Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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One Of Biggest Issues Complex Trauma Survivors Continue To Endure ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I posted this to my Facebook page on 30/04/17, and the responses were amazing. So many survivors related to this insight and the way the trauma keeps on affecting our lives. Plus, how I have learned to deal with this.

Facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD/


Throughout my own life, and reading about so many people’s lives resulting from Complex Trauma,…..one of the main issues I see – that is so crippling and debilitating, is the lack of empathy and compassion from others, and the terrible isolation and loneliness that results. And how the suffering continues.

Other people not understanding, not caring, invalidating – simply makes our lives worse. Whether this hurt is intentionally meant, or not.

It is understandable that we endured a lack of empathy, and lack of love and caring about us, from those who caused the complex trauma.

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The ongoing issues of not being believed, not being validated, having our suffering minimized, or invalidated and the lack of understanding of all the ways Complex PTSD and/or severe PTSD continue to affect our lives ….. is basically further trauma.

This keeps us in a state of hypervigilance, depression, anxiety and perpetuates the emotional flashbacks, the lack of trust, the understandable fear about people and this triggers the pain and suffering from the past.

So, it becomes hurt that is being caused now, and triggers of the hurt caused in the past. A double whammy of pain and trauma.

And people wonder why we seem to not ‘get over it’ and why we don’t ‘leave it in the past’. The simple fact is, the trauma is continuing….. even if people don’t understand that.

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My Trauma History Is Why I Advocate For Those Who Have Endured Complex Trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

When I write about complex trauma and the life impacting suffering caused by it, I really do mean I understand it. I have empathy for survivors of many different types of abuse, because I have endured so many, over extended periods of time.

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I have come to understand, unless someone has endured the depths of heinous abuse and suffering I have endured, or unless they have great levels of empathy to try to understand how it would feel……… their opinion about my healing, doesn’t matter.

I advocate for people who have suffered terribly, because I’ve been there. And it’s why I have no expectations, or demands as to how survivors ‘should’ be coping. However people are doing, is okay with me.

I do see many people out there giving their ‘advice’ about how abuse survivors ‘should’ be doing. And I see the damage it causes.

Empathy is vital and complex trauma survivors need gentle encouragement and validation.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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All rights reserved.

No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.

 


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Another Review From A Trauma Therapist For – Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am always so thankful for the reviews from mental health professionals and especially those in the trauma field.

Knowing my work is considered helpful and grounded in psychology truth, is important for visitors to my Website, to be aware of. It helps create confidence for those reading my the info on my site.

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Reviews matter, especially in this current society, where people spread so much poor and harmful information.

My Website is @

https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

 

For details of more reviews see

https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/reviews-feedback


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How To Begin To Heal The Wounds Caused By Narcissistic Parents ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

As per my last article, narcissistic parents cause considerable damage to their children. Being raised by narcissists, is not normal and there are many wounds created, that affect the survivor – right through to their adulthood.

Last article can be read @ https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/04/25/10-damaging-ways-narcissistic-parents-emotionally-harm-their-children-lilly-hope-lucario/


The following 12 steps, can be very helpful for the adult survivor. They may aid healing and greatly improve quality of life. They can aid moving towards creating a healthy life and a life of thriving and building genuine healthy relationships.

1. Dealing With The Full Extent Of The Abuse & Neglect Is Necessary

It is necessary to deal with the extent of the abuse, and this is not being disloyal or unfair to the narcissistic parent. A survivor of childhood narcissistic abuse needs to confront the truth, reality and issues in full, in order to be able to heal the complex wounds.

It may feel very uncomfortable and very painful to deal with the reality of parental narcissistic abuse. Survivors can feel they are in some way being unfair to the parent, which is usually due to the brainwashing throughout childhood.

