I posted this to my Facebook page on 30/04/17, and the responses were amazing. So many survivors related to this insight and the way the trauma keeps on affecting our lives. Plus, how I have learned to deal with this.
Throughout my own life, and reading about so many people’s lives resulting from Complex Trauma,…..one of the main issues I see – that is so crippling and debilitating, is the lack of empathy and compassion from others, and the terrible isolation and loneliness that results. And how the suffering continues.
Other people not understanding, not caring, invalidating – simply makes our lives worse. Whether this hurt is intentionally meant, or not.
It is understandable that we …endured a lack of empathy, and lack of love and caring about us, from those who caused the complex trauma.
The ongoing issues of not being believed, not being validated, having our suffering minimized, or invalidated and the lack of understanding of all the ways Complex PTSD and/or severe PTSD continue to affect our lives ….. is basically further trauma.
This keeps us in a state of hypervigilance, depression, anxiety and perpetuates the emotional flashbacks, the lack of trust, the understandable fear about people and this triggers the pain and suffering from the past.
So, it becomes hurt that is being caused now, and triggers of the hurt caused in the past. A double whammy of pain and trauma.
And people wonder why we seem to not ‘get over it’ and why we don’t ‘leave it in the past’. The simple fact is, the trauma is continuing….. even if people don’t understand that.
This is what led me to know, the only person who’s opinion truly matters – is my own. As long as ‘I’ validate the trauma and the suffering and as long as ‘I’ have compassion for myself, it doesn’t hurt quite so much – when others don’t.
I learned to have self care, self compassion and to have healthy interests and hobbies that do not have to involve people. I have photography, yoga, pilates and these are a form of self love. And it took a really long time to believe I deserved any love. Including for myself.
I learned that whilst it is normal to want love, compassion and validation from others………. the person I need this most from – is me. And I am still in this journey.
I don’t know if this will resonate with anyone, but if it does, please know I do understand how hard all this is and I also know how deserving of love, compassion and care – each one of us is.
Much love, Lilly Hope Lucario
(A selection of responses to this post, are below).
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This is a selection of a few of the responses. There were many more. The insight really resonates with people who are enduring ongoing hurt and trauma, but don’t necessarily understand it. It helps explain why we don’t just ‘get over it’. Especially when the lack of compassion and lack of support, continues on causing more trauma.