Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I Just Need Empathy At Times When I’m Really Low ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I went to counselling yesterday. I nearly didn’t go.

One thing I realised – that even when I’m at my worst – I can now fight for what I need – empathy.

It was a difficult session. I cried a lot. I tried my best to explain how painful it all feels. I explained to my counsellor I just needed empathy. Not her telling me what I should be doing, or pushing me to be stronger than I am capable of being.

I even told her of a quote I read…

“Empathy is not always insisting everything will be okay.

Sometimes it’s acknowledging that it’s not”

~ unknown

Another thing I noticed, is that even though I was very emotional…. I did manage to remain calm, not get to the point where I needed to just leave.

I’ve realised my counsellor is a ‘fixer’. She wants so much for people to be doing better and getting to a better place, she pushes me too hard sometimes. She doesn’t realise I truly am doing everything I can already. And I know this does not come from a bad place. She is showing compassion and doing what she thinks she needs to do – as a therapist.

But, sometimes I just need to cry, grieve, be heard and her to just acknowledge that. And know that when I am ready – I will do better. As I always do.

I stood up for my needs and she got there. She realised what I was asking for. She even acknowledged that she may push me too hard and I can say when she is doing this.

So, I am chalking this up to progress – for her and for me. Continue reading


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Self Harm & Daydreaming About Death – Are How I Now Cope To Barely Stay Alive

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I now daydream about death. Every day. Dying of a heart attack. Or taking pills and never waking up. About the peace it will bring me. How it will get me out of a situation I cannot escape. How the pain will end.

I’m aware this would be considered a ‘maladaptive’ coping strategy and an unhealthy one. And I agree.

But, it’s all that’s keeping me alive. That and guilt about my children. I’m supposed to be strong enough for them. Yet, I don’t think I can be anymore.

I’m living a life I hate and don’t want to be in.

I’ve suffered too much and I need it over.

I just want peace.

I just want this hell to end.

I’m also physically self harming. Something I haven’t done since being an adolescent. It was how I coped then Continue reading


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I Am So Thankful The Mighty Shared My Article On Their Main Page ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am so thankful to The Mighty staff, for considering my article for their main page.
I am thankful more awareness is being raised.

The feedback on their page was all really good, with people saying they relate to these issues highlighted in the article.

It’s my passion to raise understanding, awareness, education and compassion for complex trauma survivors.

So thankful for this opportunity given by The Mighty.

Continue reading


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Email From Another The Mighty Contributor – Saying They Broke Down In Tears After Reading My Article ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My first article published this week on ‘The Mighty’ has been well received – with people confirming they relate to the points I highlighted about symptoms Complex PTSD sufferers endure.

Today, I received an email from another contributor – who stated they broke down after reading my article – as they checked 11/12 of the issues. And now they realise they need to get specific help for these symptoms.

I am SO thankful to be able to help people – to truly understand themselves better.

Article @  https://themighty.com/2017/08/life-impacting-symptoms-of-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/ Continue reading


Calvinist Leader Dr.Iain Campbell Dies by Suicide Amidst Allegations of Affairs and an Out of Wedlock Child -The Wartburg Watch blog

Thankful to see my blogs added to this – about the trauma of being groomed by abusive pastors and church ministers.
It is heinous abuse to endure and the victims need much support.
Not the minimizing, excusing, invalidating and further spiritual abuse they often endure from church people.
Lilly ❤

GBFSV SPIRITUAL ABUSE VICTIMS' RECOVERY

If a great theologian and pastor allegedly abuses the women in his congregation for decades, then what is wrong with his theology of obedience?

via Calvinist Leader Dr Iain Campbell Commits Suicide Amidst Allegations of Affairs and an Out of Wedlock Child. His Wife Gets Blamed! —

*Note:  While this is an important story that The Wartburg Watch covered, I disagree with their calling (late) Pastor Iain Cambell’s having sex with at least seven women church members “affairs”. (There may be more women besides these seven.) These women have not been able to tell their side of the story. This pastor may have exerted undue influence over these women such as in counseling meetings and may have used other coercive tactics.  We just don’t know the details. To tarnish these womens’ reputations when they may have been victimized is wrong. I decline to judge these Scottish women on so little information…

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Talking About The Heinous Abuse Caused By People With Personality Disorders – Is Not Increasing Mental Illness Stigma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Talking about the abuse, suffering and harm caused by people with personality disorders – is NOT increasing ‘mental illness stigma’.

Do not dare to try to silence abuse survivors as this is more abuse.

Personality disorders are not an excuse to abuse people.

I do not promote hate, revenge or retaliation – but I do promote the truth about how heinous their abuse is to endure.

Many victims kill themselves due to their heinous abuse. And some victims are killed by these personality disordered people.

The abuse must be discussed.

And info about these people so victims won’t be targeted again. Continue reading


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Celebrated My ‘Mighty Article’ Being Published With My Children ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I celebrated my article being published by The Mighty – with the only two people in this world who love me – my children.

Article @ https://themighty.com/2017/08/life-impacting-symptoms-of-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

I wish it could have been with family and a partner who loves me, but that is not my life.

It’s another moment of realisation of all I don’t have in my life, that I dearly wish I did have. I realise the grieving continues.

But, at least I have my children and lots of people on social media were very kind and supportive – and I am so thankful for them all. Continue reading


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Now An ‘Official The Mighty Contributor’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My article was accepted, published and I was asked to be an ‘Official The Mighty Contributor”.

Which is great and I am so thankful for – as this raises more awareness about Complex Trauma, Complex PTSD, PTSD, abuse and child abuse.

https://themighty.com/2017/08/life-impacting-symptoms-of-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

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