Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Lawyers Don’t Always Have The Appropriate Understanding, When Dealing With Abusive Men ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Throughout the trauma of my marriage separation, seeking a domestic violence order, divorce etc, lawyers were involved.

Lawyers have their opinions, usually based on their own life experiences and their need to believe their clients and their desire to make a lot of money.

Like with many people, lawyers will want to believe that an abusive partner, will still somehow love their children and have a right to contact with their children.

Lawyers make money pushing this narrative and seem to care far more about that, than the rights of children to be free from abusive parents, or the children or abused partner’s emotional and psychological safety.

Even lawyers who claim to have empathy and an understanding of abuse, narcissism etc, will make wrong assumptions.

When I separated from my ex and successfully sought a domestic violence order, for over a year he made no effort to request seeing his children. All his lawyers focused on was trying to fight the domestic violence order through a range of legally abusive tactics. And a focus on trying to financially abuse me by hiding assets regarding the property settlement. No mention of seeing his children.

12 months later, at the mediation – the subject of the children became an issue, purely because the mediator assumed he wanted to see his children and ‘Children & Property’ are always dealt with together at mediation. It was clear he didn’t care about seeing them, because he did not ask at all prior to that to have contact with his children, even though he had a legal right to. But, he had to appear to be a ‘good guy’ and want to see his children, so very minimal contact was arranged. The lawyers/mediator fell for this. I didn’t.

A parenting agreement was signed, for 6 months, to be reviewed and further mediation occur, should either party request this. If that was not satisfactory, either party could pursue court proceedings.

That was 4 years ago, and despite my sons wanting to reduce contact and then cease contact (with very good reasons), his father has not requested mediation or court proceedings.

And now he’s attempting to financially abuse his son, via child support, because he doesn’t want to pay his minimum child support of 15% of his income.

My youngest son is now 14 and no-one can force him to see his father, and if his father attempted mediation, it would be so obvious it’s purely to reduce his child support entitlement and I don’t have to agree to anything in mediation. If court proceedings commenced, the case would drag on for 2 years and by then my son will be 16 and any attempts at forcing contact will be futile. But, I don’t need to be concerned about this, because he hasn’t bothered.

What this all shows, is he truly does not care about seeing his children.

If he did actually care, he would have sought further mediation. He would have sought court proceedings. He has sufficient income to do that.

The only effort he has made was to abuse me in the domestic violence order proceedings, abuse me in property settlement and abuse us financially. It’s all about himself and money. That has been his only goal. His only focus. His only priority.

So, to the lawyers, mediator etc that wrongly assumed he actually cared about his children, who stated I would have to co-parent with him, who stated he had emotional ties to his children, who assumed he would seek further mediation, they were wrong. 100% wrong.

I haven’t needed to co-parent and I’m an excellent mother, raising my children by myself and cherishing and loving my boys every day.

My boys are aware their father’s latest abuse, was just before Christmas, to try to hurt them financially via child support.

They know exactly who and what their father is and want nothing to do with him.

No-one knows an abuser better than their victims.

I always knew he didn’t love or care about his children and I have been proven correct.

Don’t ever assume lawyers fully understand and will make correct assumptions or give you appropriate advice. And bear in mind, everyone in the legal system makes money from pushing narratives, agendas and ways to further make money in legal disputes.

Family court and domestic violence have become money making industries, where what is ethically needed and protecting victims, is not the priority.

Protect your children as best you can and love them as the safe parent does love them. And remember, even when others don’t actually know who and what your abuser is, you do know and that’s what truly matters.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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