Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


When abusers know exactly what they are doing…

I don’t make excuses for abusive people, who know what they are doing is wrong. I don’t justify, rationalise, minimize, excuse… etc.  I know people do make excuses for them… because that’s the easier way to deal with it. It ‘feels’ better, to think the abuse, was not intentional.

But, I don’t deal with lies. I deal with the truth. I cannot lie to myself, to make myself feel better.

The fact is – most abuse is done intentionally. Consciously. Deliberately. Because if it wasn’t….. they would not hide it, or lie about it. They are not insane, they know exactly what they doing.

It’s the harder road, to deal with truth, but I believe it to be necessary, to heal and to not remain in toxic relationships.

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So for anyone grappling with this issue. Ask yourself…. did the abuser hide their toxic behaviours? Did they lie about it? Did they do it out in the open, in front Continue reading


Some family systems, are simply too broken to be mended ~ Jeff Brown

Jeff Brown, is one of few people giving advice on Facebook, that I choose to follow. His advice, insight, is far wiser than many. He sees through the victim shaming culture, we live in.

He sees through the New Age rubbish spouted by too many. He sees through all the ‘yogis’, ‘gurus’ and other self serving people. He sees through all the common irrational thinking, perpetuated by many. He sees through all those who perpetuate ‘avoidance’ of trauma, ‘minimizing’ trauma, ‘disconnecting’ from the trauma – perpetuated by some religions and the New Age crowd. He knows they do not lead to healing. He sees through the shaming issues created by family abuse. He sees survivors need boundaries, and not to feel any shame or guilt.

He has rational thinking, wisdom and empathy – a rare combination, I cherish.

This is spot on.

“It’s easy to personalize family dysfunction. We come from them, after all. It’s hard to distinguish what is ours, from what is there’s- where do I end, where does the other begin? This is particularly true if we have yet to individuate and develop healthy boundaries- something difficult to do in an enmeshed family.

The big mistake that many of us make is going back to the same toxic family well over and over again, looking for our answers there. Sometimes it happens- like in those rare instances where other family members are simultaneously ready to wake up- but often it is just a self-perpetuating trauma trip, one that merely deepens our confusion and pain.

As difficult as it can be to break the habit, we have to stop looking towards that which wounded us for our healing. Some family systems are simply too broken to be mended. Continue reading


Soulless Psychopaths, greatly harm empathic people.

psychopath free pic 2

There are no words, to adequately describe, how it feels to have been harmed by evil. A person who does not have any conscience, or empathy, or guilt, or shame, or remorse, or regard for human suffering – and enjoys inflicting suffering…. is as close as you can get, to evil.

I am pretty good at expressing how I feel. Yet, I still cannot describe how horrendous it is, to have suffered these soulless people, as a child, and as an adult. Over periods of years.

It is something, that I feel will never be gone. I dream about these people. Still.

To be touched by evil…. for prolonged periods of time, is beyond description. Continue reading


‘Inspirational Woman’ article, about me.



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This article was written when I had my Facebook page still running. Since then, I have chosen to close the Facebook page, but I continue my blog, website, other social media and I am currently in the process of writing my first book.

Inspirational Women – Lily Hope Lucario

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved. No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the name of the author – Lilly Hope Lucario and a clear link back to this blog –  https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.



This is how psychopaths, even dupe mental health professionals.

Psychopaths, can be very intelligent. The intelligent ones, can fake empathy, fake emotions, fake emotional reactions. But, actually they have no capacity for empathy. Neuroscience shows the lack of empathy capacity, via brain imaging scans.

psychopath brain


It can be very difficult even for mental health professionals, to discern an intelligent psychopath. And many are duped by them. Even one of the world’s leading psychopaths experts – Dr. Robert Hare – admits he has been duped by them. Any mental health professional, who believes they will not be duped by them, are very naïve and clearly lack knowledge about psychopaths.

So, if experts, mental health professionals, can be duped and manipulated by psychopaths, please know the victims are easily duped too.

There are many psychopaths amongst us. Some experts estimate 1 in 25 people, is a fully fledged psychopath.

Most are not serial killers, or serial rapists. As is often wrongly assumed. Most are living amongst us all, totally undetected. They love careers like politics, business CEO’s, lawyers, church ministers, police officers, journalists. They see people as objects to be used and abused and are often attracted to careers where their traits can be exposed, and are acceptable. They love power and control.

Continue reading

“I’m a sad girl, I’m a bad girl” – Lana Del Rey

So much of Lana’s music resonates with me, to my teenage years.

I’ve spent my whole life, believing deep down, I am a bad girl.

That’s those voices from the past, those deep wounds that cause so much harm.

When you are told something enough, when you are treated badly, so often….. you believe it.



Questions To Ask Potential Therapists About Treating Complex Trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am aware of the vital necessity, for any therapist treating a survivor of complex trauma, to have enough insight, education, training, experience, empathy and knowledge about complex trauma.

Without these, many complex trauma survivors are harmed further, re-traumatised and this can greatly harm their healing journey. It can lead to suicide. It can lead to the survivor, never seeking help again.

There are many deep and complex layers of trauma, involved in complex trauma. Complex trauma is severe, ongoing interpersonal abuse, where the victim does not have or perceive a viable escape. Trust has already been destroyed during the abuse occurring. Often boundaries have been abused and the client’s survival tools, will include a lack of trust with anyone. Very understandably.

The therapy relationship may be the only relationship the client has, to talk openly and without fear of judgment, invalidation, minimization of the suffering caused.

