I have deliberated over how to publish my book and I’ve settled on an PDF ebook, I can promote via all my social media, this Blog and my Website.
I considered doing it via Amazon, and I see the advantages of it being promoted on a big audience, but I also see the drawbacks other authors have encountered, of dealing with reviews, dealing with trolls leaving bad reviews, when they haven’t even read the book.
I haven’t got time to deal with that crap. I don’t have the time or the motivation, to deal with negative stuff. And I don’t need my book to become a ‘best seller’ – I just want it to reach the people who need it. I just want to know it made a difference for people. And I could always re-publish it again in the future.
My Website has a lot of traffic and I could pay to have the SEO etc increased.
This Blog – has a of traffic.
And that is all enough for me. I know the book will reach those who need it.
Sometimes, the enormity and harsh reality of my life, hits me. Hits so hard, it’s like a Tsunami of pain.
My adulthood trauma includes…
A first marriage to an abusive alcoholic, gambling addict. He was physically, emotionally, financially abusive. A narcissist, basically.
Being attacked in a park at knife point, which was confirmed by police as likely to be an attempted rape, because it was not a mugging.
A few men, who when drunk didn’t stop during sex, when I wanted them to. So technically this is rape. But, I never really see it as that, because I allowed them to go so far and I was drinking too. And some men were rough. Too rough.
Spiritual abuse and sexual grooming, by a church minister and abuse from the entire church, due to minister lying and denying.
Plus workplace bullying and other minor trauma.
All this, is enough to severely traumatise people. And enough to cause PTSD and for some people who endure this, would make them suicidal.
And I totally understand that and have empathy for that.
But, for me……. these trauma endured in adulthood, were pretty minor, compared to what I endured in childhood.
In childhood I endured abusive parents, who abused me in horrific ways.
I endured every kind of abuse as a child. Throughout the first 20 years of my life.
I was sexually abused and raped for years, by a paedophile friend of my mother and step father. And they knew this was occurring and were complicit in it. And sexual abuse as a child is worse than as an adult. I know, because I’ve had both.
I was suicidal in my teenage years and abused continually. Scapegoating abuse. Parentification abuse. Emotional abuse. Psychological abuse. Sexual abuse.
Then as a teenager/adolescent, I was horrifically abused by another family friend – a psychopath. Subjected to rape, physical abuse, sexual torture, in captivity. Not allowed to have friends, see family etc. That ended when I was 20, with a court case, where he was imprisoned. The court hearing was also trauma in itself.
I would do anything, to have only endured what I suffered in adulthood. And not have suffered the first 20 years of my life.
And when I think about this, it makes me so sad.
Who would want to suffer this adult trauma?
I’ll take it and have just have the adult trauma.
The adult trauma barely figures to me, when I think of what has severely harmed me.
For those raised by highly abusive parents and for those sexually abused as children, please know…..
I understand how terrifying and impacting it is…..
To know the monsters are not stories in children’s books.
They are in fact… humans.
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I am always so very thankful for the reviews I receive. The ones from mental health professionals, are important, because they validate the quality of my work, insight and information.
This review, is from a very empathic and caring therapist.
During my last year in graduate school in my Marriage and family therapy program (2015) I discovered your website on Complex PTSD and it amazed me how much information you have on Complex Trauma.
I was unaware of Complex Trauma/PTSD until I began reading your blogs, resources and research. It is not taught in many schools and I hope eventually Complex Trauma will be a requirement in Psychology majors.
As I was working at my placement as an MFT trainee my clients displayed some symptoms and your website assisted me in providing them with resources and it helped.
Lilly, your website is very inspiring for survivors and it gives hope to those that have been struggling and has a place to come to for understanding, compassion and empathy.
You’re reaching people Globally and that in itself is Awesome!
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