Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I Am The Text Book Case Of A Childhood Complex Trauma Survivor – Who’s Adult Relationships Were With Toxic People ~ Lilly Hope Lucario




I’ve never had one healthy relationship with adults. My relationships from childhood onwards – have all been with unhealthy, toxic, selfish people who do not love me.

I am that classic textbook case of being a severe childhood abuse survivor – particularly being a childhood sexual abuse survivor – that goes on to have relationships with abusive, toxic people in adulthood.

Both of my marriages were with unhealthy people – both abusive, both selfish to the core. And I was so messed up by my terribly abusive childhood – I assumed they were healthy and I wrongly assumed they loved me. When both of these men only loved themselves. Narcissistic to the core.

I was given crumbs of what seemed like caring behaviours, and I assumed that was love. It was all fake, all lies, but I was so needy for kindness – I took it.

I knew nothing better.

Because I had never been shown love.

This has been in every type of relationship throughout my adult life.

I have a pattern – of accepting crumbs and thinking that’s all I deserved.

And now, at the age of 46, I finally know what I do deserve.

I don’t deserve fakeness, lies, manipulation, being used, being abused.

I do deserve love. Real genuine love.

And I will find it one day.

It’s not too late.

(This article in no way states that is was okay for people to be abusive to me. My vulnerability and lack of understanding what was love – in no way gave them the right to abuse me).

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “I Am The Text Book Case Of A Childhood Complex Trauma Survivor – Who’s Adult Relationships Were With Toxic People ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. My first (and still ongoing) healthy relationship did not begin until I was 50 years old. We have been together now for almost 14 years, and we are still going strong.

    You are right, it is not too late for you to find love, even after a string of unhealthy relationships. I went through 4 abusive, narcissistic, cheating, lying, unloving marriages. I was emotionally destroyed, by the time I left my last loveless marriage at the age of 47. Like you, I was continuing the sick, subservient relationship pattern that I had learned in my extremely traumatic childhood.

    One thing that really helped me to finally understand and break my unhealthy relationship pattern was the book Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood. Although it could just as truthfully have been titled Men Who Don’t Love Enough, lol.