I’ve never had one healthy relationship with adults. My relationships from childhood onwards – have all been with unhealthy, toxic, selfish people who do not love me.
I am that classic textbook case of being a severe childhood abuse survivor – particularly being a childhood sexual abuse survivor – that goes on to have relationships with abusive, toxic people in adulthood.
Both of my marriages were with unhealthy people – both abusive, both selfish to the core. And I was so messed up by my terribly abusive childhood – I assumed they were healthy and I wrongly assumed they loved me. When both of these men only loved themselves. Narcissistic to the core.
I was given crumbs of what seemed like caring behaviours, and I assumed that was love. It was all fake, all lies, but I was so needy for kindness – I took it.
I knew nothing better.
Because I had never been shown love.
This has been in every type of relationship throughout my adult life.
I have a pattern – of accepting crumbs and thinking that’s all I deserved.
And now, at the age of 46, I finally know what I do deserve.
I don’t deserve fakeness, lies, manipulation, being used, being abused.
I do deserve love. Real genuine love.
And I will find it one day.
It’s not too late.
(This article in no way states that is was okay for people to be abusive to me. My vulnerability and lack of understanding what was love – in no way gave them the right to abuse me).
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.
All rights reserved.
No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.
This includes adaptations in all forms of media.