It’s Not ‘Reactive Abuse’, It’s ‘Reactive Defense’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Throughout my work online and in my own counseling, I’ve considered the issue of abuse survivors reacting back to their abusers, being deemed by many as abuse. It’s not abuse. It’s not ‘mutual abuse’, or whatever other victim blaming terms people want to use.

When being abused, it’s only natural that at some point – the victim may react back. This can be verbally or physically. But this is a defense. This is not abuse. This reaction would not occur, if the victim wasn’t being subjected to abuse.

If baffles me that people do believe that the behaviour of the victim needs to be seen to be ‘perfect’ at all times. The behaviours and actions of victims prior to the abuse, during the abuse and after the abuse, is often scrutinized, criticized and used against the victim in a negative way. It’s often used to blame the victim. It’s often used to shame the victim. It’s often used to minimize the abuse perpetrated by the actual abuser.