For the last 5 years, I have been trying to stand up for myself, to explain how all the abuse I have endured throughout my entire life, has harmed me. And tried to stand up for my needs, implement boundaries and not allow people to walk all over me and harm me.
All this has brought me is more grief. More abuse. More harm.
So, I give up.
I’m just going to tell people what they want to hear and let them do whatever they want.
Just disconnect emotionally and get through the day as calm and detached as I can.
It’s the only way I can keep surviving, when I have no genuine support and no-one who cares about my wellbeing. All I have are people who victim blame/shame, tell me I am not good enough and everything I do is not good enough. And somehow always bring the issues about me being abused – back to somehow being my responsibility and shamed for my normal human responses to abuse.
I’ve been pushed too far now and I am too exhausted to do anything else, but give up.
The only way to cope with my life, is to just check out emotionally.
When you feel nothing, you can’t be hurt.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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