Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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This Blog Has Now Reached 1.5 Million Views

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I started this blog, to connect with other survivors of complex trauma, as so many of us feel so alone.
I did not realise this Blog would become so popular, especially because of the type of content – being child abuse, abuse, trauma and mental health.
But, my work, insight and writing – is supported by many, including professionals in the trauma/therapy field. And I am very thankful for that.
Thank you to all who support me and share my blogs, in helping spread more awareness, and increase compassion.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


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We Need To Stop Shaming Severe Abuse Survivors, For Not Being ‘Strong Enough’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Throughout my work as an advocate for abuse survivors, I have seen a considerable amount of victim shaming, victim blaming and shame shifting. And I see the bigger picture of how much harm this causes.

Many abuse survivors are not ‘stronger’ after the abuse they have suffered. And for those who claim they are – that’s great, but it is very narcissistic to then look down on those who are struggling and mock, belittle and/or shame those who are deemed to not be ‘as strong’.

Many abuse survivors already feel considerable shame, due to the abuse they have suffered and when they are treated in this victim shaming way, that shame increases, and often leads to increased mental health issues, and can lead to suicide. When shamed for not being ‘strong enough’ – survivors can feel a burden, useless and weak. For those who have spiralled down to suicidal thoughts – this added shame can push them over the edge.

If you think about it – it doesn’t even make sense that every survivor of heinous, severe abuse – would be stronger as a result. Would anyone expect a person who has severe life impacting physical health issues, to be stronger? Of course not. Many abuse survivors have debilitating mental health issues, and many also endure physical health issues, which are life impacting and very difficult to manage. And that is not through any fault of the survivor, it is entirely the responsibility of the perpetrator(s) of the abuse.

It truly is a lack of empathy to insinuate any abuse survivor is ‘acting like a victim’ or ‘choosing to dwell in victimhood’ – when the fact is – no-one else knows the extent to which the abuse has affected the survivor. There are many factors that are beyond the survivors control, that affect coping and healing. And true empathy knows that.

Yet, I see these shaming terms perpetuated around social media and the internet. Far too many mental health professionals also choose to victim shame, and each one of those is blocked by me, as I will not tolerate it, condone it, or enable it.

As a highly insightful abuse survivor and therapist Pete Walker stated about complex trauma survivors….

For many such clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship. If we are not skilled enough to create the degree of safety they need to begin the long journey towards developing good enough trust, we may be their last.

Empathy is vital for severe abuse survivors, and shaming complex trauma survivors – creates considerable fear and a huge lack of safety. This causing the survivor to withdraw and possibly never reach out again for help. And the therapy offered, will require considerable effort to develop and maintain the degree of trust required for any therapeutic benefit. Shame should have no place in a complex trauma survivor’s therapy relationship.

See here for more info for therapists treating complex trauma. Continue reading


Why Being Authentic Really Matters ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have the skill of working people out – as to them being authentic, or fake, and whether they are manipulative and exploitative. All due to a lifetime of ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’. A lifetime of surviving and dealing with toxic people. It has created a skillset beyond the norm, which I required from a young age, to survive.

Red flags occur all the time in my life. My personal life, and on social media. I will come to know someone is not authentic (including on social media) and this has been proven correct and accurate, so many times. I will detect a fake, quicker than most people. Even quicker than many who know about toxic people.

One of things I truly hate in humanity – is the ease of which so many people will manipulate others, through lies and deceit, and exploit people in the process.

I see this within the pseudoscience world…. so many con artists peddling lies, to exploit people for money. And exploiting people’s insecurities and worries about health and the health of their children.

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So many people out there, are exploiting people with alternative health, that has zero evidence of efficacy and dangerous stupidity is being encouraged. Anti-vaxxers are huge perpetrators of spreading lies. They work on promoting fear and a belief in conspiracy, that is now leading to formerly eradicated diseases coming back and the death of children as a result. There is no evidence that vaccinations are dangerous, or cause autism or any other issues. But, there are many people promoting this conspiracy theories about Big Pharma and they are delusional.

And anti-vaxxers are just one area of dangerous and delusional thinking, that is negatively impacting society. Another example is pyramid/MLM schemes that promote lies and deceit. One company I became aware of who engage in this is DoTERRA Essential Oils, who have been slammed by the FDA for insinuating oils can cure cancer, Ebola and autism. And they have a deceitful marketing scam in place, which is complete lies – that their oils are ‘therapeutic grade’. There is no such thing. The only ‘essential’ part of essential oils, is believing their lies. That is essential to them successfully conning you. When I found out this company are based completely on lies and exploitation, I realised just how deep the levels of con artistry exist within the pseudoscience world.

This from Dr George Simon – is insight into the minds of pseudoscience promoters….. who do not want to submit to the greater knowledge, research and understanding of scientists and experts in the field….

“To have character integrity you have to not only be genuine but also principled. Moreover, to be properly principled you have to both respect and be willing to subordinate yourself to some “higher power” or authority. Ultimately, the mark of the disturbed character is their deficient or absent recognition of and submission to a higher power.

The manipulative personality is a particular breed of character. Most folks manipulate to some degree. But some folks “con” as a lifestyle. Such disturbed characters get the things they want from people through deception and trickery. They are who they are, which I suppose makes them “authentic” in one regard. But they’re not who they appear to be when they present themselves to you. So that makes them inherently dishonest – proverbial wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

~ Dr George Simon – Expert In Toxic People & Author of In Sheep’s Clothing. 

Source: https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/manipulative-characters-lack-authenticity/

You only have to look at the obvious BS being promoted by people like David Avacodo Wolfe – who is indeed a #WolfeInSheepsClothing. He peddles absolute BS and so many fall for it. It is a dire state that society is in, when he has over a million followers on Facebook alone, and so many choose to agree with his beliefs – such as ‘gravity is a toxin’, ‘chocolate is an octave of the sun’ and ‘the earth is flat’. I find it absolutely bizarre that people swallow that BS. But, I also suspect Wolfe knows he is peddling BS, and he is actually laughing at how much BS people will swallow. I think he really knows what he is doing, and a master con artist. Either that, or one of the most delusional people on the planet. And he is getting very rich – despite claiming that Big Pharma are only in it for the money. Does Wolfe supply his supplements and ‘natural’ products etc for free……….no of course he doesn’t.

And some people truly buy into the belief that believing lies and BS, makes you ‘open minded’. It helps them rationalise their irrational thinking. Their capacity for insight and critical thinking, does not exist.

Some people will claim all of this is harmless. But, it isn’t. The bigger picture is it’s dangerous and affects the health of people, and worse – is harming children.

It also encourages delusional thinking – because any thinking that is based upon lies, with no evidence to prove it’s efficacy – is delusional. Continue reading