Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

“You are an amazing, advanced soul who writes with beauty, honesty and plain truth”

5 Comments

I just wanted to let you know that you are an amazing, advanced soul who writes with beauty, honesty and plain truth. 

Your words are echoed around the universe and stand with you to support the removal of the evils of abuse from our lives and from that of out future generations xxx

Sending unconditional love from my heart to yours, blessings to you and your family x
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This is feedback I received today.
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I am not a perfect person. I occasionally do wrong and I always apologise and have remorse. I’m open about this.
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I see my capacity to be honest about myself, as well as describe the journey of complex trauma, my insight into abusive people etc…… is why so many gravitate to my work.
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I do see I am insightful, wise about some things, compassionate, truthful and yet not perfect too.
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I allow people to acknowledge their healing struggles, their pain, and not have to be seen as a ‘healing success story’. Because I see the shame and pressure that brings.
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I talk about being suicidal, wanting to give up, feeling fragile…… and how it’s okay to feel safe to say this.
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I am so not perfect.
woman-looking-away
I am not the ‘recovery success story’ some want to see – to be paraded up on the ‘warrior survivor pedestal’.
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I’m real. I struggle. I mess up. I feel hurt, I panic. I cry. I respond in ways I truly wish I didn’t at times. And I always want to be improving.
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I’m also strong, empathic, compassionate, able to have integrity to truth and courageous enough to be vulnerable.

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I’ve healed a lot, I’ve learned a lot…….. but I am very much still in this journey.

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I have the honesty and insight to know that.

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~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on ““You are an amazing, advanced soul who writes with beauty, honesty and plain truth”

  1. I like that you are real, honest, and unpretentious.

    • You are welcome. It is simply the truth.
      I also want to tell you, in the interest of honesty, that it scares me when you or any other blogger posts about feeling suicidal. Feeling suicidal is a normal part of PTSD, especially complex, or developmental PTSD, which is the type that I have been diagnosed with. I totally get it. Feeling suicidal from time to time is as normal for us, as bleeding from an open wound is normal for a stabbing victim.
      However, it scares me to read posts about suicidal thoughts, because one of my blogger friends, the very first person to follow my blog, actually did it. She wrote several times about feeling suicidal on her blog. I, along with several other bloggers, tried very hard to reach out and help her. We seemed to be making progress with her. Her posts seemed like she was doing better. And then she did it. She wrote a very brief post saying that she was done, she wasn’t worth saving. And then she killed herself.
      That happened in December 2014. A couple of her Facebook friends posted on her blog, in the comment section, that she was dead. It was absolutely heartbreaking. She was a beautiful soul, a brilliant writer, a deeply caring person, and only in her mid twenties.
      So now, whenever I see suicidal posts, I feel very scared. I had tried so hard to help Sarah, and I thought she was doing better, when suddenly she was gone.
      Another blogger that I had gotten close enough to, to exchange email addresses with, probably committed suicide. She suddenly stopped posting and stopped emailing. That was years ago.
      I have also known several people in real life who committed suicide. So…. when you or anyone posts about having suicidal thoughts, if you don’t get a response from some of us, or if you get a response that you find less than accepting and empathetic — it may be because some of us have been too close to suicide in the past, to be able to respond the way you might like.
      I am 64. When I was 15, I hung myself, because my life was completely unbearable at the time. Today, I am so thankful that my suicide attempts did not work. But I have been seriously suicidal at other times, too, the most recent a little over 6 years ago, when my cousin drowned the day after our last hour-long phone conversation. She had told me 4 days before she died, that if she had the strength, she would kill herself. Yet she also assured me that she wasn’t really going to do it. And then, 4 days later, she was dead. She was my baby cousin, an RN, only 38 years old, and my only blood relative living here in New Mexico. She drowned, just a couple of days after telling me that it “would explain everything” if my mother, her aunt, has narcissistic personality disorder.
      My RN cousin with a BA in psychology, who had known my mother all of her life, told me this, affirming me like no other person from my family of origin had ever affirmed me… and then, a couple of days later, she goes to Montezuma hot spring with her boyfriend, she drinks herself into oblivion there, and she drowns. In water that did not come up above her shoulder in the very deepest part.
      Was it suicide? All I know is that my most precious cousin is gone. All I know is that I did not save her.
      So yes, I totally get it. I have been that suicidal, I really do get it. But I am sold out 100% to Christ, now. I am determined to keep hanging on to this life He gave me, come what may, until the Lord calls me home.
      Suicide, like murder, really isn’t necessary, you see. We are all going to stop breathing one day, sooner or later. Guaranteed!
      I hope that nothing I said here, hurts you or anyone else, in any way. That is not at all my intention. ❤

      • Thank you for explaining why this affects of these losses in your life and the triggers as a result.
        Please know when I blog about being suicidal, I am not going it expecting anyone online to help me. I blog everything in my journey so it is real and others know someone understands.
        I would never expect anyone online to feel obligated to respond.
        I am responsible for managing my suicidal issues, I know where to seek help and I do that when necessary.
        Part of self care is avoiding triggers, so please know it 100% okay for you to avoid my posts about feeling suicidal.
        I want you to avoid them, because I don’t want my blogs to cause you any distress, triggers, flashbacks etc.
        Your wellbeing matters and it matters to me.
        Lilly 💛💜💙💚

      • Thank you for understanding. You are awesome. ❤ ❤

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