It is needed, to understand whilst the narcissistic parent may have wounds from their own childhood, or life, this is not an excuse to abuse their children. Narcissists often also know the abuse is wrong. And this is shown by the narcissists’ capacity to act differently around people they are not abusing. Often they behave very differently at home, than they do elsewhere. Plus, they often lie about the abuse, which again shows they do know it’s wrong. The hallmark trait of narcissists, is a lack of empathy, remorse or conscience. So whilst they do know the abuse they choose to inflict is wrong, they have no desire to do differently, as they have no empathy for those they abuse.

2. Understand It Takes Time To Process The Extent Of The Abuse & Grieve

This period of time needed to process all of the damage caused, is different for everyone. I personally did not start to deal with the truth about my toxic parents, until I was 40. And it has taken a few years to process the full extent of the damage caused. For others they will begin to start dealing with the childhood abuse, in their 20’s and some it may be in their 60’s. That’s okay. And it is never too late to start to heal the wounds. We are only read to deal with it, when we are ready.

For some adult survivors, dealing with too much too soon, can be emotionally overwhelming, and it may require a gradual process. That is okay too. Each person is different and there are no hard and fast rules to healing, and no set timespan as to how long this healing journey takes.

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A childhood full of toxicity and narcissistic abuse, needs to be grieved. This can take time. Grieving abusive parents, grieving a horrible childhood, grieving all the abuse endured, grieving all the child should have had, but didn’t, is hard. Like love, safety, protection, being cherished, being encouraged. It can be an emotionally painful grieving process. But, as with any loss – grieving is necessary and it allows the survivor to feel all the normal emotions they were never allowed.

3. Read Up On Different Types Of Abuse Caused by Narcissistic Parents

Narcissists often treat each of their children differently. They often assign roles to each child, and those roles are entirely for the benefit of the parent. One child may be assigned the role of scapegoat. And another child may be assigned the role of ‘Golden Child’. Both of these are very different, and may have different consequences, to the child and the adult they become. Narcissists often triangulate, and pit their children against each other and they rarely encourage healthy relationships between siblings.

Narcissists also have their preferred manipulation tactics. Some love to use the silent treatment. Others love to shout, scream and call their children names. Some love to make their child responsible for caring for other siblings.

It’s good to read up on the different types of abuse, as this helps us learn all the abuse was in fact entirely due to the parent’s own issues, and not due to anything the child did wrong.

I have a selection of resources from mental health professionals and best selling books, on my Website @ https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

4. Learn About Boundaries

Narcissists don’t have healthy boundaries, and this affects the growing child. Often the adult survivor will need to learn what healthy boundaries are, how to implement them and how to maintain them.

This can be a huge area of healing, and it can take time and a lot of willingness to look honestly at any deficit of healthy boundaries, and make the changes needed.

Some of the issues created by unhealthy/poor boundaries…. not being able to protect self from further toxic abuse, being a people pleaser and having a belief system that life is about meeting other people’s needs.

For resources about healthy boundaries – see https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/developing-boundaries-

5. Learn About Self Care

When raised by narcissistic parents, the child’s needs, are not a consideration. Continue reading


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“The Success Of Your Blog Is Your Kindness, Compassion, Insight, Knowledge & Validation”

These are just a few of the comments I received when I posted about this Blog reaching 1.5 million views.

It has always been my motivation, to bring insight, empathy and validation to survivors. And to raise awareness and insight for those working with survivors, plus family & friends of survivors.

I am so thankful this is what I am achieving. It matters. It matters to me, that I am helping people in their healing journeys. And I am always so thankful to know, this is occurring. It is my greatest wish, that all survivors are healing. However long it takes.

~Lilly Hope Lucario

A few of the comments I received today.

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This Blog Has Now Reached 1.5 Million Views

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I started this blog, to connect with other survivors of complex trauma, as so many of us feel so alone.
I did not realise this Blog would become so popular, especially because of the type of content – being child abuse, abuse, trauma and mental health.
But, my work, insight and writing – is supported by many, including professionals in the trauma/therapy field. And I am very thankful for that.
Thank you to all who support me and share my blogs, in helping spread more awareness, and increase compassion.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario