Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Life Impacting Consequence – Of Toxic Parents Destroying Their Children’s Happiness ~ Lilly Hope Lucario



Toxic parents project their own darkness and issues onto their children.

One of the ways they do this, is to make sure the targeted child(ren) are not happy and to make sure they do not believe they should be happy. They destroy any happiness their children try to find.

Having my mother tell me this any time I tried to be happy – made me believe being happy was shameful and something I did not deserve. I only deserved to be unhappy – and even that was mocked.

Complex trauma survivors struggle to maintain any positive emotions. And this is one reason why.

Complex trauma survivors often experience happiness or positive emotions for very brief periods of time, before they spiral down into what feels like depression, but in fact is often shame.

Another reason positive emotions are short lived, are because when you are living in a harmful, toxic, unsafe home – abuse is always imminent – and we grow to know happiness is only ever very short lived, before we are enduring the next abusive onslaught.

Children’s brain are still growing and developing throughout their childhoods. The harmful and abusive experiences – affect the growing brain. Along with the brain being wired for fear, it is also wired to experience shame – as soon as any positive emotions are felt.

Having abusive parents – is horrendous and a childhood no child should ever endure.

Processing this, figuring out what causes us to feel the way we do, is all part of healing. The next part is acknowledging we do deserve happiness and joy, and to deal with the shame we experience. Telling ourselves repeatedly that we are worthy of positive emotions and maintaining them for longer periods of time. And not feeling this is wrong or undeserved.

It takes time for us to create new positive pathways in the brain – to re-wire out thoughts and beliefs – to appropriate and healthy ones.

It can take time for all this to occur. It doesn’t happen overnight. I’m 5 years into therapy and processing trauma – and I am still working on this.

But, I know – it was an entire childhood of abuse that created these complex trauma issues. So, however long it takes to heal it – is absolutely okay.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

12 thoughts on “The Life Impacting Consequence – Of Toxic Parents Destroying Their Children’s Happiness ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. I am hesitant, nervous and even afraid to get too happy or excited about something because of the constant expectation that there’s a shoe that will soon be dropped. Do you think that’s more conditioning than shame? (Or maybe both?) I can see how it could be both.

  2. how do i find a therapist that deals with cptsd. i can’t even find one that knows how to deal with ptsd.

    • A therapist who is trained in complex trauma is the most appropriate therapist. It can be hard to find someone trained and insightful in complex trauma. I do have a list of questions to ask a potential therapist. If you search ‘questions to ask’ on the search facility on this blog – you will find the questions.
      Lilly ❤

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  4. Yes, Lilly, I agree. It takes time to create new positive pathways in our brains. So glad you are in therapy. It really is a life-long venture, but I will share w/ you that it does get better along the way. I don’t mean all better…that won’t be until we are on the other side of this earth. But moving forward & making progress is a really wonderful thing!

  5. Craven and shattered….. That’s what emotionally abused children become

  6. I”ve found a good support group,Adult Children of Alcoholics (dysfunctional families).Everyone in there has complex ptsd.I’m not alone anymore and making friends. God Bless LOL

  7. I find it hard to stay in any good place…fear the negative around the corner.
    It was from conditioning….my dad would tease, trick, taunt, physiological abuse…..in ways that would set you up to want good then slap you up the head with something bad….and then laugh because you fell for his tricks…after so long ….you learn to shut down and fear falling into the traps.

  8. Thank you miss Lilly. Cause I’ve got a two diagnosis which sounds confusing. My doctor isn’t a psychiatrist nor a psychologist but she does her best even though her best didn’t help me. It thwarted me back further. Anyways it’s all a part of the journey and learning I just hope she learned something from it. But I’m diagnosis Ed as borderline personality disorder, bipolar 2 and generalized anxiety disorder. This can’t be right. Until I just stumbled across your pin . I’m going to show this to my doctor in order to maybe get steered in the right direction and finally receive dbt therapy amongst other help I may need to hopefully become a member of functioning society. I’m a single mom of a teenager . And would not want my disorder to be swipped up and affect my kid, in the extremes it’s affected my life.

    • A lot of people with Complex PTSD, get misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s because even many mental health professionals aren’t educated enough about Complex Trauma. Plus, Complex PTSD is not officially a disorder in the DSM yet, so some doctors, won’t use the diagnosis, and automatically diagnose BPD.
      But, there are differences between Complex PTSD and BPD.
      Lilly ❤