Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


3 Comments

Yes, Narcissists Are In Love With Themselves; The Delusional Beliefs About Themselves ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Having unfortunately dealt with a lot of toxic people in my life, I have come to realise that narcissists are indeed in love with themselves – but they are in love with a delusional beliefs about themselves.

DSC_2707-013

The self delusion – is lies.

Narcissists whole lives are built on lies and deceit. And this starts with the lies they choose to believe about themselves.

And they will do anything to protect those delusions. If anyone challenges these delusions, they will react really badly and defensively.

They will hurt people even more, and have no empathy, no conscience, no remorse. Continue reading


My Trauma History Is Why I Advocate For Those Who Have Endured Complex Trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

When I write about complex trauma and the life impacting suffering caused by it, I really do mean I understand it. I have empathy for survivors of many different types of abuse, because I have endured so many, over extended periods of time.

DSC_2707-002

I have come to understand, unless someone has endured the depths of heinous abuse and suffering I have endured, or unless they have great levels of empathy to try to understand how it would feel……… their opinion about my healing, doesn’t matter.

I advocate for people who have suffered terribly, because I’ve been there. And it’s why I have no expectations, or demands as to how survivors ‘should’ be coping. However people are doing, is okay with me.

I do see many people out there giving their ‘advice’ about how abuse survivors ‘should’ be doing. And I see the damage it causes.

Empathy is vital and complex trauma survivors need gentle encouragement and validation.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved.

No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.

 


7 Comments

How To Begin To Heal The Wounds Caused By Narcissistic Parents ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

As per my last article, narcissistic parents cause considerable damage to their children. Being raised by narcissists, is not normal and there are many wounds created, that affect the survivor – right through to their adulthood.

Last article can be read @ https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/04/25/10-damaging-ways-narcissistic-parents-emotionally-harm-their-children-lilly-hope-lucario/


The following 12 steps, can be very helpful for the adult survivor. They may aid healing and greatly improve quality of life. They can aid moving towards creating a healthy life and a life of thriving and building genuine healthy relationships.

1. Dealing With The Full Extent Of The Abuse & Neglect Is Necessary

It is necessary to deal with the extent of the abuse, and this is not being disloyal or unfair to the narcissistic parent. A survivor of childhood narcissistic abuse needs to confront the truth, reality and issues in full, in order to be able to heal the complex wounds.

It may feel very uncomfortable and very painful to deal with the reality of parental narcissistic abuse. Survivors can feel they are in some way being unfair to the parent, which is usually due to the brainwashing throughout childhood.

It is needed, to understand whilst the narcissistic parent may have wounds from their own childhood, or life, this is not an excuse to abuse their children. Narcissists often also know the abuse is wrong. And this is shown by the narcissists’ capacity to act differently around people they are not abusing. Often they behave very differently at home, than they do elsewhere. Plus, they often lie about the abuse, which again shows they do know it’s wrong. The hallmark trait of narcissists, is a lack of empathy, remorse or conscience. So whilst they do know the abuse they choose to inflict is wrong, they have no desire to do differently, as they have no empathy for those they abuse.

2. Understand It Takes Time To Process The Extent Of The Abuse & Grieve

This period of time needed to process all of the damage caused, is different for everyone. I personally did not start to deal with the truth about my toxic parents, until I was 40. And it has taken a few years to process the full extent of the damage caused. For others they will begin to start dealing with the childhood abuse, in their 20’s and some it may be in their 60’s. That’s okay. And it is never too late to start to heal the wounds. We are only read to deal with it, when we are ready.

For some adult survivors, dealing with too much too soon, can be emotionally overwhelming, and it may require a gradual process. That is okay too. Each person is different and there are no hard and fast rules to healing, and no set timespan as to how long this healing journey takes.

healing takes time

A childhood full of toxicity and narcissistic abuse, needs to be grieved. This can take time. Grieving abusive parents, grieving a horrible childhood, grieving all the abuse endured, grieving all the child should have had, but didn’t, is hard. Like love, safety, protection, being cherished, being encouraged. It can be an emotionally painful grieving process. But, as with any loss – grieving is necessary and it allows the survivor to feel all the normal emotions they were never allowed.