More information about complex trauma, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can be found on my website

@ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/.

My website is supported by many mental health professionals, in the trauma field.

Building a relationship with a therapist, will likely be a challenging journey. But, a ‘safe enough’ therapy relationship, will be required. Safety, for many complex trauma survivors, is a fear inducing situation. It can take considerable time to build up enough trust and safety with a client. That is normal.

I advise people seeking therapy, to find out whether the potential therapist, is adequately skilled, to provide the quality of therapy required.

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The following, is a list of potential questions I recommend, to discern if the therapist will be suitable.

And remembering the therapist is there to provide a service to you (the client) and they should be receptive to questions. It is needed to know whether any potential therapist is suitable for a complex trauma survivor.

It may feel awkward to questions, but it is our right, to ask. In not asking questions, we have no gauge as to the quality of therapy and that can result in more harm, or being further traumatised.


1. Ask the therapist, what they know about the differences between trauma and complex trauma?

They should have an in depth knowledge of this subject. They should know trauma can be caused by events such as a one time sexual assault in adulthood, a car crash, military combat, the unexpected death of a loved one etc.

They should also know complex trauma is ongoing interpersonal trauma/abuse, caused by people. It is long term abuse, or multiple abuse/trauma. It is within a captivity situation, where there is no perceived means of escape. It causes deep, pervasive and complex issues with trust, emotion regulation, sense of identity, emotional flashbacks, inner critic, toxic shame and social anxiety. To name a few.

The therapist, needs to be very aware of the deeper issues caused by complex trauma, as  opposed to other types of trauma.

2. Ask the therapist, how many clients they have treated for complex trauma?

They need to be experienced in providing therapy. Continue reading

Honoured to be invited to contribute to this book.

Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare

I am honoured to be invited to be a contributor for this book. Shahida is a gifted writer and is helping many through her books.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse, is not easy, not quick and when endured as a child in particular, it has life long, life impacting consequences. And I don’t minimize this.

Shahida, understand complex trauma and Complex PTSD are some of the consequences of enduring these personality disorder, abusive people. I am deeply thankful, to be asked to contribute, due to my knowledge and experience of enduring and healing complex trauma. Continue reading

Updated my recommended resources list & reviews page.

My website @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/ is viewed by 100’s of people a day & is recommended and supported by many in the trauma related mental health field.

I am often updating it.

Today, I updated the recommended resources list, after seeking some advice from some therapists.

This is @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!book-recommedationsresources/cnqp

And I updated my reviews/feedback page, because the page has so much info, I could not fit any more on it……… so I made a slideshow for many – which helped with the page size.

My reviews page is @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!reviews-feedback/c1uq6 Continue reading

I think deeply & search for honesty…. that’s what I bring to the conversation.

I think a lot. And deeply. I process a lot. And deeply. I know this to be true, because I am told this. By many. It’s what I bring to the table in understanding complex trauma survivors, emotions, reactions, responses, and why. My counsellor has stated that I have taught her much about complex trauma, and stated I am someone who thinks/processes, to an unusual depth.

I have mixed responses to what I write about. Some find it very insightful, helpful and a level of honesty/insight rarely spoken. Some tell me it puts into words, what they have not been able to express themselves. Some don’t understand what I am processing, don’t relate and some react emotionally to it and reject it. Which I understand and I have compassion for.

Today, I tweeted my last post about why victim blaming and self blame, can be a maladaptive coping strategy, which was referred to as “Wow. Very Insightful“, by another complex trauma/child sexual abuse survivor. And that blog post was shared by Dr Melanie Greenberg’s website – a clinical psychologist, an expert in trauma and blogger for Psychology Today.

And I tweeted a popular blog post I wrote, about mental health professionals not having enough empathy for complex trauma survivors and why, which was referred to as “It’s Empowering that you speak the truth, because it is truth & there is too much of the lack of empathy going on! Thank U!” & “Your advocacy helps extremely Lilly, it’s sensitive & complex that some do not grasp the severity of it” & “You are making a difference in this world” & “You have become very Empowered & you are an amazing inspiration for me & others!!” – by a trainee therapist/complex trauma survivor, and “Helpful insights, learned the hard way”, by another survivor.

Many people have commented on these posts, shared them and mental health professionals have thanked me for writing them. Which is good, because I believe this issue of sufficient empathy – that is so vital to complex trauma survivors, is one reasons, many struggle to heal.

This last comment, ‘learned the hard way’, struck home the depths of suffering, invalidation and re-traumatising, I have endured, to work out all I process. It makes me realise, just how much I have endured, and continue to endure, due to other people. Whether it be intentionally harmful, or not.

I am glad that other survivors of complex trauma, who also have some insight, see what I write as the truth. As a deeper level of processing. As that need some of us have deep within, for honesty and truth, no matter how hard to deal with.

And I know – when you are someone who knows the depths of abhorrent suffering people can wilfully cause….. and suffer terribly at the hands of those who were meant to care for you… it changes who you are. It changes you from an average person, with average human life experiences, and average understanding about trauma…. to someone not average, with experiences well beyond any realms of normal. The life experiences of suffering I have endured, are profound and well beyond the limit of what we created to endure/cope with.

I accept I am different to an average person, because that is the reality, the outcome, the consequence, of suffering and enduring non normal life experiences over prolonged periods of time. Being different, is not a ‘bad symptom’, that needs correcting. It’s absolutely normal for a complex trauma survivor. A complex trauma survivor cannot be expected to be ‘normal/average’, when their life was not normal/average. Especially when this complex trauma was throughout their childhood. Continue reading