Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Pity, Not Anger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


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I am not someone who enjoys feeling anger. I’ve avoided it most of my life. I’m a freeze/fawn traumatology type, not fight. But, over the last few years I’ve had to process needed anger.

At the moment I am processing more intense emotions about ongoing abuse I have endured at the hands of someone with the dark triad traits of psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellian traits. This person is a heinous human being.

And I have felt intense anger at the abuse I have endured. I have felt hatred, anger, disgust. Rightly so.

But, I refuse to feel anger any longer. Because that hurts me.




Instead, I will feel pity. Pity for an empty human being, devoid of any good character traits…… who despite being so pathologically selfish, has fucked his own life up, never had good relationships, never felt love, abandoned his child and is a miserable, resentful man.

I’m not going to feel sorry for him.

I’m not going to make excuses for him.

I’m not going to enable, ignore, justify his chosen actions.

He is 100% responsible for everything he has done.

So, I will pity him.

He is so absorbed in believing what he did was what he needed and wanted, he didn’t have anything good.

That’s pitiful.

There will be some who disagree and say I’m not ‘compassionate enough’, or ‘pity is not nice’…….. and I don’t care.

It is ‘good enough’.

Heinous human beings are not my responsibility to feel sorry for, fix or help.

I am only focussing on myself and my children’s needs now.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Pity, Not Anger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. I so agree with this. I have spent years feeling anger toward the abusers, and rightly so. Now, I pity them and let them go.

  2. Thank you for sharing you are not Alone!
    This realization is so hard to comprehend and Anger engulfs me as I am getting a clearer view of what and who I am dealing with
    I will try to pity.. since she has no concern, doe not receive love or has any love to offer, ,no moral compass for her own children… may God protect and have mercy on you and your children

  3. I am all about reading quotes. The other day I found one that expressed exactly how I have been feeling for a long time. It said “I’m starving for connection, not attention” I would change that quote to fit how I am really feeling. ” I’m dying not starving”

    Today I was sent a Tweet from your website.
    How I got it, I have no idea.

    I know this…..I found a connection. I started to read and I started to cry.

    The Universe, God, The holy spirit, works in mysterious ways.

    I am so grateful for this blog.

    I want to add “Lilly Hope, I am so sorry to hear what you have lived” because I cannot stand when people choose to ignore or not acknowledge the horror of which one has lived.

    You are providing an anchor of understanding and empathy to your readers that no one can relate to unless they have lived through similar HELL.

    Thank you for piercing my heart today with your light.