Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Continuum – The Way Survivors Think About Abusers ~ Lilly Hope Lucario




It’s interesting to me – to see the survivors on either end of the continuum – as to their thinking about abusers.

On one end, are the survivors who think that being ‘so’ compassionate about abusers, making excuses for them, minimizing their heinous nature, invalidating the harm they intentionally cause…..

And then on the other end…. are the survivors who are full of anger (sometimes suppressed but still evident), rage, they hate abusers with such fury they want them to be suffering back, they want them to burn in hell and fantasise about retribution and God throwing them into hell, or their karma coming back in another life and making them suffer terribly.

Both of these, are ways people cope.

Both of these are places I truly hope people do not stay in, because they are not good places to be, all your life.

And the people at these ends of the continuum do not give healthy advice to others.

Me, I’m in the middle.

I don’t make excuses for abusers. I don’t delude myself that I am ‘compassionate to abusers’ – simply because I can’t handle the truth. I deal with the truth. And then to protect their unhealthy thinking, they demand others see it their way too. And sometimes, they have a sense of superiority over others, who they deem not to be as ‘compassionate’ as they delude themselves into believing about themselves.

I don’t have in me, to hate people into suffering back. I don’t want anyone to suffer. Be in prison to stop someone re-offending, exposing sociopaths for the heinous predators they are to protect people – is wisdom, but in my case, not from a place of revenge, or hate. And it makes me sad to think some survivors will be in this place of anger and hurt, all their lives.

I’m okay with where I am at.

It isn’t a place of hate or anger, but it isn’t a place of co-dependency, enabling or misplaced (self serving) ‘compassion’.

It’s a place of rational, non emotionally based thinking.

And I often clearly see where survivors are at, on this continuum and whether they have a lot more processing and truth to confront.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “The Continuum – The Way Survivors Think About Abusers ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. And then there is the topic of forgiveness – which I will never do to either the predator who sexually abused me nor my narcissistic mother who made my life hell. I do not hate these people, but they do not deserve to be forgiven and it wouldn’t make me feel better. Great post.

    • I am very opposed to anyone demanding an abuser ‘should’ be forgiven.
      Even if they ask to be forgiven, that does not mean the survivor has to.
      I advocate strongly against shaming people about forgiveness.
      We’ve already suffered enough, we do not need to be shamed about forgiveness, on top of it all.
      Much love, Lilly ❤