Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

About me

I am a survivor of multiple, severe, complex trauma and abuse.

In Jan 2013, I set up a community page on Facebook. This gained over 10,000 in a year and became the largest non organisation related Complex PTSD Facebook page.

I received 1000’s of comments & messages, all stating my gift for expressing my journey, my emotions, my feelings, my highs and lows and my understanding of complex trauma and that expression resonates with so many people.

It became very clear of the need for survivors to relate to someone – another survivor – who can express, voice and understand the whole journey, in a honest, forthright, deep, whole, complete way.

‘No-one’ can understand the impact of severe complex trauma, more than another survivor.

At the age of 40, my healing journey began, when following a near breakdown in 2012, I was forced to acknowledge and deal with my past, after many years of avoiding, minimizing and denying the severity of the abuse, due to fear and complete lack of support.

Complex trauma and abuse in childhood, profoundly affects and causes life changing, core level damage and requires specific therapy.

It is my hope this blog helps many on the same journey to healing as I am.

62 thoughts on “About me

  1. Hi – very keen to help you get some sense of justice here. These events are very troubling and have not just affected you but possibly other people already or in the future. Your article “I’m not being loyal to people who hurt me anymore.” referred to:”he confirmed in writing, he had lied to his wife and been hiding things from her and didn’t deny in the message that he had ‘feelings for me that should only have been for his wife’.”.

    The key to protecting other people is this note from him where he admitted these things. Can you send it to me or post it with your article?

  2. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD. His from experiences he encountered when a part of the military. His faith is strong to carry him through, yet it brings about seasons of silence that is perplexing. Along with this comes the claustrophobic that seems to add to his perplexing state. Perplexing I do not find to be the best word, as he does not seem confused, just reminiscent of those encounters in life that linger. Telling your story not only helps you to see it for what it is, yet helps those that search for an answer. May God lead you in these days of healing as you continue your journey.

    • Thank you Annette, yes PTSD id very difficult for those who suffer it and equally challenging for those who support someone with PTSD.
      I always encourage both to ensure they are having good self care.
      I believe in sharing our stories and in doing so others feel less alone in their journey.
      May God also continue to lead you both along this healing journey.

  3. Thank God for the Christian community here on WordPress eh? 🙂
    1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing.

    • Thank you and yes, one of my goals is to help build people up, people who are committed to healing and committed to being Christ led.
      Also reaching out past my Church community, as I know Christ modelled reaching out, helping the oppressed, the stigmatized, the lonely, the forgotten, the ones suffering.
      I know all those forms of suffering, so to help others with this, is a privilege.

  4. I have complex PTSD from child abuse and PTSD from a rape at 22 (where I was sure I was going to be murdered)

    ps – I would like to sign up for your blog but I can’t find your “Follow Blog” widget

  5. I also have a second blog about being a strange Christian.

  6. I have some questions I would like to ask. Is there a way to contact you? I cannot find any contact email link.

  7. Thank you so much for your blog and your facebook page. When I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD I was feeling very much alone. Like you I survived through childhood abuse from adopted parents who really shouldn’t have had any children, especially adopted children. From there I went into a very traumatic marriage and also survived domestic violence. It really brings a kind of peace to know there are those out there that really understand and don’t just subscribe to the “just get over it” mentality! I thank God everyday that I have a family now, including a very understanding and supportive husband to help me through all that darkness, but to know there are others that go through what I do on a daily basis really helps a lot. God Bless You!

  8. I also suffer from PTSD from childhood/rape. Although it’s terrible to see that there are so many people that do have it, it’s nice to not feel alone. My husband doesn’t understand the way my damaged mine thinks and it makes it difficult and I feel very alone at times. I just want to say thank you.

  9. Hey, I nominated you for a Liebster Award! If you want to take part in that, check out my post here: http://sophiebuck.wordpress.com/2013/10/30/liebster-award/ Your blog is great!

  10. I have to just say that your Facebook page posts help me every single day! I can’t explain how much it is a part of my life and helps so THANK YOU! Could you possibly post something about having complex ptsd and how it affects a woman after divorce? It has gotten even worse now that my children are spending so much time with my ex husbands new serious girlfriend. I am back at square one and can’t stop crying, feeling replaced, just as I did when the trauma started as a child. Maybe someone else has gone through this and knows how to cope? It would mean very much to me….Thank you for everything! 🙂

  11. I had liked your pages on Facebook, but they disappeared. They were my favorite pages, I could relate to so much you said. You sound like such a sweet person, and I miss your posts. I do hope you are doing well. If you ever see this come back and let us know you are okay.

  12. Hello.
    The following is my nomination of your blog for the Liebster Award on my site @ http://americanainjustica.wordpress.com/

    #4 – This blog is a beautiful and surreal place to visit as a survivor of a near-fatal marriage. I also suffered PTSD in a variety of ways and manifestations as a result of surviving, driving home the reality that there’s a lot more to surviving than eating, sleeping and shitting. If you support the idea of a Survivor; if you read and genuinely understood the message behind my post called The Cut-Throat Club, you should visit this blog as well.

