Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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It takes far more courage, to not ‘do’ cheap grace ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I realise the reason most people like ‘cheap grace’, is because they themselves, don’t need to be honest, don’t need to repent, don’t need to do anything.

Christians who just demand cheap grace, are weak and self serving. Yet they will delude themselves, cheap grace, is about compassion, about mercy, about love.

I cannot lie and delude myself in this way.

But, I also don’t want…… retribution, payback, ‘karma’, retaliation, anyone to burn in hell., be abused in prison, the death penalty…. or whatever else people like to imagine will happen to abusers.  My conscience and sense of right and wrong, is too developed. I don’t have the mentality of anyone who thinks abuse is ever okay.

So, I just leave them to God. He can deal with them. It’s not my job.

I’m controversial, because I don’t buy into most people’s beliefs.

I walk a path, that requires insight, honesty, integrity and not swallowing self serving lies.

It’s a lonely path. I’m not ‘popular’ as a result. My integrity to honesty, doesn’t lower, to be more popular.

And who’s my greatest role model and doing what’s right, regardless of what anyone is doing, being pretty unpopular as a result and being rejected for speaking truth and not being a people pleaser…….


~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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So many church abuse survivors. It hurts my heart.

Through my work and online conversations, I have had the honour of speaking to many Christians. Sadly, though, many cannot attend church, due to the abusive and inappropriate attitudes, of too many church people. I understand this completely.

I went to church today. I haven’t been for several weeks. I’ve been avoiding hearing anything said about Cardinal Pell, the Royal Commission etc.

Sadly, despite avoiding that….. it was still to be a time, where I would hear gullible, non discerning people, not recognising red flags. The Pope offering his ‘gesture’ of taking two refugee families, was raised and labelled ‘so compassionate’. *sigh.

The Pope didn’t show any compassion to the paedophile priest survivors, and families of those who committed suicide, when he refused to grant them an audience – when they had all travelled to Rome, for the RC involving Cardinal Pell, and his clear enabling of paedophile priests.

It’s clear to me, the Pope, is a PR man. He has no compassion in his heart, because if he did, he would have that in abundance for those abused in the most heinous was – by in-house child sexual abuse, who were then further treated appallingly for decades. He showed he does not care at all. Even the man he appointed for the group meant to deal with this paedophilia in the Catholic Church, has since said, the Pope has no genuine intent to sort that issue out. He is a fake.

So, to sit and listen to the BS, that the Pope’s PR gesture, described as compassion, was so disappointing, triggering, emotive and made me just never want to return to a church again.

Church people, can be the most disordered, unwise, stupid, bizarre people of all. They don’t learn by all the many mistakes already made. They just keep repeating them. Continue reading


‘Honour & Respect Your Abusive Parents’ – is more abuse. Church people….stop this.


I hate this crap that church people like to perpetuate………how it is a terrible sin to think badly of our parents, no matter what they do.

Grrrrr……..it is the abusive parents who sinned, abused us and stole our need and right to have parents we could honour and respect!

This is why I have to stay away from church people.

I can’t handle their emotionally, psychologically abusive, re-traumatising, spiritually abusive views about abuse and abusers. I see clearly why abuse is rife within Christianity and it bothers me, that so many non Christians see this clearly too – and think this is what God wants. He does not, at all.

But, I am not resilient to deal with it. It is self care to stay away from people who will hurt me more.

I can’t handle anymore hurt and so many are so immature in their faith, in their emotional intelligence. Yes, I get that is where they are at. No, I don’t hate them because of this, but I do not have to tolerate it and ignore it either.

They hurt far too many abuse survivors and that is not okay. These immature views, force abuse survivors to suppress their needed emotions, their healing. Which can take a long time and church people ‘judge’ that too. They think they are Jesus – to know how long someone’s healing ‘should’ take. Continue reading

I am aware my faith understanding, is deep.

I see many church people’s attitudes and I see how far they are from what God wants for us.

I see rich church people, feeling entitled to be rich.

I see church people ‘doing their bit’ that eases their conscience.

I see Bible quotes used to hurt people.

I see cliques and inner circles.

I see them portraying God as a sociopath.

I see ministers putting themselves first.

I see fake Jesus’s being worshipped. Continue reading

Having support, still feels weird. Good, but weird.

So good to have support from my doctor and others, about my intentions to do more about the abusive, narc pastor and her understand my reasons, which are very genuine and appropriate reasons.

And I will do whatever I can legally, which I am finding out more about and I will pursue whatever is legally open to me. I know my heart reasons and I know my faith reasons for this. Wolves in sheep’s clothing should not be pastors. And I don’t want more people hurt by this lying, narcissistic, self serving, wolf. And, I do not care in the slightest what anyone at the church he pastors at thinks about this. I am aware they will wrongly assume all sort of crap. They can go ahead.

My spiritual understanding, my understanding of God, my understanding of Jesus and who He is and my spiritual integrity, is greater than all of them combined. If they choose apathy, If they choose cheap grace, if they choose their needs to remain in their inner circles, if they choose to worship their church and leaders instead of God, if they choose being a narcissist’s apaths – that is their issues. And the shame and all their sin, is theirs too.

Apathy, will never be something I condone.

Using God/Jesus to hurt others, rightly offends my soul greatly.

Support is always needed though and I have this from several people.

Thank you God. I wouldn’t be who I am, without You.


Nothing offends me more, than vulnerable people targeted for abuse, in the name of God.

I will never be apathetic about this.


I don’t care what people think of me, about this either.

Jesus was not apathetic about abuse, or God being used as the excuse, and He got angry.

He is my role model, no-one else.

I am a Christian, wanting to be more like Jesus, not trying to be more like ‘Christians’ – who are mostly just church people.


