Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I can now call my abusers anything I want.



Now I don’t have to care if I say the ‘wrong thing’ in counselling, I am free to call the abuse what it was – evil.

And the abuser – evil.

And a narcissist. Or sociopath. Or psychopath. Or paedophile. Or sex offender. Or whatever else I want to call them.

There is a greater level of freedom, when you don’t feel like you have to please your counsellor, who always minimized and invalidated everything I endured.  And always made me feel like a bad person, for talking about abusers in a ‘bad’ way.

Now I can say anything I want and not risk the patronising tone, the invalidating attitudes, the loaded silences, the obvious displeasure – when I didn’t say what was expected.

I’ve endured major anxiety for 5 years, about supposedly calling them the ‘wrong thing’ – because to her ‘that’ was the priority. Not the decades of abuse. To her the terrible thing, was me labelling them wrongly.So, no more ongoing anxiety at having to meet yet another persons self serving needs, that are not in my interests or about my wellbeing.

Not wanting anyone hurt back, or revenge, or retribution, or karma, or hell, or any ill on abusers………. was never enough for my ex counsellor.

But, I know that was always enough.

And what I called my abusers, was never meant to be in question.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I can now call my abusers anything I want.

  1. Others perpetuate abuse by defending and minimizing the abuse by regulating how we describe our abuse and our abusers.

  2. Oh Sweetheart, I am so sorry about the terrible abuse you have had to endure and then be re-abused by that vile, horrible counsellor. What a bitch! I too have had that same abuse by counsellors. It still aches to this day. When we are silenced by these people and told not to talk about people in such a “bad way” they are just completely dismissing our abuse and siding with our abusers.

  3. My heart hurts for you… My mother did the same thing to me.. tried to give me to the first step father/ friend/ relative that would use for sex. I was left alone by someone I didn’t know begging to go to my Grandmother’s house but was told NO! I was 5 years old. She and I took a taxi to a strangers house. As she discussed “watching me” I cried not wanting to be left. She promised to return the next day but of course never did. I remember a teenage son that was all over me. I remember nothing after that but music that he played on his radio. Over and over I was left to be abused. Then, as an adult having 2 daughters my heart broke for the love I have for them yet I received none from her. I even went to get help as an adult 3 different times.. all 3 jerks came onto me. One was a Licensed Counselor my Pastor recommended .. he is now in Prison. Next, I went to a new Pastor at our church but he kept wanting me to repeat the abuse in detail until I finally understood what he was doing. The third was a Psychologist at an Army post as we lived in CA when all 3 of these people were to help me .. He opened his office door and locked it. It was so sick to life through a life of abuse to only turn around and be re abused seeking help. I do not trust now.