Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Growth & Healing Continue ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

1 Comment

grow through

It’s good to have feedback from my counsellor, as to where I’m at. We’ve had an up and down therapy relationship, but we’ve both learned and grown from each other.

I know I am at a place, where it feels like a ‘safe enough’ relationship, which is pretty huge for a complex trauma survivor.

Yesterday, I noted my counsellor talking about giving myself the grace to not be perfect. So, I asked for clarification on this. She confirmed I do set high standards for myself – which I think is good. I see clearly the harm caused by people who seem to think it’s okay to set low standards for their behaviours. But, I need to mindful of not expecting so much of myself, that it is harmful.

She also confirmed I am ‘mostly’ caring for myself – which indicates to me that she feels I have more work to do on this. And that’s okay, because I know I will be a work in progress all my life.

I am aware wisdom knows – we should always be learning and improving. And that mostly needs to be about ourselves. Transformation of self, is how we heal.

And she confirmed I am more aware of my boundaries, how I care for others, and that I give myself time to think and talk about issues, or something I am processing.

Something I have realised myself, is I am far less ‘anxiety/fear/shame’ based now. And that is proof of my healing. I am also not angry anymore. I did need to feel anger, as part of healing and grieving, but I don’t feel that anymore.

I also know I am at a place now, where other people’s issues, no longer affect me. I wish no-one any harm, but I also know – I do not have to tolerate anyone else’s issues. I don’t internalise other people’s issues. And that is huge for a complex trauma survivor.

I’m very aware of the growth and maturity that comes from being able to honestly self reflect and the capacity to choose to change.  

I’m also aware, I mostly just feel sadness about my trauma history and about those who caused it. I feel the sadness of how they chose such horrible for themselves, as well as for those they harmed. And I am not excusing anything they did. They are/were vile human beings, who are 100% responsible for their abusive actions and behaviours. But, I do see they chose a horrible life, with nothing good in it. When they could have chosen a better life. I just feel sad about that. And I’m okay with feeling sad, even if others will say that is in someway wrong. It’s not wrong. It’s just the place I am at, due to all the healing I have chosen to process. I am also aware not to think about this too much. I don’t need to dwell on this sadness, because that is unhealthy for me.

So, I will talk more about this, at my next therapy appointment. In particular how I can continue to have better self care.

I am committed 100% to healing, maturity and growth.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “Growth & Healing Continue ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. I am so very proud of you! Yay for growth! Keep up the hard, and very important processes in your healing! (Hugs and Love)

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