Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

One Of Biggest Issues Complex Trauma Survivors Continue To Endure ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


I posted this to my Facebook page on 30/04/17, and the responses were amazing. So many survivors related to this insight and the way the trauma keeps on affecting our lives. Plus, how I have learned to deal with this.

Facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD/

Throughout my own life, and reading about so many people’s lives resulting from Complex Trauma,…..one of the main issues I see – that is so crippling and debilitating, is the lack of empathy and compassion from others, and the terrible isolation and loneliness that results. And how the suffering continues.

Other people not understanding, not caring, invalidating – simply makes our lives worse. Whether this hurt is intentionally meant, or not.

It is understandable that we endured a lack of empathy, and lack of love and caring about us, from those who caused the complex trauma.


The ongoing issues of not being believed, not being validated, having our suffering minimized, or invalidated and the lack of understanding of all the ways Complex PTSD and/or severe PTSD continue to affect our lives ….. is basically further trauma.

This keeps us in a state of hypervigilance, depression, anxiety and perpetuates the emotional flashbacks, the lack of trust, the understandable fear about people and this triggers the pain and suffering from the past.

So, it becomes hurt that is being caused now, and triggers of the hurt caused in the past. A double whammy of pain and trauma.

And people wonder why we seem to not ‘get over it’ and why we don’t ‘leave it in the past’. The simple fact is, the trauma is continuing….. even if people don’t understand that.

This is what led me to know, the only person who’s opinion truly matters – is my own. As long as ‘I’ validate the trauma and the suffering and as long as ‘I’ have compassion for myself, it doesn’t hurt quite so much – when others don’t.

I learned to have self care, self compassion and to have healthy interests and hobbies that do not have to involve people. I have photography, yoga, pilates and these are a form of self love. And it took a really long time to believe I deserved any love. Including for myself.

I learned that whilst it is normal to want love, compassion and validation from others………. the person I need this most from – is me. And I am still in this journey.

I don’t know if this will resonate with anyone, but if it does, please know I do understand how hard all this is and I also know how deserving of love, compassion and care – each one of us is.

Much love, Lilly Hope Lucario

(A selection of responses to this post, are below).

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This is a selection of a few of the responses. There were many more. The insight really resonates with people who are enduring ongoing hurt and trauma, but don’t necessarily understand it. It helps explain why we don’t just ‘get over it’. Especially when the lack of compassion and lack of support, continues on causing more trauma.

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “One Of Biggest Issues Complex Trauma Survivors Continue To Endure ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. thank you Lilly and each kind soul who .. gives expression to my lifetime of invalidation.
    Was reading your post Lilly about complex trauma never really going away.
    For me I cannot be mended by words or by being with another because my .. the baby me was / is still waiting.
    There has come a time now where my not existing has run out of time to be nothing in .. and I can longer feel words in innocence .. Can no longer context even with myself without my skin feeling trauma sensations .. and my eyes hold the tension of liquid as if sorrow would gush without careful and fragile awareness .. constant awareness.
    I’m fifty this Friday and have worked out that alcohol and fags are not the solution.
    Our trauma is real ..
    we were biologically and emotionally suffocated and .. taken for fools.

  2. Dear Lilly- though I’ve read your writings and benefitted from them many times, I just ran across this post and I am in tears. Thank you so much for knowing- knowing the combination of loneliness and need for connection, yet isolation from not feeling safe around most people, and needing to be alone to protect myself. I have so many years of recovery and practice ongoing self care and compassion, yet at times the pain emerges as you wrote about- sharp and re-traumatizing at living in a world that does not and cannot understand. I work with other survivors for a living and feel fortunate to be able to pass along my recovery experience and have that compassion for them, as well as being to pass along really relevant validating thoughts such as what you wrote. However, they are not friends and I cannot lean on them or make it about me.
    I know all of our circumstances may be slightly different, so I often feel as if I don’t know anyone else in my situation but know the suffering can feel the same. The re-traumatizing is so real. Family scapegoat with no contact with any family member, and I have chosen not to have children, and feel embarrassed that I don’t have any close friends. No one who would be there for me in an emergency. I live with a partner and he is usually kind but can’t relate and I do get triggered by his lack of voice validation so luckily he gives me space to withdraw. He cannot be counted on to be leaned on as family. The sense of craving others in my situation- not on line but in person, yet knowing I might push anyone away who tired to get close, can be acutely painful, especially around the holidays and as I have gotten older. Craving family that I never had never stops and living in a world that presumes that he in,y reason I don’t have friends or family is something wrong with me. I know it was and is my courage that had me leave my family and speak up, but it is still lonely and a very vulnerable life, despite me looking good n
    Thank you for all that you do- it truly matters. From the bottom of my heart.

  3. Thank you so very much. It is so hard when people don’t understand what you are going through. And what’s worse is that Their lack of understanding generates a response that makes you feel worse because they do feel like you should get over it but the way they treat you only perpetuates the feelings they’re saying you should get over.