I’ve always dealt with everything terrible in my life, completely alone. But most of that, was just about taking care of me.
Now, I have two boys I have to care for. Which is very different. And I desperately wish I had a mother, father, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin…. anyone…. to care about me and my boys. To love us.
That deep searing ache in my soul, is so painful I cannot even express it fully.
I feel so terribly sad that my boys don’t have family either. They only have me. And their father. They deserve better than that. More than that. Much more.
I’ve always known how much I miss having family.
But, this is a time in my life, when I feel that terribly desperate grieving.
And I know this grieving is not helped by the grieving of my mothers death a few months ago, and the death of the motherly role I had placed on my counsellor.
I feel more alone now……. than ever in my life. Continue reading