A lot of stuff happened recently, which led me to feeling abandoned, uncared for and terribly hurt. And she has her reasons and that has to be okay.
But, I’ve come to realise I need to emotionally shut down, and no longer be dependent on my therapist.
I don’t want to care about her anymore. I don’t want to care whether she cares about me. I don’t want to care what she thinks of me. I don’t want to think about her all the time. I don’t want to feel hurt anymore. I don’t want to struggle, not react okay to things and then feel shame.
I don’t want to struggle in this non real relationship anymore.
I need to find other people who will care about me in a normal, genuine way. And I deserve that.
I am grieving and I know that.
I’m good at shutting down emotionally when needed.
I’ve had a lot of practise in my life at this.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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