I’ve accepted my health is really poor and as a result I will probably never work.
I cannot leave my current situation, because if I did – myself and my children would end up living in a caravan park. I cannot afford to pay the mortgage. I have no ability to find rental accommodation without a job. I cannot take those options and do this to my children. They are better off if I stay living where I am. It’s certainly not ideal for my children – but better than the alternatives.
This means I personally – will never be okay.
I cannot get well, or stronger living where I am in a toxic environment with an abuser.
I’ve thought about every option and the consequences of every option. The one I am forced to continue with, is the only one I have without hurting my children or making their lives worse in any way.
People often say everyone ‘must’ leave and ‘must go no contact’. If I had the capacity to work – I would. But that is not my reality. This overgeneralised advice from others – who either don’t have children, or have a situation that is different to mine – is harmful and hurtful for some people. Their lack of capacity to see ‘one size fits all advice’ – is very lacking in insight, and lacking in empathy – will unlikely change – so I don’t even try to discuss this anymore. Fixed black and white views are cognitively distorted thinking and I have no energy to argue.
I have no hope for my situation to improve.
I know my health issues are not curable, and will continue to worsen.
I have no time anymore for those who suggest I am not ‘positive enough’ and believe my situation to be different to the reality. Shaming me in the process.
My reality is mine to deal with, and I don’t have to defend it or even explain it to anyone.
I know my reality is not the same for everyone and I do believe for many – their situation, life and health can improve and I am so very thankful for that. Because that is what I want for everyone.
As I have nothing hopeful to say anymore with regards to my own life and journey – I won’t be blogging anymore.
I am so thankful to everyone who has encouraged me and this blog. I appreciate everyone and I wish I did have a better ending to my story – that could be a more hopeful one for others.
~Lilly Hope Lucario