Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Narcissists, Psychopaths etc – Love To Shit All Over Anything Good For Their Victims

5 Comments

I had something really exciting happen today. A photographer I love has given me the opportunity to watch her work and process sales, all through all her Christmas sessions. The amount I will learn from this is considerable. It is such an amazing opportunity for me, and one good thing happening in my life right now.

When I told my husband, his immediate reaction and look on his face was absolutely resentment. Then he made it ‘all about him’ and negative, by nastily saying, that ‘he’ might not be able to get all ‘his’ shifts sorted around ‘all these dates’. Like I was doing something wrong to ‘him’. Because in his putrid mind – it’s always ‘all about him’. And it’s complete BS, because these dates are enough in advance of the shifts being worked out. He has stated many times his shifts can be worked around any dates that family members need for work or other appointments Plus, he has stacks of annual leave he has to take.

He wanted to make this an immediate negative and make me feel badly about wanting to do this. He wanted me to feel badly about something good for me.

Interestingly, when I told him I don’t care what he needs to do – I’m doing the photography thing and he better get it sorted so he can take care of our young son, he got the time off agreed immediately, with no issues to him at all.

It  was such a clear example of what his heart and soul are truly all about. You scratch the surface and there is nothing but blackness.

He abused me for 17 years – emotionally, psychologically and sexually (all confirmed in counselling as such) – which absolutely led to my breakdown 5 years ago and now my deteriorating physical health, and yet he still resents anything good for me. And clearly has zero remorse or shame for what he has done.

Just an ongoing need to make my life worse. As he has done for 17 years.

And just to kick me more – when he’s already kicked me down – he chose to make a joke this afternoon about all the abuse he’s subjected to. He thinks abuse is funny. He wanted me to know that he thinks all the abuse he subjected me too – is funny to him.

He totally shat all over my only light in this shit life, home and environment I am forced to have to live in, because I am too ill to leave.

I’m going into hospital on Thursday – due to serious life threatening health issues – he is largely the cause of………. and he can’t be happy or even okay – for the one good thing happening in my life right now.

He’s a disgusting, vile piece of shit, and I am totally done ever trying to be nice to him, or treat him like a normal human being. Because he isn’t.

It is 100% true you should never expect any change, or remorse, or anything good from a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. They are completely unwilling to be good people. They will hurt people relentlessly and then hurt you some more.

His true self was very evident today and I will no longer expect anything else from him.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “Narcissists, Psychopaths etc – Love To Shit All Over Anything Good For Their Victims

  1. It’s so sad to say, as u have done, that after so many years in relationship with someone that u know now not to expect anything else, but shit treatment from them…
    That is such an acceptance, I believe, that is an essential part of our healing journeys. Such an awful ‘battle’ of mind, body & soul to reach it tho…
    I feel for u Lily. For u & your child.
    Sending u hugs & especially for your hospital stay. Praying all will b well for u X

  2. Dearest Lilly, I am sitting with you. This you have described here… I remember this. I remember it well. Please be kind to you during this time know… you will rise. Like the phoenix, you will rise from the ashes of this mess (shit) he is manufacturing. You will rise. And you will be stronger than you are now since you are going to receive proper care in hospital. I am sitting with you, if it is alright. I will be sitting here cheering you on!

  3. Lilly, how wonderful that you have this connection with a person who will give you this valuable opportunity to learn how to make a living , doing what you love to do and are talented at, something which makes others happy, to have wonderful memories in photos. That’s an amazing opportunity! When do you start working with her? I know you have the medical thing coming right up, so soon, you will have that part taken care of and will use what you learn from it to continue your healing. This opportunity you have to learn making a living at photography is really amazing. Always good to find that there is more to life than just hell.

    You went through the disappointing unsupportive acting out of your kids dad being who he is. it sounds like you forgot to hold your nose when you let him know what you will be needing him to make arrangements for. i mean, it sounds like you’re in the process of figuring out how to hold your nose when you have interactions with him about your kids. It sounds like he is a sick person who’s mind is programmed in ways that victimize him, his chance at a happy life, while hurting those around him as well. Sad.

    on the positive side, it sounds like he is able to take some responsibility for his child so you can do what will benefit you and your kids. He just doesn’t want to be happy for you, he wants to feel screwed by your happiness. The sick part is his knee jerk need see himself as a victim of you and to exact a price from you for asking him to do his part as a father, so that you end up feeling punished manipulatively for something good happening to you. You’re groping to understand and accept the reality of him so that you will not expect empathic sharing of your feelings from a person who is damaged in his ability to support others without feeling that it’s costing him something—the thing that makes these things so challenging is the complexity of people, it’s not as if there’s nothing about him that would lead you to expect him to appreciate something good happening for you, he has natural impulses to love and care, but probably they were damaged, stunted and crippled long ago. Its hard to put all the parts of him together as who he is and who he isn’t, and realize that what you see is what you get, all of it, he is who he is.

    Maybe there is some way to hold your nose, so to speak, when you need to ask him to be a father and share the parenting with you as you have needs that will inevitably come up. Maybe you can compartmentalize. Ask him for what you need while not showing how happy (or sad, or whatever) you are about anything, keep that away from him, just business-like, “I have to do this training program for my career so i need you to plan to care for our child at those times while i will be in training.” Collect some people who you can share your happiness with who find it easy and natural be happy for you, even just one person is enough, and don’t put it out there with him, because of the risk that he will spit on it and trigger all the unhappy feelings that come with that. Because you deserve to be happy, every day. He has a problem with that. His life sux.

    • Judy, thank you for your thoughts on this. I discussed this situation, blog and your response. My counsellor said your response is very insightful of my situation. I now have to compartmentalize my interactions with him, try not to show emotions so he cannot use that to hurt me. From now on I will try to be very neutral and matter of fact about what is required from him. If he doesn’t see me excited about something – he can’t destroy it. My counsellor said I did nothing wrong but I need to protect myself from him by changing how I interact. And keep my excitement and wellbeing for those who can be trusted to interact appropriately.
      Thank you again.
      Lilly 💜💜

  4. Thank you everyone for your kind words, I truly appreciate it.
    Much love, Lilly
    💜💜💜

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