I am not someone who enjoys feeling anger. I’ve avoided it most of my life. I’m a freeze/fawn traumatology type, not fight. But, over the last few years I’ve had to process needed anger.
At the moment I am processing more intense emotions about ongoing abuse I have endured at the hands of someone with the dark triad traits of psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellian traits. This person is a heinous human being.
And I have felt intense anger at the abuse I have endured. I have felt hatred, anger, disgust. Rightly so.
But, I refuse to feel anger any longer. Because that hurts me.
Instead, I will feel pity. Pity for an empty human being, devoid of any good character traits…… who despite being so pathologically selfish, has fucked his own life up, never had good relationships, never felt love, abandoned his child and is a miserable, resentful man.
I’m not going to feel sorry for him.
I’m not going to make excuses for him.
I’m not going to enable, ignore, justify his chosen actions.
He is 100% responsible for everything he has done.
So, I will pity him.
He is so absorbed in believing what he did was what he needed and wanted, he didn’t have anything good.
There will be some who disagree and say I’m not ‘compassionate enough’, or ‘pity is not nice’…….. and I don’t care.
It is ‘good enough’.
Heinous human beings are not my responsibility to feel sorry for, fix or help.
I am only focussing on myself and my children’s needs now.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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