Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I’m Glad To Have Finally Decided To Create An Ebook – I Can Promote Via All My Platforms ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have deliberated over how to publish my book and I’ve settled on an PDF ebook, I can promote via all my social media, this Blog and my Website.

ebook

I considered doing it via Amazon, and I see the advantages of it being promoted on a big audience, but I also see the drawbacks other authors have encountered, of dealing with reviews, dealing with trolls leaving bad reviews, when they haven’t even read the book.

I haven’t got time to deal with that crap. I don’t have the time or the motivation, to deal with negative stuff. And I don’t need my book to become a ‘best seller’ – I just want it to reach the people who need it. I just want to know it made a difference for people. And I could always re-publish it again in the future.

My Website has a lot of traffic and I could pay to have the SEO etc increased.

This Blog – has a of traffic.

And that is all enough for me. I know the book will reach those who need it.

SOOOOO glad I have finally made this decision. Continue reading


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I’ve always related to living, fighting & surviving a war ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

You don’t have to have been in combat

– to have been fighting a war.

The first 20 years of my life were all about survival.

The war of severe child abuse.

The war of surviving child sexual abuse.

The war of emotional, psychological,

mental, verbal and physical abuse.

The war of surviving a psychopath

– who had killed a previous girlfriend.

The war of absolute captivity abuse.

As a child.

As a teenager.

Fighting to stay safe.

Fighting danger all around me.

Every day.

I know now, why I have always been so emotional Continue reading


Wise Words From Elie Wiesel. R.I.P. Yes, we must take sides.

eli weisel

Elie Wiesel is a man who knows complex trauma, suffering and the evil people can inflict on innocent people.

I love wisdom.

I will not be silent.

I will not make excuses for those who intentionally cause harm and suffering.

I will not be an enabler.

I will not minimize, or invalidate suffering caused by complex trauma. Continue reading


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When I dismiss the trauma in adulthood, because the childhood trauma, was so much worse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

fragile woman

 

Sometimes, the enormity and harsh reality of my life, hits me. Hits so hard, it’s like a Tsunami of pain.

My adulthood trauma includes…

A first marriage to an abusive alcoholic, gambling addict. He was physically, emotionally, financially abusive. A narcissist, basically.

Being attacked in a park at knife point, which was confirmed by police as likely to be an attempted rape, because it was not a mugging.

A few men, who when drunk didn’t stop during sex, when I wanted them to. So technically this is rape. But, I never really see it as that, because I allowed them to go so far and I was drinking too. And some men were rough. Too rough.

Spiritual abuse and sexual grooming,  by a church minister and abuse from the entire church, due to minister lying and denying.

Plus workplace bullying and other minor trauma.

All this, is enough to severely traumatise people. And enough to cause PTSD and for some people who endure this, would make them suicidal.

And I totally understand that and have empathy for that.

But, for me……. these trauma endured in adulthood, were pretty minor, compared to what I endured in childhood.

In childhood I endured abusive parents, who abused me in horrific ways.

I endured every kind of abuse as a child. Throughout the first 20 years of my life.

I was sexually abused and raped for years, by a paedophile friend of my mother and step father. And they knew this was occurring and were complicit in it. And sexual abuse as a child is worse than as an adult. I know, because I’ve had both.

I was suicidal in my teenage years and abused continually. Scapegoating abuse. Parentification abuse. Emotional abuse. Psychological abuse. Sexual abuse.

Then as a teenager/adolescent, I was horrifically abused by another family friend – a  psychopath. Subjected to rape, physical abuse, sexual torture, in captivity. Not allowed to have friends, see family etc. That ended when I was 20, with a court case, where he was imprisoned. The court hearing was also trauma in itself.

I would do anything, to have only endured what I suffered in adulthood. And not have suffered the first 20 years of my life.

And when I think about this, it makes me so sad.

Who would want to suffer this adult trauma?

Me.

I’ll take it and have just have the adult trauma.

The adult trauma barely figures to me, when I think of what has severely harmed me.

Such a terrible reality to live with. Continue reading