Now I don’t have to care if I say the ‘wrong thing’ in counselling, I am free to call the abuse what it was – evil.
And the abuser – evil.
And a narcissist. Or sociopath. Or psychopath. Or paedophile. Or sex offender. Or whatever else I want to call them.
There is a greater level of freedom, when you don’t feel like you have to please your counsellor, who always minimized and invalidated everything I endured. And always made me feel like a bad person, for talking about abusers in a ‘bad’ way.
Now I can say anything I want and not risk the patronising tone, the invalidating attitudes, the loaded silences, the obvious displeasure – when I didn’t say what was expected.
I’ve endured major anxiety for 5 years, about supposedly calling them the ‘wrong thing’ – because to her ‘that’ was the priority. Not the decades of abuse. To her the terrible thing, was me labelling them wrongly.So, no more ongoing anxiety at having to meet yet another persons self serving needs, that are not in my interests or about my wellbeing.
Not wanting anyone hurt back, or revenge, or retribution, or karma, or hell, or any ill on abusers………. was never enough for my ex counsellor.
But, I know that was always enough.
And what I called my abusers, was never meant to be in question.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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