I’ve never had one healthy relationship with adults. My relationships from childhood onwards – have all been with unhealthy, toxic, selfish people who do not love me.
I am that classic textbook case of being a severe childhood abuse survivor – particularly being a childhood sexual abuse survivor – that goes on to have relationships with abusive, toxic people in adulthood.
Both of my marriages were with unhealthy people – both abusive, both selfish to the core. And I was so messed up by my terribly abusive childhood – I assumed they were healthy and I wrongly assumed they loved me. When both of these men only loved themselves. Narcissistic to the core.
I was given crumbs of what seemed like caring behaviours, and I assumed that was love. It was all fake, all lies, but I was so needy for kindness – I took it.
I knew nothing better.
Because I had never been shown love.
This has been in every type of relationship throughout my adult life.
I have a pattern – of accepting crumbs and thinking that’s all I deserved.