3. Read Up On Different Types Of Abuse Caused by Narcissistic Parents

Narcissists often treat each of their children differently. They often assign roles to each child, and those roles are entirely for the benefit of the parent. One child may be assigned the role of scapegoat. And another child may be assigned the role of ‘Golden Child’. Both of these are very different, and may have different consequences, to the child and the adult they become. Narcissists often triangulate, and pit their children against each other and they rarely encourage healthy relationships between siblings.

Narcissists also have their preferred manipulation tactics. Some love to use the silent treatment. Others love to shout, scream and call their children names. Some love to make their child responsible for caring for other siblings.

It’s good to read up on the different types of abuse, as this helps us learn all the abuse was in fact entirely due to the parent’s own issues, and not due to anything the child did wrong.

I have a selection of resources from mental health professionals and best selling books, on my Website @ https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

4. Learn About Boundaries

Narcissists don’t have healthy boundaries, and this affects the growing child. Often the adult survivor will need to learn what healthy boundaries are, how to implement them and how to maintain them.

This can be a huge area of healing, and it can take time and a lot of willingness to look honestly at any deficit of healthy boundaries, and make the changes needed.

Some of the issues created by unhealthy/poor boundaries…. not being able to protect self from further toxic abuse, being a people pleaser and having a belief system that life is about meeting other people’s needs.

For resources about healthy boundaries – see https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/developing-boundaries-

5. Learn About Self Care

When raised by narcissistic parents, the child’s needs, are not a consideration. Continue reading


14 Comments

10 Damaging Ways Narcissistic Parents Emotionally Harm Their Children ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Surviving narcissistic parents, is literally all about survival. Narcissistic parents treat their children like extensions of themselves. The child is there entirely for the needs of the parent(s). The child learns to navigate issues, they are never meant to endure.

A childhood being raised by narcissistic parents, is far from normal. Narcissistic parents are toxic and selfish to the core. They have no regard for the needs of their children. They have no consideration for the harm they cause.

Everything, is ‘all about the narcissistic parent’.

narcissistic parent


This article highlights 10 ways narcissistic parents can harm their children.

1. The child is never ‘good enough’.

No matter how hard a child tries, they will never be ‘good enough’. This is shown in words and actions modelled. This often leads to a child having poor self esteem and self loathing, which continue on into adulthood.  The child learns they are only valued for what they do, and not who they are.

2. The child’s needs are never a priority.

Only the narcissistic parent’s needs matter. There is always emotional neglect and the child learns their own needs, feeling and emotions, are not a consideration and are not valued. The child is not cherished, encouraged or validated, in any way outside of the parents needs being met. The child is not nurtured, or cherished. The child is often judged, criticised and shown contempt. This can lead to the child having a huge deficit of healthy self esteem, or self worth.

3. The child is expected to take care of the narcissistic parent’s emotional needs.

Narcissistic parents see their children as extensions of themselves. The child is manipulated into continually taking care of the parents needs, whilst no regard or consideration is shown for the child’s needs. The child is often expected to perform duties outside of what is healthy behaviour.

Parentification abuse – often occurs within a relationship between a narcissistic parent and their child. The child is inappropriately made to meet the emotional and/or physical needs of the parent. Often a child will be made to responsible for caring for siblings, in ways the parent is failing to. Often the child has to listen to adult issues such as financial issues, sexual relationship issues.

The child is forced to be an adult and often not treated as the child they actually are.

4. The child’s emotions will be denied, mocked and never validated.

Narcissistic parents bully their children. Sometimes the child of a narcissist will (understandably) feel upset, angry, hurt at times. These emotions, may be mocked and even taunting the child can occur. Examples, if the child is sad, the narcissistic parent will mock and state “you are a such a misery to be around”. If the child shows anger or gets upset, the narcissistic parent will e.g. then use cruel labels such as “you are such a drama queen”. The child’s emotions are never valued.

If the child expresses feeling (appropriately) annoyed at the narcissistic parents demands, the parent will immediately employ further abuse and manipulation, to gain back control. Such as guilt tripping, shaming, silent treatment. The child’s appropriate feelings, again denied and invalidated.

