I am so aware of the thinking many people will choose, to deal with their lives. One of the issues I have seen throughout my entire life, is people with delusional beliefs about who they are. And how it’s always been to deceive themselves and others, they are better than they actually are. Many of these have been dishonest, manipulative, toxic people, with malicious intent. They live in delusional belief systems.
I’ve dealt with this – my entire life.
I’ve also seen a lot of abuse survivors, choosing to have an ‘I am a strong warrior survivor’ persona/identity, to cope with their lives. They believe this makes them strong and it helps them cope. And I do get that.
But, to me, it flags as potentially dishonest. Because the reality for many survivors, is we struggle to cope. We struggle to deal with the reality of the trauma. We struggle to cope with all the symptoms, caused by complex trauma. And there should be NO shame in that. There should be no shame in being honest and saying “this is so hard and I’m not coping”. There is more courage in admitting this.
And, the bigger picture of this ‘strong warrior identity’ is…… other survivors are deemed to not be strong enough, if they don’t wear this persona/identity. Yet, not wearing it, is often more honest. For those, like myself, who talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of trying to live life after complex trauma…….. I believe this is far more honest. It is more real. And being real and honest, are very important to me. I’ve seen enough fake and delusional masks/identities people wear. I want real.
I also see clearly the identity some survivors choose, can actually be harmful. It’s harmful to place those expectations on all survivors. And it also can hinder people’s healing, because in wearing that identity/persona, some are failing to face the truth, are failing to process the trauma and failing to grieve the trauma. And that is not healthy, or healing. Continue reading