I have blogged before, about my husband being highly narcissistic, and his family being narcissistic and dysfunctional. And that has been validated within counselling, where both myself and my husband have talked separately with my counsellor.
My husband, has been making continual effort to be a normal person, over the last few months. Our home has become far less unhealthy, as result. We are not arguing. He is not denying any of the narcissistic behaviours he has abused me with.
Today, he went to see his parents, who are visiting and staying in a local hotel. This was to explain to them the issues they have caused, with their selfish and narcissistic behaviours. And, my husband said they took it well. They even heard their ‘golden boy’ is not in fact that at all. My husband admitted to them he is a liar, hid many things from me, is manipulative and has contributed towards the breakdown I had 5 years ago. They ‘owned’ their behaviours and understood that they only see things from the place of their own needs and don’t think about the needs and feelings of others. And how I have been an amazing daughter-in-law, and they should remember that.
Now, if you had asked me 6 months ago, if I thought this would ever happen, I would have said no way!
I think I am in a bit of shock, as to how this has gone down.
After all, the consensus is, that narcissistic people don’t change. And I’m sure many don’t.
But, I do see a glimmer of hope. I’m not being foolish and assuming 100% this is all completely genuine. After all, my husband is a pathological liar. But, I know when people are not genuine and I will know when I see his parents tomorrow, just how genuine this all is. They won’t be able to fool me.
So, we will see what happens tomorrow.
I truly hope this leads to some change in my in-laws thinking and behaviours, and I definitely hope this is all genuine from my husband. Particularly, for the sake of my children.
In fact, if this is all genuine, then it will lead to everyone’s lives concerned, becoming better. So, I am supporting all these recent changes in behaviours and thinking.
And time will tell.
Something I have also realised is……… people don’t change overnight, and especially not issues like narcissism. So, I am giving my husband the time and the grace needed to change, that I would offer anyone else, who has unhealthy behaviours and is wanting to change.
I have the empathy to realise it won’t be a quick process, but, I am happy with continual effort and change over time.
(I am adding to this, this blog is in no way advice to others on following the same path of giving toxic people chances to change. Every situation is different. Every survivor of abuse, has the right to make their choices and if they choose no contact, or low contact – that is absolutely their choice and I support that).
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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