Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I need to emotionally shut down, and no longer be dependent on my therapist.


A lot of stuff happened recently, which led me to feeling abandoned, uncared for and terribly hurt. And she has her reasons and that has to be okay.

But, I’ve come to realise I need to emotionally shut down, and no longer be dependent on my therapist.

I don’t want to care about her anymore. I don’t want to care whether she cares about me. I don’t want to care what she thinks of me. I don’t want to think about her all the time. I don’t want to feel hurt anymore. I don’t want to struggle, not react okay to things and then feel shame.

I don’t want to struggle in this non real relationship anymore.

I need to find other people who will care about me in a normal, genuine way. And I deserve that.

I am grieving and I know that.


I’m good at shutting down emotionally when needed.

I’ve had a lot of practise in my life at this.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I need to emotionally shut down, and no longer be dependent on my therapist.

  1. Hope you find healing from your loving relationship with your kids. For me healing has come from loving and being loved by my son. Being a loving mother is a sure shot way to have loving human beings in our lives. And believe me the small acts of caring is what heals the pain of abuse. Honestly, I really don’t think a paid relationship can bring healing. Love and hugs.

    • My children are a part of my healing, but I also want relationships with adults who offer me the same love and care I give to people. I want friends who care, a romantic relationship with someone kind, caring, gentle, loving and cares about me and my wellbeing. Which I have never had. I do have hope to find this and that will be an addition to my loving relationship with my children. I actually know I do deserve it all.
      But I also know it will take time.
      Lilly 💜💙

  2. I understand how you feel. It’s a shame you can’t trust your therapist. I’ve been through a lot of therapists and I can only say I trusted 2 therapists my current one and one I had nine years ago when I was in grad school for Acting