Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Why It Can Be An Act Of Greater Love For Children – To Stay In A Relationship With A Narcissist ~ Lilly Hope Lucario



One perspective about being in a relationship with a narcissist and having children is….

Some choose to stay to protect their children, because if you split up – the toxic person will get to see the children and the decent parent will not be there to know what’s happening. And the decent parent cannot help the children, if they don’t know what they are being subjected to.

So staying together enables the decent parent to be aware of everything going on.

Plus, there are so many people who suffer through terrible divorces and go through hell trying to co-parent with a narcissist.

And the children suffer the most.

In some (not all) situations – it is an act of greater love for the children, to remain in the relationship.

Continue reading


25 Obvious & Non Obvious Self Care Issues – Complex Trauma Survivors Struggle With ~ Lilly Hope Lucario



Self care is something spoken about a lot, and seems so very easy. Well, not to complex trauma survivors and in particular childhood complex trauma survivors.

I asked my Facebook community, what were their biggest self care issues, these were some of their responses, which express the obvious self care needs and the not so obvious self care needs, complex trauma survivors struggle with.. Continue reading


Pity, Not Anger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I am not someone who enjoys feeling anger. I’ve avoided it most of my life. I’m a freeze/fawn traumatology type, not fight. But, over the last few years I’ve had to process needed anger.

At the moment I am processing more intense emotions about ongoing abuse I have endured at the hands of someone with the dark triad traits of psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellian traits. This person is a heinous human being.

And I have felt intense anger at the abuse I have endured. I have felt hatred, anger, disgust. Rightly so.

But, I refuse to feel anger any longer. Because that hurts me.




Instead, I will feel pity. Pity for an empty human being, devoid of any good character traits…… who despite being so pathologically selfish, has fucked his own life up, never had good relationships, never felt love, abandoned his child and is a miserable, resentful man.

I’m not going to feel sorry for him.

I’m not going to make excuses for him.

I’m not going to enable, ignore, justify his chosen actions.

He is 100% responsible for everything he has done.

So, I will pity him.

He is so absorbed in believing what he did was what he needed and wanted, he didn’t have anything good.

That’s pitiful. Continue reading


30 Helpful Things To Say To Someone With Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Often people don’t know what to say to someone with Complex PTSD. As a result some say things that are harmful, invalidating and hurtful. Often unintentionally. Some avoid us, either because they don’t know what to say, or because they don’t want to deal with our pain. Some suggest we should be over this, or shame us for talking about past trauma. That increases the isolation and shame survivors often feel.

I could write an entire article on the things people have said to me, that were completely inappropriate and very hurtful. Being someone who suffers suicide ideation and suicidal thoughts, I am aware of the life threatening result of being victim shamed, invalidated and being further traumatised by other people.

So, this article is a list of things survivors of complex trauma, who have Complex PTSD, feel are helpful. It is my hope this leads to more productive and helpful interactions and support.

I asked my online Facebook community, and these were some of their responses. Continue reading