Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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My GP confirmed, I should have had heart/blood pressure tests months ago

I saw my regular GP today. She was very concerned about the events surrounding my blood pressure issues and breaking my hand. She confirmed if I had presented to her months ago with the symptoms I was having then – low blood pressure, dizziness, blacking out, she would have run tests immediately.

A part of me was hoping she would not have said that, although I knew she would. Her confirming this means it’s 100% true that my counsellor GP failed to do what was obviously necessary. And my broken hand is 100% her fault.

There’s a part me, the inner child in me, absolutely devastated. She failed me about something potentially life threatening, probably because she thought I was dramatizing. And now this is absolute proof how wrong she is. If she did think I was being a ‘drama queen’ – she was completely wrong and treated no differently than my abusive family.

And she had the audacity to patronise me about looking up info on the internet. When clearly she just didn’t want me finding out how negligent she has been.

And there’s the 46 year old, who is really angry. Because this is 100% medical negligence. And I have every right to be angry. I could be dead from a heart attack or stroke and my children could have lost their mother. Because she didn’t do her job.

Then there’s all the abusers who have created these heart issues. The strain my body, heart and brain have endured over 46 years of my life, have not just resulted in PTSD, but now serious physical health issues, that can be life threatening.

My regular GP asked me a lot of questions about my family history of heart issues, all the child abuse, me having PTSD. She did her job the right way. Which I really appreciate.

I’m now having a blood pressure monitor, a brain scan, other tests and I have to see a specialist ‘asap’ to find out the exact cause. All tests I should have had months ago, which would also have meant I didn’t break bones in my hand. Continue reading


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I can now call my abusers anything I want.

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Now I don’t have to care if I say the ‘wrong thing’ in counselling, I am free to call the abuse what it was – evil.

And the abuser – evil.

And a narcissist. Or sociopath. Or psychopath. Or paedophile. Or sex offender. Or whatever else I want to call them.

There is a greater level of freedom, when you don’t feel like you have to please your counsellor, who always minimized and invalidated everything I endured.  And always made me feel like a bad person, for talking about abusers in a ‘bad’ way.

Now I can say anything I want and not risk the patronising tone, the invalidating attitudes, the loaded silences, the obvious displeasure – when I didn’t say what was expected.

I’ve endured major anxiety for 5 years, about supposedly calling them the ‘wrong thing’ – because to her ‘that’ was the priority. Not the decades of abuse. To her the terrible thing, was me labelling them wrongly. Continue reading

It’s Necessary For Complex Trauma Survivors – To Understand They Do Not Need To Tolerate Any Form Of Abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Peace Within, Is Far Better Than Hurt & Pain ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have learned much throughout my life, and one clear message is many people have limitations – due to their own egos, delusions, self serving needs & beliefs.

And you can either accept this, and move on…. or you can harbor hurt, betrayal, anger, resentment.

I’ve done all the anger I needed to feel, to heal. So, I choose to accept and move on.

Other people’s limitations and resulting issues, are not my issue to internalise.

I choose peace.

garden of eden

Plus, healthy boundaries.

I know now, it is better to walk alone, than with those who don’t have your best interests at heart.

I’m done with feeling hurt by the actions of others. Continue reading


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Better To Grieve It All Now, Than Years Down The Track ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

It would seem 2017, is the year of grieving. My ex husband, my mother, my marriage, my therapist.

One thing I am determined not to do, is keep going back to someone who does not have my best interests at heart.

I’m stronger than that now.

Sometimes things happen that force you to truly deal with issues and at that point – you have to decide whether you going to continue to allow someone to treat you badly. Or not.

And to realise it takes a person with integrity, honesty and good character to own their wrongdoing. In my life, I have seen very little of these character traits.

alone all my life

Grieving sucks, but I would rather deal with it all now, than deal with more down the track. Continue reading


How People Deal With Screwing Up, Matters ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

a good apology

 

People screw up. Some more than others, but to me it’s they deal with what they’ve done wrong that matters…

Do they own their wrongdoing.

Do they apologise.

Do they mean it.

Do they have remorse.

Do they try to put it right.

All of these indicate someone’s true character and whether they are decent people.

It’s always one of life’s biggest tests. How they deal with screwing up. And sadly in my lifetime, all I’ve ever seen is selfish people denying, rationalising, making excuses, gas-lighting, invalidating etc. All typical behaviours of weak, narcissistic, selfish people. Continue reading