5. Love or affection is always conditional.

The narcissistic parent is unwilling to show genuine love, empathy. There are always conditions the child has to meet, which are always for the benefit of the parent. If the child fails to meet the ‘conditions’ -they will be punished in emotionally abusive ways the narcissistic parent knows will hurt their children. Such as the silent treatment, or cruel words and labels. The child fails to learn any sense of self worth, outside of meeting other people’s needs and demands.

6. There is often a ‘golden child’ role & often a ‘scapegoat’ role.

Narcissistic parents often have (unspoken) ‘roles’ their children are given, that are entirely for the unhealthy needs of the parent. These assigned roles, are not ever for the benefit of the children. These roles are emotionally abuse.

The ‘golden child’ is one role, and this child can do no wrong and is there to boost the unhealthy ego of the parent. The golden child is there is flatter the parent, and to feed the shallow image needs of the parents.

The ‘scapegoat’ is the child who is given the role of taking all the blame and shame for the dysfunction within the family. The narcissistic parent needs someone to blame, as this means the parent never has to be accountable for their abusive actions. They willingly project blame and shame onto the scapegoat and the child often develops toxic shame as a result.

7. Healthy emotional and physical boundaries, do not exist with narcissists.

A narcissistic parent does not comply with normal healthy emotional boundaries required for a child to feel safe. Inappropriate comments about appearance, inappropriate body contact, completely denying the child their needed emotions and feelings. Any beliefs the child expresses that are not compliant with the parents beliefs and needs, are denied and invalidated. The narcissistic parent may also make inappropriate comments to the child’s friends. They may snoop in their child’s diaries. Or make inappropriate and demeaning comments about their child, to other people.

This failure to teach and model healthy boundaries, means the child fails to learn them, and this can often lead to further issues well into adulthood, as the adult survivor then tries to navigate adult life, without many skills required for a healthy life.

8. Various methods of emotional abuse are used to maintain control and protect image.

Such as manipulation, gas-lighting, projecting, lying, the silent treatment, comparing to other siblings, mocking, blaming, shaming, coercion and guilt trips etc.

The image of the family is paramount. Nothing negative about the parents, is allowed to be spoken outside of the family. The phrase ‘don’t air your dirty linen in public’ is one the narcissistic parents and dysfunctional family hold very strongly.

9. The child grows within a dysfunctional environment of fear and anxiety.

The child is constantly aware their parent is requiring something from them. Hyper-vigilance is developed young, as the child learns to monitor and discern the narcissistic parents moods, actions and body language.  The child knows at any point the parent could be annoyed, angry, or emotionally withdraw – when the child does something deemed to be wrong. Or even just because the narcissistic parent is in a bad mood, which is projected onto the child.

The phrase ‘walking on eggshells’, or suffer the wrath of the narcissistic parents abusive reaction, becomes something the child learns to keep themselves as safe as is possible.

10. Affection is never appropriate or consistent, so the child never feels consistently loved, or cared for.

Not being shown genuine love, is emotional neglect and is emotionally abusive. One of the main needs of any child – is love, safety and protection. These are not provided by the narcissistic parent.

For the ‘golden child’, they learn affection is based upon how much they feed the parents ego and image. The golden child is often encouraged to mock and bully their siblings. They are encouraged to feel superior to their siblings.

For the scapegoat, they learn their only role is to willingly take the blame and shame for anything, and that resistance to this, results in the adult abusing the child further. To placate the parent any way possible, becomes the way the scapegoat child exists within the dysfunction.


Narcissistic-Parents-Quote-1

Life within a dysfunctional family, is an awful neglectful childhood. It can cause considerable emotional and social issues well into adulthood. When the adult survivor embarks on adult relationships, they often do not have the skills required for to develop and maintain a healthy relationship, with partners, friends, and sometimes with their own children.

Often adult survivors of narcissistic parents have poor, unhealthy boundaries, that cause more issues – such as becoming an easy target for further abuse in adulthood.

Sometimes, the adult survivor has no awareness their childhood was dysfunctional. Sadly, this will mean the adult survivor is unaware of how their lives continue to be affected by their childhood.

Sometimes, the adult survivor is aware, or does become aware of the dysfunction, and they will choose to learn about healthy relationships, maybe seek counselling and will begin to heal the deep wounds and complex issues caused by their narcissistic parent(s).