I know that, but sadly most church people don’t.

If church people want to be apathetic, well that’s their sin and shame to deal with, not mine.

And they can harp about grace, their cheap grace all they like, cheap grace is sin too. Cheap grace is for non Christians. For people who have no spiritual integrity.

What I think of abuse occurring within churches – in plain sight. It disgusts my soul.

A post to my community page.

As a Christian – who does ‘not’ push my faith on anyone – I feel deeply angered, and upset for anyone who has endured abuse from church people (they are not Christians if they abuse), who abuse people, their children, the congregation, their spouses etc.

I see a massive need to help support people who have been abused spiritually and also then emotionally, mentally etc as well.

Please know, I do NOT condone this in any way, at all. The fact that it is enabled and encouraged within churches – is DISGUSTING!!

The fact that so many physically abuse their children, with harsh physical ‘discipline’ disgusts me. I know a church that encourage people to take belts to their teenagers, one of the elders wives told me, herself. Evil.

I am also very much angered by all the apathy about this, look the other way, use of cheap grace and forced forgiveness etc.

I am even a little angry with my own doctor for having such an apathetic take on this. That upsets my soul too. I feel too many church people are apathetic about this.

I am NOT pushing this an a faith issue, I am voicing how I feel deeply for people abused, in the name of God, by these disgusting people. And whilst I do not repay evil, with evil, I also am very rightfully angry about this.

There needs to be more people like me, willing to say – what these church people and ministers do is absolutely wrong and it is abuse and they should be STOPPED!

This subject really and deeply offends my soul, so please be tolerant of that – as it is also supporting the survivors of churches, survivors of the sociopaths that are attracted to church, to use religion as an excuse to abuse.

So, this post is support anyone in this community, who has endured this.

So please DO NOT use this to speak of your religious views, or atheist views etc – this is about support for abuse survivors. If anyone does, the comment will be removed.

Thank you

((((((((((hugs))))))))) to anyone who needs one


No, I won’t be ‘nice’ to people who hurt me, or hurt others anymore.

My whole life I have been nice to people, even when they have hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

I’m still being told that’s what I should do, by Christians, who think this is wisdom.

It isn’t wisdom, it is apathy, choosing an easy life, not wanting to rock the boat.

Did Jesus act ‘nicely’ to everyone? No He didn’t. So, no I won’t listen to other ‘Christians’ who fail to see what Jesus modelled.

I’m not here to be like other Christians, I am here to be more like Jesus.

Jesus chucked people out of temples, when dealing with the adulterous woman being treated badly – He stated the truth and the temple emptied, He got angry many times, He said ‘get behind me Satan’ when people made a choice to do wrong/sin/evil. When doing this, He was dealing with reality, dealing with it appropriately. He wasn’t apathetic.

I’m not Jesus, for from, never will be perfect Jesus, but I see how He modelled for us to live our life.

I get told in counselling, I have to treat people who have hurt me, harmed me, let me down, betrayed me, abused me – as though they are human beings and be nice to them. Apparently, that is meant to be compassion and love.

Well, you know what that does? Enables them. Tells them their behaviour is okay. That is choosing evil. That is not doing anything to try any reduce abuse and sin. So, it is not spiritual wisdom. Continue reading


Enemies….my thoughts on them.

You cannot do good in this world without creating enemies. That’s humanity for you.

I don’t believe in repaying evil, with evil. But I don’t believe in ignoring evil either, not when people are being hurt.

I don’t believe in apathy when it comes to abusive people.

I do believe in exposing them, if it is needed to help others to know what these people really are.

I do believe in going to the police etc, if crimes have been committed.

I also believe in praying for your enemies. And forgiving them.

But that does not mean cheap grace.

That’s wisdom, courage and integrity.

Right wing, fundamental Christian hypocrisy, choosing ‘cheap grace’, like N. P. Baptist Church.

Some right wing, conservative, fundamental Christians preach on about the rules and doctrine and how if you don’t follow the rules strictly, then judge you as failing as a Christian. They harp on about Christ being their motivation, and how God is an angry God and the ones not chosen or good enough, will burn in hell, and basically have a level of control over their flocks, that they try really hard to keep at an immature level of faith – as that’s easy to control.

Now I see clearly how a lot of this is linked to low IQ /and or low EQ and also the dark triad traits, as has been confirmed by neuroscience.


But – funnily enough – when their ministers do wrong, abuse someone – oh the ‘cheap grace card’ comes out then, secrecy is needed, lies are okay and the victims of abuse are treated in exactly the opposite way that Christ would.

Cheap grace is the OPPOSITE of hard line fundamental strictly Bible led Christian views.

And yet they are so happy the ‘lower’ their strict values and their strong views, when it suits to take on cheap grace and demand everyone forgives without repentance, full confession is not required, and all whilst treating the victim so badly.

Grace is free, but as a result, so VERY CHEAP to these hypocrites.

It’s just more evidence of how they pick and choose how to interpret everything, based solely on their own needs. And the really sad part is, they have so little insight and courage, so little self honesty and so little faith, they have no clue and all their unhealthy ego’s just support each other.

They claim Christ is the centre of their faith and yet in both situations there is no Christ centred behaviours, at all.

And I know why – because they don’t know Christ.

They think they do, but they are worshipping a fake Christ, they have sculpted to fit their own earthly needs.

So, you know who is really the head of the church….yep, Satan. Who wants them to think they are ‘rejoicing in the grace of God’, when really they are ‘ministering to Satan, in the act of cheap grace’.

And that is exactly how they can treat abuse victims so badly, because their earthly, self interested, narcissistic needs are paramount and the Bible stuff is just manipulated to suit.