  13. Have you tried Somatic Experiencing or Trauma Release Exercised?

  14. Thank you to everyone who has commented here. I don’t realise there are more comments.
    Yes, my Facebook community page of the same name, is currently not active, as I needed a break from it. I was having a hard time and then receiving abusive messages, so decided some time away from the page was needed.

  15. I can honestly say that you are one of my favorite bloggers at this time and I would love it if you would be willing to be a guest blogger for Youth of a nation sometime. It can be whatever moves or motivates you as a writer and survivor. I have only told a piece of my story for the sake of family, but someday will share more. I think you can contribute a great deal to our cause. Think about it and email me at youthofanationblog@gmail.com. Thanks!

  16. I’m so glad you are considering it, Thank you!

  17. Thank you for stopping by my blog – I’m delighted because it led me to yours, which is jam-packed with wisdom. So, I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! More info here http://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/03/24/seven-random-factoids-versatile-blogger-award/

  18. Thank you so much for following my blog. I can relate on so many levels. I’m sorry you too have been there.

  19. For me toxic shame stopped me from getting help for so long
    Thank you for your blog, i relate to so much of it & thank god im not alone xxx

  20. Hi. Congrats on choosing to survive those iincredible challenges and for choosing to openly share with others so they can be encouraged to do the same. I join you in that long line of childhood abuse recipients and understand full well how complex recovery can be. Praise God for His teaching me what love is really about so I, too, can be His instrument of encouragement to those He sends across my path.

    Tnanks for visiting http://www.lifeistoughbutgodalwaysmakesaway.wordpress.com I look forward to your return visits, comments and sharing.

  21. I just found your page and I too suffered a great deal in my childhood and adulthood. I just want to say that much of what you have described is so familiar. I did not see your page on Facebook and I have seen your posts (and commented) about a stalker I had. If you start accepting followers, please include me.

    Thank you for your willingness and courage to let so many of us, suffering the same way, knowing how you cope and got help. Your blog is very encouraging. †

  22. I found your trauma story to be horrific, almost unbelievable. Your parents and immediate family were not just mentally disturbed, but evil. Just to survive to 40 after what you went through is a miracle due to God’s grace….yes it is a miracle. God Bless and I pray for you!

  23. Thank you for Following my blog – http://YourWellWisherProgram.Wordpress.com, it Drives me ahead Regards

  24. I have nominated you for the Versatile bloggers award! http://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/
    You don’t have to accept but should you choose to this is what you need to do.
    -Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
    Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
    – Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would
    add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
    – Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award
    – Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

    Good Luck! God bless!

  25. This webpage and your words are indeed blessings. ❤

  26. I nominated you for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger award! If you want to accept, please check out the rules here: http://createtohealpain.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award/ No pressure, but love your blog and wanted to pass on the love! Happy blogging!

  27. Thank you for blessing and helping so many people with this blog!

  28. I enjoy your website and sharing your words with my readers. I have nominated you for the “Once a Victim, Now a Survivor Award”. Please see my post at http://darque.me/2015/07/13/once-a-victim-now-a-survivor-award-1/ for further details. I would love it if you can participate! Please forgive me if I left duplicates of this post, I couldn’t remember if I already sent this & couldn’t find the place I might have posted it (brain cancer leaves me with the attention span of a goldfish, at times). 🙂

  29. I myself am and abuse survivor .. 43 years old, living and healing from the wounds from childhood! I write to heal and write about my therapy healing on my blog and love connecting with others who share a similar story…. thank you for this blog ..


  30. Hi Lilly: Just curious why you blocked me on Twitter, hope I wasn’t offensive to you in some way. Deb

    • Yes Deb, I blocked you on twitter, because you are supporting Simon Buckden, who I did give you info about being a liar, conman and abuser. And I note you have lied to him by telling him I blocked you for ‘no reason’, which is not true, because I told you my concerns. If you wish to associate with sociopaths, who abuse people and con people – that’s your problem. In case you are interested, his fraud court hearing is today – 22nd Feb. Don’t lie about me online. That makes you someone no better than him.

      • I ‘talked’ to him via dm. I never mentioned your NAME just said SOMEONE in a Tweet. Before you block someone, please warn them ahead of time, they don’t know what they did wrong if they have connected with you in a good media relationship. I read what was in the press, is it all true, he has his side and his paperwork there. He said he is in a legal struggle and has many followers? I don’t know what to believe. Yes, if I am dealing with a sociopath I definitely don’t want to be involved with him. You and I have been down the same path of trauma, I don’t want to part ways over this, please reconsider.

      • Has he provided proof of having cancer? No, because he never had terminal cancer. And his PTSD diagnosis, is from a GP – and GP’s aren’t qualified to diagnose. He also never saw combat. He’s a pathological liar, and he does it to get money, attention & fame. He’s a fraud. I told you what he is, as an act of compassion – to protect you. If you choose to continue supporting him, as you have chosen, then that’s your problem, not mine. I tried to help you. What you do with that, is up to you, but I will block anyone who continues to support him, or people like him. I have more integrity and respect to all those abused. I don’t associate with sociopaths, narcissists or their enablers.

