Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I can tolerate some degree of fear and ignorance, but not malicious racism ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I understand there is some fear and ignorance, surrounding the Muslim asylum seekers coming into Australia. I get not being educated and Australia being an openly racist country (not everyone) – means racism is often demonstrated.

I can tolerate some of this, even though I really dislike it. But, it is the motivation behind these views, I am interested in. If it’s purely fear and ignorance, I can tolerate this to an extent.

When people are malicious and mocking to people in a racist way, that is where I totally draw the line of where people have gone too far.

That is boundary that has been crossed, for the standards I expect of people.

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I don’t wish to have mean, bitchy, malicious people in my life. And I feel completely okay with this. This kind of behaviour is a big red flag to me. It’s immature, harmful behaviour that hurts people. And I’m not okay with that, and I won’t be enabling it. It’s a complete lack of empathy, or considering the feelings of others. And a sense of entitlement to mock others and no conscience about it. That’s narcissism. And I will always spot narcissistic attitudes.

Racism is abuse, whether people want to believe that or not. It’s wrong.

I spoke about this yesterday in counselling, and this was confirmed as a healthy boundary. And one that is okay to set.

I am consistently doing better with my boundaries – to have a healthy life, and keeping toxicity out.

Developing healthy boundaries, is something I talk about a lot and I know how vital they are, to keep toxicity out, and these boundaries have to be set by ourselves. Continue reading


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Developing healthy boundaries, is not about hating people, being mean, or wanting to hurt people back ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 

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Developing, implementing and maintaining healthy boundaries, is not easy. It feels weird, especially when you are someone who has always had soft boundaries.

I talk a lot about emotional boundaries, because I know they are vital in not being harmed anymore. They also help people control their emotional reactions and responses. I’ve had to learn boundaries and not get upset and react immediately at someone being hurtful, or toxic. I’ve spent a lot of energy learning self control, and I am consistently better at this.

Toxic/unhealthy people, will demand your boundaries are harmful. Of course they will, they don’t want you to implement something that stops them trampling over you emotionally. It will bug the shit out of toxic people, that they are no longer able to upset you, or they can’t do and say what they want. And in their entitled selfish minds, they should be allowed to do anything – and have no-one tell them differently. And they will see it as an attack to their ego if you show them this is not being tolerated. ‘How dare you stop me upsetting/harming you’. It’s always ‘all about toxic people’s needs’, in their selfish minds. When you look at the behaviour – it is like a toddler acting up and having a tantrum. That emotional development level stuck as a young child, as many narcissistic people are.

It will also create anger in people who have beliefs and issues they don’t want to confront about self. Cognitive dissonance is a real issue with toxic people. Today, I wrote a poster about ‘hurting other people being a choice’, and how ‘many people who have been abused, don’t abuse others’. That led to a very mixed reaction and about 8 people being banned from my page – for making excuses for being abusive to others. Bear in mind my page is for abuse survivors – not abusers. So, three of the banned people then stalked me by email. All that did, was prove I made the right choice to ban them. I’ve been told in counselling, when these people email me to tell me they are not happy with my boundaries, they are stalking. I ignore such emails now.

I don’t tolerate people making excuses for abusing people, and that is a boundary crossed that I don’t tolerate on my page. I make that very clear and I even warn people, not to make excuses. Yet, some still did… Continue reading


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I now take weekends off the internet, to address better self care ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Self care, boundaries and balance, are always an ongoing part of my journey. When you are not taught or modelled healthy boundaries, healthy balance and self care in your formative years, you often struggle with them in adulthood.

It takes insight and self honesty and the willingness to take advice, to improve these.

I have compulsive behaviours, which I have self compassion about (now). I also have issues with feeling overly responsible for helping others…. due to parentification abuse as a child/teenager. I was made to have adult responsibilities, by my unhealthy and selfish mother.

I have the self insight to know I have issues, and that I need to manage them. And I have the insight to know – these don’t change overnight.

You cannot change 4 decades worth of

belief systems and behaviours, overnight.

It takes a lot of time, perseverance and

willingness to want to change.

It’s a journey and a process, that

requires continual honest self reflection.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 I have discussed this recently, in counselling. This issue was raised and my counsellor, who is also a doctor – stated she too needed to address balance when she first started her GP practice. She worked too many hours and needed to cut back, to have healthier balance.

I listened, and I could see where I am spending too much time on social media and the internet. Although I have cut down from the amount time spent online, from previous years, I still need more balance for a healthier life.

It was suggested I take weekends off and I agreed. If I view my work online as a job, I would have weekends off. So now I do. Continue reading