anyone.
I am a promoter of having real and genuine emotions, and not faking it. This isn’t received well by most people I know, because they fail to see the bigger picture and the reasons why it is unhealthy to suppress anger, depression etc. Why shaming people about ‘having to be positive’, makes desperate people, feel even more alone and more hopeless.
I feel so sad this woman did not appear to have anyone she could reach out to, in her darkest time. I know that place and how terrible it is. I know how it feels to think you have no other choice, but to end your life. When the pain is so unbearable. When there is no hope and you feel terminally alone and cannot get yourself out of that place of terminal hopelessness. And when you have no-one to reach out to.
And because I know this dark and painful place, I know to have empathy for people who are suicidal. I don’t tell them to ‘just think happy thoughts’, or suggest they ‘count their blessings’. Or, all the other highly insensitive ‘advice’ given by people – who make people feel worse.
I wonder if this woman had anyone in her life, like me, who she could be real with. Be totally herself with…. at her worst. And not feel like she had to ‘pretend’ to feel stronger or more positive.
I wonder if she had someone like me, who ‘gets it’ and knows to just let someone talk and be their true selves, whether good, bad or ugly.
I wonder if she has anyone in her life, with empathy and real compassion.
This terrible tragedy, has affected me to the point whether I dreamt about it last night. I’m aware of the triggers and how my compassion for those in so much emotional pain, means these situations affect me to a greater degree, than maybe they would for many other people.
My empathy means I think about her children, her husband, and how terribly painful their grieving no doubt is. I think about the younger children, who are now in this terrible trauma of losing their mum. And how so terribly sad it is. It’s made me cry several times. I’m crying now as I write this.
There is nothing I can do, except pray for her family and friends. Pray for protection during her funeral – whilst she is surrounded by toxicity at that church.
And to write about how the glorification and tyrannical culture of positivity, must stop.
Because it is killing people.
(For an article that explains more about the insight I understand – in forcing positivity, as opposed to expressing empathy……..see here… @ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/positive-thinking-emotional-support-0304135 )
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.
All rights reserved.
No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.
This includes adaptations in all forms of media.