Narcissistic abuse from parents, can also cause mental and physical health issues in adulthood. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety Disorders, OCD and many more mental health issues, can result. Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and other physical health issues can result.

For anyone looking to heal their own wounds from a dysfunctional and toxic childhood, I do recommend therapy, with someone trained and experienced in toxic abuse.

I have written about 12 ways adult survivors can begin to heal these deep wounds caused by narcissistic, toxic parents.

See @ https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/04/25/how-to-begin-to-heal-the-wounds-caused-by-narcissistic-parents-lilly-hope-lucario/

I have a host of information which may help survivors, and those interested on my Website which is recommended by mental health professionals with the trauma and abuse field. My Website includes a whole range of books and resources, which further explore the damaging ways of toxic, narcissistic parents, and the harm they cause. Plus, there are resources on healing, including books from therapists and mental health professionals.

Website @ @ https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved.

No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.


3 Comments

Watching Narcissistic Mothers Harm Their Daughters in ‘Feud’, Was Eye Opening

I’ve been watching Feud over the last week. It’s the show about Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, and their intense rivalry, and their toxic lives.

bette and joan

It is really eye opening for me. Parts of it – seeing how both of these women treated their daughters – was very reminiscent of my relationship with my mother.

Both Bette Davis and Joan Crawford had personalities founded in narcissism, ego, envy & manipulation. Having done some research, I am aware they were both considered narcissists, or possibly Crawford was Borderline Personality Disorder – but of the narcissistic type. They were both highly manipulative, selfish women.

It was fascinating watching this show and I’ve also watched most of ‘Whatever Happened To Baby Jane’ and it is amazing how well both of these women could play the part of terrible human beings, with pathological envy, and highly toxic personalities. And I know it has been said – they were so easily able to play these parts, because those behaviours and attitudes were part of their actual personalities.

Both of these women have daughters who went on to write books – about the toxic nature of their mother’s personalities and the abuse they endured. I have only now worked out that the phrase ‘Mommie, Dearest’ – used often by daughters of narcissistic mothers – comes from the book named ‘Mommie, Dearest’ (and the subsequent movie) – written by Joan Crawford’s daughter. Bette Davis’ daughter wrote ‘My Mother’s Keeper’ and again this expresses the highly toxic relationship between the daughter and her narcissistic, abusive mother.

What struck me as very reminiscent of my own relationship, with my toxic mother – is how the daughters were both just extensions of their mother. Both expected their daughters to look after them (parentification abuse), and all thoughts and actions were totally selfish and often abusive towards their daughters. There was no real or genuine love for their daughters. It was always ‘all about the mother’.

And it was interesting seeing some of the people around Joan Crawford and Bette Davis defend them, and suggest the daughters were lying, or exaggerating. Yet, the motivations of these people defending them – were entirely self serving as well. This happens in the lives of people where narcissistic people are present. Toxic people often have their ‘flying monkeys’ and defenders. And they like to try and bring down the person revealing the truth. It’s common, in these situations where toxic people are manipulating others.

Interestingly both of the daughters, chose to remove themselves from the toxic issues. They had insight into the toxicity of their mothers, and both sought to build lives away from the danger. And good for them.

I’m also not surprised that both of their mothers wanted to exact revenge and spite on their daughters, by disinheriting them. A final act of hatred towards their own daughters – for daring to expose their mothers for the abusive, selfish, narcissistic, vindictive bullies that they were.

I would like to read both of the biographies and watch the movie ‘Mommie, Dearest’. Continue reading


“The Success Of Your Blog Is Your Kindness, Compassion, Insight, Knowledge & Validation”

These are just a few of the comments I received when I posted about this Blog reaching 1.5 million views.

It has always been my motivation, to bring insight, empathy and validation to survivors. And to raise awareness and insight for those working with survivors, plus family & friends of survivors.

I am so thankful this is what I am achieving. It matters. It matters to me, that I am helping people in their healing journeys. And I am always so thankful to know, this is occurring. It is my greatest wish, that all survivors are healing. However long it takes.

~Lilly Hope Lucario

A few of the comments I received today.

