There is much debate about these two questions. For me there is no debate. I don’t self soothe with lies that make it easier to bear.
I know some survivors of abuse choose to believe their abuser ‘couldn’t help it’. That’s easier to deal with, than the truth of knowing an abuser intentionally abused them.
I know there are mental health professionals, who choose to believe abusers don’t know their actions are abuse. I am aware this is also self soothing – so it’s easier to provide therapy and be nice to them.
All of my abusers knew it was wrong, abuse and they all proved they could control their behaviours. So, the only answer left – was they intentionally, deliberately and knowingly abused me.
It is interesting how ‘different’ my abusers could be around other people.
In fact, some of them went as far as having incredibly deceptive images – such as a church pastor and a psychopath who did ‘charity work’.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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June 4, 2017 at 3:05 am
I think the context of abuse says it all.
If it always conveniently happens when there are no witnesses around to prevent it, then that constitutes a deliberate choice to do two things; to abuse the victim and to ensure that they have no-one to validate the reality of that abuse. The victim can then be very easily gaslighted, and all their assertions denied, compounding the abuse many times over.
Yes, they can help it.