I normally think a lot about my therapist. Our conversations repeat in my head throughout each week. I have always had her in my mind whenever I’m thinking about my trauma related stuff. I think about her a lot. Too much.
But, I realised a few weeks ago – this is not healthy. It’s not helping me.
Now, I am having new conversations in my head. If she comes into my mind, I have these new thoughts…
- I don’t need to think about her
- What she thinks does not matter
- I survived decades of hell without her, I will survive anything else without her
- My experiences, suffering, thoughts, feelings and insight matter and she does not get to invalidate, minimize or trivialise that anymore
- I don’t need to defend the way I think about abusers anymore, how I think ‘is’ good enough, ‘is’ rational, ‘is’ appropriate
- Whatever she thinks of me, is ‘her’ issue…. not mine
- She doesn’t care about me – she is a paid therapist, doing her job, earning a living
- I’m not a bad person, no matter what she – or anyone – thinks
I’m creating those new thought patterns in my mind, and they will grow stronger the more I practise.
I also distract my mind to something else, after stating these new thoughts.
It’s working pretty well.
I’m breaking the chains.
And I know I will avoid speaking about most things now. I will probably just go along with whatever she wants to hear. It’s easier that way.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.
All rights reserved.
No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.
This includes adaptations in all forms of media.