Fullscreen capture 24042017 83507 AM Continue reading


5 Comments

This Blog Has Now Reached 1.5 Million Views

DSC_2707-045

I started this blog, to connect with other survivors of complex trauma, as so many of us feel so alone.
I did not realise this Blog would become so popular, especially because of the type of content – being child abuse, abuse, trauma and mental health.
But, my work, insight and writing – is supported by many, including professionals in the trauma/therapy field. And I am very thankful for that.
Thank you to all who support me and share my blogs, in helping spread more awareness, and increase compassion.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


5 Comments

We Need To Stop Shaming Severe Abuse Survivors, For Not Being ‘Strong Enough’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

DSC_2707-046

Throughout my work as an advocate for abuse survivors, I have seen a considerable amount of victim shaming, victim blaming and shame shifting. And I see the bigger picture of how much harm this causes.

Many abuse survivors are not ‘stronger’ after the abuse they have suffered. And for those who claim they are – that’s great, but it is very narcissistic to then look down on those who are struggling and mock, belittle and/or shame those who are deemed to not be ‘as strong’.

Many abuse survivors already feel considerable shame, due to the abuse they have suffered and when they are treated in this victim shaming way, that shame increases, and often leads to increased mental health issues, and can lead to suicide. When shamed for not being ‘strong enough’ – survivors can feel a burden, useless and weak. For those who have spiralled down to suicidal thoughts – this added shame can push them over the edge.

If you think about it – it doesn’t even make sense that every survivor of heinous, severe abuse – would be stronger as a result. Would anyone expect a person who has severe life impacting physical health issues, to be stronger? Of course not. Many abuse survivors have debilitating mental health issues, and many also endure physical health issues, which are life impacting and very difficult to manage. And that is not through any fault of the survivor, it is entirely the responsibility of the perpetrator(s) of the abuse.

It truly is a lack of empathy to insinuate any abuse survivor is ‘acting like a victim’ or ‘choosing to dwell in victimhood’ – when the fact is – no-one else knows the extent to which the abuse has affected the survivor. There are many factors that are beyond the survivors control, that affect coping and healing. And true empathy knows that.

Yet, I see these shaming terms perpetuated around social media and the internet. Far too many mental health professionals also choose to victim shame, and each one of those is blocked by me, as I will not tolerate it, condone it, or enable it.

As a highly insightful abuse survivor and therapist Pete Walker stated about complex trauma survivors….

For many such clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship. If we are not skilled enough to create the degree of safety they need to begin the long journey towards developing good enough trust, we may be their last.

Empathy is vital for severe abuse survivors, and shaming complex trauma survivors – creates considerable fear and a huge lack of safety. This causing the survivor to withdraw and possibly never reach out again for help. And the therapy offered, will require considerable effort to develop and maintain the degree of trust required for any therapeutic benefit. Shame should have no place in a complex trauma survivor’s therapy relationship.

See here for more info for therapists treating complex trauma. Continue reading


Why Being Authentic Really Matters ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have the skill of working people out – as to them being authentic, or fake, and whether they are manipulative and exploitative. All due to a lifetime of ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’. A lifetime of surviving and dealing with toxic people. It has created a skillset beyond the norm, which I required from a young age, to survive.

Red flags occur all the time in my life. My personal life, and on social media. I will come to know someone is not authentic (including on social media) and this has been proven correct and accurate, so many times. I will detect a fake, quicker than most people. Even quicker than many who know about toxic people.

One of things I truly hate in humanity – is the ease of which so many people will manipulate others, through lies and deceit, and exploit people in the process.

I see this within the pseudoscience world…. so many con artists peddling lies, to exploit people for money. And exploiting people’s insecurities and worries about health and the health of their children.

authentic 2

So many people out there, are exploiting people with alternative health, that has zero evidence of efficacy and dangerous stupidity is being encouraged. Anti-vaxxers are huge perpetrators of spreading lies. They work on promoting fear and a belief in conspiracy, that is now leading to formerly eradicated diseases coming back and the death of children as a result. There is no evidence that vaccinations are dangerous, or cause autism or any other issues. But, there are many people promoting this conspiracy theories about Big Pharma and they are delusional.

