This week in counselling, my counsellor raised the discussion of me being an empath. She told me she was always concerned about me saying this previously, because I used to take the hurt and harm other people throw my way, and internalize this, which is not healthy.
Now, because my capacity to ignore fake people, trolls, toxic people and harmful people is so much stronger, she is okay with using the term ’empath’ to describe my intrinsic capacity for empathy for others.
I do understand her concern about my lack of boundaries, my lack of ability to deal with toxicity in the past. It certainly has caused me a lot of trauma, stress, anxiety and hurt. But, I have developed the skills needed, to be a healthy empath. I can totally see why she did not want to encourage this ’empath with no boundaries’ in the past. And she was right not to encourage that.
I realise how vital it was, that I develop greater skills and boundaries to protect myself from harm. And she is really happy to see that I no longer internalise other people’s issues. I can stop, step back and realise other people’s issues – are ‘their’ issues and whilst I understand they have issues, I am not their emotional punching bag, to vent their issues onto. And my capacity to discern fake people, narcissistic people and non genuine people, is a gift, that I no longer ignore.
I also know now, I am not responsible for anyone else’s issues, at all. I am not anyone’s therapist, and I am not a door mat for any more harm. I do not react back, and I just put them at a healthy distance, hope they can deal with their issues at some point in their life, and leave them to that. That is ‘their’ journey, not mine.
This truly shows a lot of healing and I am glad to have come to this point.
I am an empath, and I pick up on the emotions, non verbal cues, motivations and thinking – whether that be good, bad or ugly. It’s one reason I can discern toxic people easily and that has been proven so many times.
It’s why I can put myself in the shoes of someone else and imagine what they are enduring and what they are feeling, even when it is something I have not personally endured. My deep skill for discernment, has also helped develop this empath capacity.
I’ve grown from being an empath, with poor boundaries and little awareness of how to protect myself……… to an empath with healthy boundaries and an awareness of what is my responsibility to deal with, and what is not.
It’s a good place to be at!
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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