Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Spiral Downwards ~ Lilly Hope Lucario




I’m not doing okay at the moment. A combination of things that matter greatly to me, that I don’t want to write about in detail. But, they are pretty devastating, and beyond my control to sort out.

I’m aware my mothers death is also causing me issues. I’ve dreamt about her several times lately and I think that’s affecting me more than I want to admit.

It’s interesting that so many severe child abuse survivors truly understand what a heinous childhood does to a person, and then how it feels when the abusive parent dies.

The people in my life, have no idea how that feels and they don’t understand, nor do they really care to try. I’m supposed to just get over it. Hey, it’s been a month…. I should be over already…

I didn’t take my children to school today. First time ever, I have not got up and taken them to school. My older son walked, he’s 15 and it’s okay he can do that. But, my younger son I have really let down.  And I know people will say I’m ill and it’s okay, it’s just one day. But, it’s the significance of this failure as a mother, when I have never failed before, that fills me with shame.

It’s a pretty dark, lonely time right now.

It’s all spiralling down and I can’t stop it.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “The Spiral Downwards ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. Please don’t abuse yourself with Shame!!!

    What you’re doing and feeling are perfectly normal under these circumstances.

    You’re doing a great job dealing with many extremely complex and painful situations.

    Just Breathe
    Self Compassion
    Self Care

    Your Readers care about you very much and believe in you!!!!

  2. Sending you love, empathy and healing energies. Don’t be hard on yourself; parents are allowed to be ill and it’s good that our children understand that and learn to develop empathy and compassion as well as, the ability to take responsibility for themselves now and again. I never forget a friend welling into tears when he heard that parents were losing their children because of bi-polar – he said that though his Mum suffered at times, she was a wonderful, lovely Mum who did her best when she was well and that without her, he would not be the person he is today (an absolutely LOVELY husband & Dad). You have helped so many people and sometimes, the helpers need help too, xxx

  3. I don’t think it’s the end of the world if he misses one day of school, as long as it’s not happening alot. Try to have self compassion. My kids miss the odd day of school, when everything goes pear shaped. Yes at times I bet myself up about it, but I try to be kind to myself. Tomorrows always a new day. I think it’s quite understandable that things are difficult atm. Things will improve. I know it maybe hard to belive when ur struggling, but I know when I’m having a hard time, eventually things improve.

  4. Believe me I understand. Some days it is so hard to get up. But up we must be for our kids or they could end up with mental health issues. Do listen to healing music, Kelly Howell’s is good. Tom Kenyon too