Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Do abusers know what they do is wrong? Can they control their behaviours?

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There is much debate about these two questions. For me there is no debate. I don’t self soothe with lies that make it easier to bear.

I know some survivors of abuse choose to believe their abuser ‘couldn’t help it’. That’s easier to deal with, than the truth of knowing an abuser intentionally abused them.

I know there are mental health professionals, who choose to believe abusers don’t know their actions are abuse. I am aware this is also self soothing – so it’s easier to provide therapy and be nice to them.

All of my abusers knew it was wrong, abuse and they all proved they could control their behaviours. So, the only answer left – was they intentionally, deliberately and knowingly abused me.



It is interesting how ‘different’ my abusers could be around other people.

In fact, some of them went as far as having incredibly deceptive images – such as a church pastor and a psychopath who did ‘charity work’.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “Do abusers know what they do is wrong? Can they control their behaviours?

  1. I think the context of abuse says it all.

    If it always conveniently happens when there are no witnesses around to prevent it, then that constitutes a deliberate choice to do two things; to abuse the victim and to ensure that they have no-one to validate the reality of that abuse. The victim can then be very easily gaslighted, and all their assertions denied, compounding the abuse many times over.

    Yes, they can help it.