Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My Song Of Grief & Loss, For My Mother Figure ~ Lilly Hope Lucario




I’ve realised, it’s hurts more to grieve my mother figure, than my mother.

Because, I always knew my mother didn’t care about me, whereas, I believed my mother figure did.

This used to be my song, for the woman I thought of as the only mother figure I ever had. I used to imagine her hugging me. It was such a source of comfort. Now that’s gone.



Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “My Song Of Grief & Loss, For My Mother Figure ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. I understand your grief, and how it differs. I lost a woman that I considered to be my 2nd mother several years ago, just weeks after seeing her for the first time in years. Honestly she treated me more as a family member than my own family did, and I still maintain some contact with her children, who were my friends as well as siblings in my heart. My own mother is still alive but I realized several years ago that I probably wouldn’t grieve her death much as we have no emotional connection, even though I tried my hardest to create one with her. I believe we will always grieve the hardest for the ones that showed us true acceptance and unconditional love, and we will grieve for the connections that we should have had but were denied by the people that were supposed to love us unconditionally but didn’t. Your blog has been a source of comfort since discovering it recently, this year has truly opened my eyes to the reality of the situation I once called family and the reasons behind my chronic lack of self esteem and emotional and mental health issues that have plagued me my whole life. I am now actively working on my issues, cutting contact to bare minimum and making sure my own children are protected from the traumas of my childhood because nobody deserves to be treated that way.

  2. If you *want* to look at it this way–her hugging you *now* is just as real as you imagined it in the past. You can still have that daydream.
    Or: her genes live on in you–it is a very real form of immortality, or as close as we can get to it. When you are taking care of yourself, it is also the "good" part of her taking care of you. It's tricky to look at it this way because when we are angry at our parental abusers, we risk hating ourselves for being part them. But through you they have the chance of being good people, and of treating you well.