This last two weeks, have been really hard. I found out my mother died and my in-laws are visiting. Two difficult issues.
Interestingly, both have been okay to deal with. I encouraged my husband to deal with his dysfunctional family issues, and own up to his parents, as not being the ‘golden child’ they believe he is. He told them a lot. Including all his lying and manipulating. And how he contributed to my breakdown 5 years ago. And about some of the stuff they have done that is not okay. That confrontation of their family issues, went surprisingly well.
My mother’s death, has been a strange issue to deal with. I think I’ve done all my grieving already. So, whilst I do feel really sad at times, I’m more sad for my mother and all she lost out in life, because she chose to be a toxic, abusive woman.
I’m exhausted though.
Like really tired, into the core of my being.
We went to a local zoo today, with my in-laws. It was a great day. But, so tiring. Good tiring.
And I’m okay with feeling this tired. I know I am dealing with a lot at the moment. I know I am coping well, and that is good, but there are effects of all this going on over the last few weeks.
I allow myself normal and natural feelings and effects. I know now, it is far healthier to feel them, and just go with it, than to feel shame, or try to suppress them.
I’m going to try to get back into my normal routine of yoga, Pilates, meditation and time to myself. But, if that takes a few weeks to get back into it, then that’s okay.
I’m so much better at this self care lifestyle now.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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