      • That was my mistake, yes, I was conned. I didn’t research properly and I apologize. I posted an article of his in my blog, for which I will be pulling, will block him on Twitter, apologize to you on Twitter, and write an apology on your blog if you wish. I feel terrible, but it’s my own fault. I’m sorry, you did give me the chance and I don’t associate with people who con especially when it relates to a mental illness rip-off tactic.

      • I appreciate the apology Deb, but I don’t need you to put an apology on twitter or anywhere else. I just need to be careful who I associate with, as I have so much abuse already in my life.

      • I understand, and I appreciate the head’s up that you were trying to warn me about. The scam he pulled is unforgivable and only done for $$ by a greedy man. I did block him and apologized in response to your tweet to me this morning. Sorry for this, as you stated with with abuse, and I’m not excusing myself, but I’m dealing with horrible dissociation in therapy at the moment due to emotional abuse from narcissistic mother issues. Trust is a problem once again, don’t know why.

      • I’m sorry you are going through so much atm, I understand, as I am too. I hope you can have lots of self care, as we really need it, especially when in a really hard place. Please know, I am a really honest person, because integrity to honesty is important to me. I would not say someone is an abuser, if I didn’t know that to be 100% true. And I get really upset when I see victims of abuse, getting conned and manipulated by ppl like him. Which is why I warn people.

      • Thank you Lilly, Hugs, Deb

      • Me also, and on the subject of abuse CPTSD, I believe we are so vulnerable and fragile at times, yet we think we are strong, but we’re still struggling. Each time I think I take a step forward, I end up stepping back, discovering more upsetting trauma and thinking, shit “I thought I was making progress”.

      • I feel exactly the same. Just as I feel like I’m really having progress in healing…. things happen &/or I process more trauma, and I go backwards. I get overwhelmed and really despondent. I think knowing this journey in a linear process and will be up and down, forwards and backwards, is needed.
        It’s exhausting.

  31. This blog is awesome.

    I could write the longest comment ever right now, telling you how much I relate… lol… suffice it to say, I totally relate. I was 50 when my PTSD was diagnosed, 54 when my new doctor told me I had Complex PTSD. My abuse history begins with my earliest childhood memory in 1954 and my last abusive intimate relationship ended in 2003.

    So yes, I relate. Thank God for the internet allowing us to know we are not the only one. 🙂

  32. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of childhood abuse by adoptive parents. I have been through therapy but am still startled by my response to certain scenarios that don’t mirror or directly trigger memories of my abuse. Such examples are: being involved in a car collision in which a car pulled out in front of me and I hit them broadside, having to undergo surgery of an invasive nature, having a person recently “play a prank” where they called to say my husband never showed for his appointment (he was there on time, she was calling for another reason) My reaction seems to be over the top and will knock me to my knees for few days. Does this happen to anyone else? I can see where the so-called prank was abusive and caused me to have a huge reaction – the others I am puzzled about… some insight would be helpful.

  33. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this blog. Your ability to communicate your insights and understanding are enriching my life. I’m awed by your bravery too, it’s an encouragement in itself.

  34. Thank you so much for your website.

  35. Thank you for this website!! It is REAL!!

    I grew up in 30 foster homes between 2 and 18. I had been raped, beaten, emotionally and mentally abused. My biological mother tried to kill me in the womb as per her words. I have been raped, beaten, mugged, homeless as an adult.

    I am 56 now and still trying to figure things out. At 54 years old I moved to my 54th housing unit. I have no family, a few friends (but not when needed) and at 52 was diagnosed with an unknown motor neuron disease (possibly the long version of ALS ((Lou Gehrigs).

    I am thankful for the last line as because of the disease and it’s slow progression I have had a lot of spare time on my hands. Because of the disease I have had the opportunity to work on me for once in my life. I am in therapy and have read many, many books, blogs, online articles trying to figure things out! It has been a very slow and difficult process but one I am thankful for as for the first time in my life I am getting a chance to experience me!! I also find I am starting to find some contentment and peace here and there which is really a great thing!

    I read the “Humpty Dumpty” article you wrote and now I understand what my therapist has always told me when I begged her to fix me. To make me “UNBROKEN”. I now understand I will never be a Whole Egg in my entire life, however, but even with the broken pieces I will be OK!!

    I do believe people who have truly been abused believe that being a whole humpty dumpty would be the most wonderful thing but as I look around to the people I have worked with, the few friends I have and people all over, well, for having somewhat “normal” upbringings, so many are just so miserable and do not really seem to enjoy life. They are looking angry, tired, bitter, resentful, etc. so I think I am actually in a better way than them as I treasure the things around me and realize that things that are considered so stressful really have no impact on me what-so-ever.

    So all in all, I see, feel, hear, smell and taste things like it is the first time. normal people do not really seem to do this anymore. Bottom line is I may never be “WHOLE” but even though I have broken pieces, I still have all of me, pieces and more!! 🙂

    At any rate, this website I find has “REAL” articles and not just the usual BS that so many other sites have!! Again, thank you!!

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