My mother died recently. She was a highly abusive, selfish woman who had dark needs to abuse her children, and wanting her children abused in the worst possible ways.
Even though I knew this would not happen……… there was a part of me, hoping deep down, she would try to do something before she died. I would have been so happy to receive anything – even just a card saying “I love you, I’m sorry”. But, no. That did not happen. So the abuse she subjected me to, she continued by refusing to deal with it. Which is more abuse.
I cried today, for the first time about my mothers death.
I think the overwhelming finality of her death, and that nothing can now happen to put right any of the past, is really painful. And I know it’s okay for me to feel these intense emotions.
It’s sad. My whole life, is sad. So many people who were so fucked up, they chose to use and abuse me. And not one of them ever had any genuine love or care for me.
46 years of abuse.
It’s a life no-one should ever have to endure.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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