I haven’t been blogging – for several reasons. One being that I felt like I had nothing positive to say. But, now I have something positive to blog about!
I’ve spend the last 12 months learning a new photography profession, with the aim to set up my own part time business. This leading towards my financial independence again.
Today I had my first sale! After only one week of my business up and running!
I cried. Tears of shock, joy and no doubt other emotions. I didn’t expect people to like my work as much as they clearly do. I didn’t expect people to want to pay me.
I could into all the complex trauma reasons why I put myself down and still don’t expect good reactions from people in my life. There is still fear, shame, low self esteem, my normal being people treating me like I am worthless……… and more. But, I don’t want to write about all that. I know I have those issues still. I’m working on them and okay that it will be a long process, after 46 years of abuse. It’s okay that I haven’t ‘fixed’ all that yet.
So, instead – I will focus on my success. My talent. Others recognising that. Others treating me like I am a person of worth. People giving me amazing feedback about my work and their whole experience with me.
It’s a huge step in the direction of where my life needs to head.
I also recognise how much courage and strength it has taken for me to do this, considering how traumatic 2017 was, and how ill I am.
I’m going to be okay with being a success. With being a person other people do value.
It really, really matters.
I forced myself to do this. I made myself do it. I kept on, even when I wanted to give up.
I gave myself hope.
I am proud of me!
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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