And anti-vaxxers are just one area of dangerous and delusional thinking, that is negatively impacting society. Another example is pyramid/MLM schemes that promote lies and deceit. One company I became aware of who engage in this is DoTERRA Essential Oils, who have been slammed by the FDA for insinuating oils can cure cancer, Ebola and autism. And they have a deceitful marketing scam in place, which is complete lies – that their oils are ‘therapeutic grade’. There is no such thing. The only ‘essential’ part of essential oils, is believing their lies. That is essential to them successfully conning you. When I found out this company are based completely on lies and exploitation, I realised just how deep the levels of con artistry exist within the pseudoscience world.

This from Dr George Simon – is insight into the minds of pseudoscience promoters….. who do not want to submit to the greater knowledge, research and understanding of scientists and experts in the field….

“To have character integrity you have to not only be genuine but also principled. Moreover, to be properly principled you have to both respect and be willing to subordinate yourself to some “higher power” or authority. Ultimately, the mark of the disturbed character is their deficient or absent recognition of and submission to a higher power.

The manipulative personality is a particular breed of character. Most folks manipulate to some degree. But some folks “con” as a lifestyle. Such disturbed characters get the things they want from people through deception and trickery. They are who they are, which I suppose makes them “authentic” in one regard. But they’re not who they appear to be when they present themselves to you. So that makes them inherently dishonest – proverbial wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

~ Dr George Simon – Expert In Toxic People & Author of In Sheep’s Clothing. 

Source: https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/manipulative-characters-lack-authenticity/

You only have to look at the obvious BS being promoted by people like David Avacodo Wolfe – who is indeed a #WolfeInSheepsClothing. He peddles absolute BS and so many fall for it. It is a dire state that society is in, when he has over a million followers on Facebook alone, and so many choose to agree with his beliefs – such as ‘gravity is a toxin’, ‘chocolate is an octave of the sun’ and ‘the earth is flat’. I find it absolutely bizarre that people swallow that BS. But, I also suspect Wolfe knows he is peddling BS, and he is actually laughing at how much BS people will swallow. I think he really knows what he is doing, and a master con artist. Either that, or one of the most delusional people on the planet. And he is getting very rich – despite claiming that Big Pharma are only in it for the money. Does Wolfe supply his supplements and ‘natural’ products etc for free……….no of course he doesn’t.

And some people truly buy into the belief that believing lies and BS, makes you ‘open minded’. It helps them rationalise their irrational thinking. Their capacity for insight and critical thinking, does not exist.

Some people will claim all of this is harmless. But, it isn’t. The bigger picture is it’s dangerous and affects the health of people, and worse – is harming children.

It also encourages delusional thinking – because any thinking that is based upon lies, with no evidence to prove it’s efficacy – is delusional. Continue reading


4 Comments

My Timespan Of Shutting Down Completely To Cope/Survive – Is Lessoning ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

As per my last post, I have been really struggling. Ongoing trauma issues in my life and a lack of support for that, can be really hard to deal with.

Childhood complex trauma survivors – have to unconsciously formulate coping strategies, that help them survive the ongoing abuse and trauma being endured. These ways of coping – continue on into adulthood.

tired woman 3

One of my coping ways from childhood which still occurs now – is ‘Freeze’. Which is said by Pete Walker – to be the trauma typology of dissociating. And is the hardest to treat and heal – of the four types of trauma responses of Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn.

See here for more info https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/about1

As per Pete Walker… The freeze response, also known as the camouflage response, often triggers the individual into hiding, isolating and eschewing human contact as much as possible. This type can be so frozen in retreat mode that it seems as if their starter button is stuck in the “off” position. It is usually the most profoundly abandoned child – “the lost child” – who is forced to “choose” and habituate to the freeze response (the most primitive of the 4Fs). Unable to successfully employ fight, flight or fawn responses, the freeze type’s defenses develop around classical dissociation, which allows him to disconnect from experiencing his abandonment pain, and protects him from risky social interactions – any of which might trigger feelings of being reabandoned.

I also have the trauma response of Fawn, which I have realised is something I display in my therapy relationship. Whenever threatened with any perceived threat of my counsellors withdrawal of support, or criticism of my efforts to deal with issues, or anything negative, I end up apologising – even when not appropriate/needed. It echoes my relationship with my mother…. I am hurt – but rather than face abandonment – I will do and say whatever I think she wants. Continue reading